Adopting an SClass criminal!
by ArtIsABangDeidaraLove4ever
Summary: On a dare, I have to adopt the bloodthirsty criminal, Madara Uchiha from a Chibi Adoption Agency, The Den. Considering I'm still alive and functioning, I'll tell you all about it. Let the madness of everyday living ensue.  T for some swearing
1. First Day, Completed

First Day

When I went to The Den, I was really hoping the adoption would go well. I mean, I'm adopting an S-class criminal who's killed tons of people, not to mention he would probably bring weapons home (Oh boy).

Walking in the doors, I looked around cautiously. No way was there going to be an incident THIS early, no way. A clerk greeted me casually, and led me to the room where he was waiting for me. Entering slowly, I saw him. He was sitting on a dresser looking at me with his head cocked to the side, trying to look cute (The clerk said they were having a hard time finding him a home, and he was very anxious to get out). "Hey," I said, bowing respectfully, which he returned quickly and not quite as formal.

"You have your stuff ready?" I asked, trying not to sound like the fangirl I am.

"Yeah," He went over to a drawer, and pulled out a bag with something lumpy in it. I was going to check that later, no doubt.

"Let's go." And so, he climbed on my shoulder (Because on the head was too cute apparently), and we walked out and back to my place. I can't drive, and it was nice out anyways, so walking was cool.

After the door closed and we were in, the heat started.

"Alright." He sounded like he was going to get started on a long speech, so I got some soda and we sat down.

"I need 3 hours a day, AT LEAST, to train or work out. I'm not going to sit and get fat. As far as food, I can deal with what you have, but I want something good once in awhile. Like candy."

I nodded, but it was an intentive nod, I was seriously listening to him.

"I need to go out frequently, every day if possible. I go absolutely insane sitting inside all day, it'll be better for both of us."

Looking him in the eyes, I nodded again. This guy had similar needs that I did, so it was cool he was asking all this. It would fit perfectly with what I did like, everyday.

We sat there for about 15 more minutes, talking and getting a sense of what this was going to be like. We agrred on a "If we have a problem with something just bring it up and get it over with quickly" rule. Surprisingly, we had alot in common, although he tends to satisfy his destructive cravings more than I do.

The lumpy bag was just some poorly organized clothes, his red armor (SO cute), and some shuriken. I let him keep them as long as he doesn't throw them in the house or at people who don't deserve it (Complicated).

We went on a walk (He walked himself most of the way, he's like, super dignified. But near the end he got tired and consented to riding on my shoulder), and lit some stuff on fire just for the heck of it. Back home, I got on the computer and we looked on deviantART for some funny comics. He saw the "Something you should know about your chibi" comic, and since then hasn't left me alone for more than ten minutes (Hoping for something, Madara?). At about 11:30 pm, we got ready for bed. He wouldn't let me brush his hair.

"Uchiha men don't brush their hair with brushes!" He insisted.

"Then what with"? Inquiring, I knew he just didn't want to be touched.

"... We comb it."

"Mm-hm..." I gave up after that, I didn't really care. I didn't liked being touched if it wasn't necessary either.

I had gotten a bed ready for him, nice and comfy at that. I went out and got marterial for a blanket, something akin to a mattress, and made a small pillow for him. But he had other plans. Somehow he figured out statistics for going non-chibi after reading the deviantART comic, and when I turned around, HUGE adult-sized Madara was right there. I almost screamed.

"Do I need to know?" Asked frantically.

"Not really. Just deal with it." Was the reply.

"..." I "Hmphed", and had him leave so I gould get into PJ's.

After about a half hour of moral and ethical debate, he ended up sleeping in my bed with me (NOTHING HAPPENED PERVERTS!).

First day, and no one died. At least he wasn't bloodthirsty. Thank goodness. 


	2. Sibling Issues

Sibling Issues

First day went without incident. Awesome.

I woke up, and noticed righ away Madara wasn't there (PANIC)! I looked everywhere, hoping he didn't go chibi in the night and I didn't squish him (The horror).

Suddenly the door opened, and he was looking down at me.

"Shriek coming out of here why?" He probed. Obviously he was thinking what I was thinking, because I then saw a huge smirk come across his face.

"Whatever." I gave him my best glare, it scares pretty much everyone, and he wasn't an exception. The smirk turned to a nothingness expression, and he looked kinda guilty.

"Well, I'm hungry, and I don't know how the oven works. Come out here and show me."

I nodded and made a "Nn" sound. I made eggs and bacon with my awesome family secret trick that makes everything with butter taste almost sinful. Haha. I think he ate it in about 8 minutes, it was kinda funny to watch him pig out on it, I held a giggle the whole time.

He was shocked that they didn't teach kids how to use weapons at my school, so pretty much the first thing he did after breakfast was drag me out and put a katana in my hands. I don't even know where he got it! So about 4 hours later and a couple bruises later, he finally concluded the "Lesson" for today. Afterwards he chibified again.

Now, my brother isn't the friendliest of people. In fact, he can be down right abusive. Me and Madara were in the living room, watching TV because it was muggy as hell outside. Here walks in my brother, in a bad mood and I ask him what's up. He totally explodes on me, yelling and coming close to hitting me.

Madara wasn't amused. I had to literally drag him away so he didn't kill my brother... At least I know he cares. :D

And it wasn't a surprise when my brother "accidentally" left his Ps2 on so long in the sun it lit on fire and burned hallf his stuff to ashes. When questioned, Madara "Had no conection whatsoever to the fire, it was your brother's laziness that caused it."

Liar.

But it was better than killing him. 


	3. Of Training and Meatloaf

Of Training and Meatloaf

Doing my own business in the kitchen, cooking, and doing some cleaning, Madara was having a death stare with the cats. I looked on in amusement as it concluded with Chibi Man finallly growling and scaring them off. Kinda reminded me of the hell hole he called the "Training Area".

Ok, long story short, he's been trying to teach me how to use weapons. Surprisingly, I exceeded his expectations and I'm learning quickly, much to his dismay. I'm pretty sure he thinks of it as some sort of bonding time, so I'll do something wrong on purpose to make him feel better. I keep telling him "I'll never need to use this", every time he puts the katana or shuriken in my hands, he ignores me and goes on with "The Lesson".

"I'm telling you, I'll never need it." I protested.

"Too bad. Everyone should know how to defend and attack if necessary. So what was rule eight of using a katana?" He inquired, trying to make me look like a kid.

"Sticking it in the ground to perform a earth nature jutsu is stupid, it won't work as a conductor." I replied, making sure I sounded like I was a smartass. Because if I sound stupid at times like this, he wins. And I won't give him victory.

"Good. Now come at me with the horse stance." He said. Damn. He was going to work my memory until I was BOUND to do something wrong, wasn't he? Ugh, he's going down for this.

Ok, these are the ten rules (At least what Madara says) of using a katana.

1. Just swinging violently makes you look foolish, as well that it never works out against a proffessional.

2. When you face your opponent, always use the opposite stance on the stance wheel (Whole different story) than what they're using.

3. When performing a sword technique, take 3 deep breaths first, or it's more likely to fail.

4. When you use a katana, you always injure your opponent. Take all opportunities to make them lethal.

5. Don't hold it by the blade stupid! (I had grabbed it by the blade earlier, so he made it a rule)

6. For power strikes, use the hand you don't write with up near the hilt. For accuracy strikes, use your writing hand near the hilt.

7. When not performing a technique, hold it diagonally. This makes it easier to block.

8. Sticking it in the ground to perform a earth nature jutsu is stupid, it won't work as a conductor.

9. For a fire based attack, use ki instead of chakra or you'll melt the blade. (Apparently there's a difference)

10. Don't use it for stupid stuff. You'll make ME look bad.

And so, after the "Lesson" for the day, it was about 5:00 pm, and time for dinner. Mum had made it today, so I was relieved I had nothing to do for awhile.

"What the hell is that?" Madara said, looking directly at what was the main dish.

"It's meatloaf. Haven't you ever had MEATLOAF?" This was my turn for shock. Meatloaf was a family thing, we had it very often, so him not even knowing what it LOOKED like was weird. Maybe this is how he felt about the school and weapons thing... I'll go easy on him next time about it.

"It looks disgusting. And it smells like it's dead." He retorted, obviously repulsed by the bown poo-looking think on the plate.

"Hey, weren't YOU the on who said you'll deal with the food I have?" Now I was kinda mad. Meatloaf doesn't look good at first, not until you taste it. This was not going to go down well.

"Yeah, but it looks like you poisoned it." This time he growled a bit when he replied.

"Why would I poison it? I ADOPTED you! I wouldn't intentionally do something like that!" Now I was hurt. I didn't know how things worked where he was from, but here you don't hurt those you're close to.

He coughed and muttered something about spiking my drink, to which I put down my soda right away.

"Well, you're at least trying it. If you don't like it, I'll make you something else, ok?" I offered. I didn't want to fight about this, it was just stupid and juvenile.

"..." He ran. Seriously. He went chibi and ran like his life was at stake. I didn't find him that night, so I left some pork fried rice out for him, I know he likes THAT.

... I can't believe he ran over meatloaf. This was definitely going to be black mail for later.

(Note for future reference: The only way to manipulate Madara is to back him into a corner where he has basically no option but to do what you say. Thus black mail is very useful.) 


	4. Jars

Not even 1 p.m. yet, and I'm about to drop. ITS SO ******* HOT. (Seriously, it was like 90+ degrees today! NOT INCLUDING HUMIDITY!)

So, me and Madara decided to chill inside for the day, seeing as we might die from heat stroke being outside. The little buzzard said I would go first! I debated spiking his lemonade. I mean, he did it to me how many times times now? I'm just sitting there, enjoying my cola, and BAM!, I wake up to him dragging me somewhere. I stopped asking him why after the second time, after affirming it's not what it looks like.

What kind of world is it that you can't trust your soda? No idea, but I was in it.

On the menue for lunch: STEAK. One thing that me and Madara could always agree on, no matter what. My Mum watched in horror as we obliterated (Literally) everything she put on the plate. I almost feel bad for the cows (But not quite). I used this to my advantage. Chibi man was going to pay for drugging my soda! I snuck in the kitchen beforehand and put highly concentrated MSG in the steak that he was going to eat.

So, it was awesome when he dropped out cold onto the table, totally at my mercy.

I'm too nice though, I felt bad afterwards... So, him being in chibi form, I took off his armor and let him sleep on the couch. I was going to find a good excuse for this, there's no telling what he was going to do after he woke up. I could always tell him my brother was pissed that he burnt his calendar with the chicks to ashes, and wanted payback.

Shit, my brother wasn't here today, was he?

I started watching TV as the delicious god-like steak sat in my tummy being digested. I was singing the SpongeBob camp fire sing along (Madara doesn't approve of this stuff, so why not while he's out cold?), when all of a sudden... Mumbling? Yeah, right next to me, mumbling in his sleep. I turned off the TV and listened, this was going to be interesting. Maybe material for blackmail? That would be great.

"Nnn... What the hell are you doing to my Kimono? No no no no no, not like that, you gotta push in harder... Jars

Yeeeeaaaaahhhh..."

I almost puked. This was going to be wonderful, yet terrifying, blackmail. Then, it got scary.

"What did I put in that jar? Oh yeah, I put Yoshika's eyes in there..."

WHAT? There is a jar in the freezer, one that Madara says he'll slaughter you if you touch. Recently, Madara took the jar out, to Jashin knows where. (Yeah, I'm a Jashinist. Not what you're thinkiing. If you wanna know more, ask me, I'm always willing to tell people, especially people thinking of converting! *Wink*)

"Mmm... I have to put those in Chelsea soon... Heheheh... Soda..."

I'm scared now. He was going to put some sucker's eyes in my head? NO. NO F*CKING WAY. This was crossing boundaries, he wasn't getting off that easily with this. I know a trick. If someome talks in their sleep, you can sometimes have a conversation with them, depending on how quiet they are and how what you say correlates with their dream state. With years of practice on my sister, I bent down, very quietly, and whispered.

"Eyes... Uchiha Yoshika?" I held my breath.

"Nnnn... Chelsea with Sharingan? Yes... I could put them in... She'll be happy I did..." At this point, he rolled over and snored very loudly.

OH MY GOD. I backed off quietly, and went to my room. HE WAS GOING TO IMPLANT EYES? I shuddered... Then, a thought. Having the Sharingan would be cool... WHAT. NO. I wasn't going to admit defeat like that! HELL NO. If he was going to do this (He probably would in the end), he was going to have to force me. I do not bow down for anyone, he was no different. Uchiha Yoshika, huh? That's the sucker he got them from... Heh. It's time for war, Madara.

TO BE CONTINUED~

(P.S. When he woke up I managed to make him believe Mum had accidentally used spoiled meat for his steak, hence why he woke up not feeling well.) 


	5. Note from Madara

Note from: Madara

I'm not good at english. My grammer sucks. Live with it.

Chelsea is being weird. She will not let me near any food on my own and it's maeking me mad. What could be wrong with her? It maekes me wonder if she knows the plan... That would be bad.

She's limeted access to the internet, done some sort of block to her written deviations, and will not stay in a room with me for more then 20 the hell? I know I drugged her drink a few times, but it was in the name of experamentation, I swear it. No need to go this far.

I think she knows what is in my jar. If she does, I might have no choice but to do this the hard way. I do not like being down right forceful, I prefer to get some kind of consent.

?(?) , maybe she's more perfect for this then I thought. Has enough damn pride... Maybe I can make it interesting? She's used blackmail on me before. And it is not like I'm going to kill her, I'm just going to shove my old friend's eyes into her eye sockets.

That was badly worded. Gomen.

Suggestions are welcome if anyone reading this happens to have an idea as to what might work. (Extreme measures are welcome as well.)

- ? 


	6. Jars Continued

It's 5:30 in the morning, and I'm being nudged. I thought it was the cat, and pushed whatever it was away. Turns out it wasn't the cat.

At 5:40, I get a sharp poke on my head. This time I wake up IMMEDIATELY. There sits Madara, giving me this serious look, so I ask him to leave for a sec, get dressed, and go to the hall where he was waiting.

"We need to talk. Let's go where we won't be disturbed." He states. Now I'm almost worried, he seemed sad, which is a bad sign for him.

The Madara I've come to know and love/hate has two main emotions: Destructive glee, and a comical disrespect for everyone and everything (Aside perhaps me and this Senju guy he brings up every so often). So when he shows something aside from those THIS strongly, there has to be something wrong.

He leads me to the spot in the woods where we burn stuff on a regular basis, which means whatever the problem is, it's a "between-you-and-me-ONLY" thing.

"So..." He begins. I nod and listen, because he doesn't like repeating stuff.

"You know what's in my jar, don't you?" Continuing, he looks at me with something between a glare and a "Oh shit" look.

"... Yoshika Uchiha is the 'Donor' I'm presuming?" I say, trying to be cautious. Talking about anything from his clan is a touchy subject. It's like talking to me about romantic relationships and NOT being careful; you're going to get beat up and embarrassed ASAP.

He looked mad at this.

"How do you know that?" He snapped, which got me on guard VERY quickly. I wasn't careful, now I might pay for it.

"You talk in your sleep. My sister does the same thing, so I know how to talk to people who do that, and find out what they're talking about." Being honest was the best thing to do right now. Crossing any more boundaries at this point is just plain dangerous.

"I see." He calmed down, and then did the one thing I could have NEVER imagined him ever doing. I almost fainted.

"I've been meaning to implant Yoshika's Sharingan eyes in you. You've been a good student, and a good f... fr..." He didn't want to say 'friend'. Too mushy. Too non-Uchiha.

"You've been a decent companion." Finished, he looked me in the eyes again.

"It's going to happen whether you like it or not. Don't be mistaken, Chelsea. In the end you're going to be leaving this dump with me, and you don't get a choice in that either. You have much potential as a Shinobi, and it's not going to be wasted." Now he looked serious again.

Wait, did he just say I was going to be leaving with him? Since when did he decide that? It was MY turn to glare at HIM.

"Why do you get to decide this? I have my own life you know." I gave him a 'You're explaining NOW' look.

"ARE YOU KIDDING? You live in a tiny apartment with and abusive brother and let's face it, there's about a less-than-one-percent chance you're actually going to go to college and live your 'dream'! I do not offer this sort of thing to anyone, the reason I decided to come here and be 'adopted' in the first place was so that I could test you to see if you'd be worth taking!" This I was dumbfounded at. I had been played, and had no idea the whole time.

"You've got skill that comes along once in a generation! Hell woman, you've mastered a Jounin-rank fire jutsu in about 3 days! Not even your lazy, fat brother can deny that!" Now he was just yelling. I couldn't go against this logic, though. I've never been to any kind of 'ninja' school, so it was probably a shock to him that I mastered that jutsu.

"..." I didn't know how to respond. How could I? I was being offered a literal once in a life-time opportunity, the kind you only read about in fairy tales. My face probably told him exactly what I was thinking, because he looked totally calm now.

I've always wondered how he can be almost bi-polar at like that.

He picked up again.

"You've got 2 days to do whatever you need to, then we're leaving. Pack essentials, like clothes and hygiene supplies. Say goodbye to whoever it's needed, because once we leave, we're never coming back. And here," He said, handing me the katana I'd been practicing with the last few days.

"This is yours. Ever lose it and I'll punish you." He growled somewhat at this, apparently this kind of situation was hard for him.

Damn. He did it. He knew, that once he showed he actually cared about me, I would give in. I hate how he can read me like that. HATE. IT.

"Alright." I growled too. Believe it or not, we are actually pretty similar. We both were NOT people to mess with, we both could manipulate a situation to wherever we wanted it, and apparently according to him by the time he was done I was going to be a strong ninja, like him.

"... So what's going to happen with the eye-transplant thing?" I inquired. I was actually super nervous about this, but I managed to look cool and hide my anxious feelings.

"That? We're taking care of that now." I could hear the grin in his voice, and before I could respond, he had turned non-chibi and had me by the pressure points. I started *GACK*-ing, and squirmed. Damn, he really did hide how strong he was, it must have been a pain in the butt to train me at the rate he was going before.

"Shut up, and hold still. This is only as painful as you make it." Total voice change. He pressed a little harder, in particular around the temple area of my head.

It literally just seemed like I blinked.

I knew I had been out though, because after I 'blinked', I realized I was on the ground, and there was some blood next to me.

"You woke up faster than I expected, Yoshika." I looked up, and there stood Madara Uchiha, in full armor.

"Yoshika? My name's Chelsea." I replied, being careful not to shoot back or sound snotty. Common sense tells you not to mess with someone when they have a height advantage over you.

"No, now it's Yoshika. You won't be going by your old name, no one is going to recognize you ever again." The way he said it, it was smooth. Like he had been practicing while I was out. Slowly, he reached behind him and pulled out a mirror, and held it in front of me. I had black eyes now, not the green that had been my eye color for years. He had put Yoshika's eyes in me.

Standing up, he didn't waste a moment. We started training, then and there, and kept going for about 5 hours. It was 5:30 p.m. when we went back to my apartment, meaning we were gone when everyone woke up, and possibly worried my Mum. It was alright though, Madara had placed a Tsukuyomi on Mum so she never knew I was gone. Smart buzzard.

I won't be surprised if Madara-senpai (He's forcing me to call him that btw) tries to do my brother in before we leave. He didn't like him whatsoever, I actually don't mind. Am I cruel for being so cold to my own brother?

That night was tough. I'm writing this the day after, meaning tomorrow... I'm going for good. Talk about a turn of events. I should have known better than to try and adopt an S-ranked criminal, but it's too late for regrets. In half an hour, it's training time, Madara-senpai is going to train me to use the Sharingan.

I've said goodbye to the people I talk to every now and then. They're not really friends, but we're probably going to leave at like, 5 a.m., so I'm going to be ready. 


	7. FRUSTRATED! Plus Thugs

I AM GOING TO STRANGLE HIM (Plus Thugs)

I feel warm... I feel cozy... I feel... purring?

Attempting to move my head was impossible at the moment, since my cat Izzy was on top of it. I swear he gains an extra 7 pounds when he sleeps! Pushing him off me, I shify my gaze to the clock. IT WAS 11:30 a.m.?

Getting out of bed, dressing, and brushing my hair in a frenzy, I rush out ot the living room to see Madara in chibi form attempting to browse the Internet.

"How do you work this thing? It keeps telling me I need a freaking password, and I have no clue what it is. Do you?" Something was wrong. Weren't we supposed to be gone by now?

"Weren't we supposed to be gone by now?" Trying not to yell or squeal, I manage to look freaked out.

"One: Don't yell at me. Two: What the hell are you talking about?" An expression of doubt was plastered on his face. He genuinely had no idea what I was talking about. I ran back to the bathroom, and checked my eyes. They were as green as ever, not a touch of black in sight... Next, the calender. In utter shock I look at the date. It was the day I first found our what was in his jar, meaning the past few days... Were some kind of dream?

"... I need cappuccino." Exhaling as I said this, I took a stride back to the room where Madara was glaring at me, presumably because I hadn't answered his question.

"WHAT. IS. THE. PASSWORD?" This time it wasn't a question, it was an out right DEMAND. I chose to ignore it due to my need for caffeine.

"I don't know. When the computer starts up, it automatically switches to that network, I'll switch it back to our usual one." I reached over, and dished out my mad computer skills, making the Internet available to Chibi Man. I looked out the window, seeing how bright it was, then turned to him, clearing my throat.

"Wanna come to the gas station with me? I'm going to get caffeine and snack food." Coming out from my lips in a plain voice, he glanced up at me. At the moment he was sucked into YouTube, I swear he's fallen in love with that site.

"Sure, I want some candy." He sounded kind of tired, and it was affirmed moments later by the yawn. (OMG, IT WAS SO CUTE!)

So, we both got dressed, and headed out the door. It takes about 20 minutes to walk to the gas station, so we took the short cut through the rich-people neighborhood. I hate those jerks, in their big fancy houses, with their iPods and stuff that rich kids have... GRR. Looking at us walking by was Joe. He was one of the jock-type, into sports and all kinds of "boy stuff".

"Hey, looks like Chelsea and her per decided to visit!" He chimed.

Ok. Now Joe isn't that bad of a guy, he just does the wrong stuff at the wrong time, and it gets in him trouble frequently. At 'pet', Madara was about to kill this guy. Seriously. He had climbed off my shoulder, and was now full sized and approaching poor, defenseless Joe. I almost felt like getting popcorn, but there wasn't any.

"'Pet', is that what I am?" I couldn't see his face, but he was undoubtedly giving Joe the infamous Uchiha death glare, because I could see Joe's, whose face had turned almost white. If I didn't intervine, Joe was a goner.

"Uh..." I ran up to Joe, kicked him in the crotch, and dragged Madara away.

"That's your revenge. I don't need the popo at my door tonight, got it?" I whispered.

"What's the 'popo'?" He asked.

"'Popo' is a slang term for Law Enforcement. Which ARE NOT coming to my house because you kill someone, you got it?"

"Yeah yeah, let's go..." He trailed off, obviously in thought.

At the gas station, I got a 24 ounce cup of cappuccino (White chocolate caramel bitches. :D), and Madara got two bags of gummy worms, and a cola (He better not plan on using that against me). The lady at the cash register was looking pretty confused. There's a 9 inch tall man riding on my shoulder, that's weird in itself, right?

On the way back home, things got complicated as a thug tapped my shoulder, and pointed a knife at me.

"Give me all your money, and your cell phone." Grimacing, he obviously had no idea what he just got himself into. Using the training Madara had forced me into, I dropped the bags and kicked his ass right there, taking his knife as a souvenir.

"Thanks for the busniess, please come again." That felt good. Especially since his arm looked to be broken. Madara turned and looked at me, smirking. I knew what he was going to say.

"I told you that you need it." Sounding as snide as he could, we walked back to my house without any trouble.

Inside...

"NOW, who was right about the training? Hm?" He was mocking me. I had insisted I wouldn't need to train, and now he had proven me wrong royally.

I mumbled something between 'Mmm-hmmm...' and 'Yeah, uh-huh...', but I acknowledged he was right, and handed him his gummy worms. Half way into my cappuccino, I looked at him, intent on some answers.

"So... What's in your jar?"

"Why do you need to know?"

"Because I want to know."

"Well I'm not telling you."

"I'll bribe you."

"Not working this time."

"Sure?"

"Yeah, I could just steal your money anyways and get stuff like that."

"You can't even read my money."

"I'll figure it out."

"Ok then, how much is 45 dimes?"

HA. BEAT THAT. OWNED BY THE WOMAN. I barely contained my own smirk as he went to the computer.

"Anyways, how do you work this thing?" ... He can ask me questions, but I can't ask him? No fair! But, seeing as I'm actually nice, I went over and showed him how to work the computer. For the next few hours, I ended up being his translator because his English skills suck.

The rest of the day was spent on the computer and training, which I couldn't say no to now. Dinner went smoothly, he offered me the cola, but I knew better and rejected it, to which he huffed and went away. Nice try little man, I'm not getting drugged again.

By this far into living with him, I had made him a full-size-Mada-bed, so he would stop sleeping in mine. (Nothing happens, you pervs. Get your minds out of the gutter.)

(P.S. Joe has never teased me ever again.)


	8. Rules

Ok, I have deicded to tell you the rules that are abided by in my house (The magority of them due to Chbi Man's destructive mayhem). Some of them may seem stupid, but when you live with THIS guy, nothing is too stupid if it keeps the house in one piece.

Rules of The House:

1. The cast are not evil, they won't eat/hurt you. They are not to be used as training objects.

2. Riding on the ceiling fan is dangerous! You're freaking just a few inches tall, if you die this way I won't come to your funeral!

3. No kunai/shuriken can be thrown in the house.

4. Be civil. That means not threatening to kill my brother every half hour, though he may deserve it.

5. When little kids visit, don't force your favorite stuff on them, it scares the parents. Get permission.

6. Training is done OUTSIDE. The only training allowed indoors is weight lifting/meditation.

7. Fire jutsu is not allowed indoors, if considering any other, get permission. (This is due to my brother's stuff 'accidentally' burning to ashes)

8. Do not glare at or death-threat the LandLady. She can kick us out.

9. When you eat, try to eat in chibi mode as much as possible for food conservation reasons.

10. Mum's room is off limits. She's a woman and needs her privacy.

11. If you have a need for revenge, let me know how long you'll be gone.

12. If you need to rip something up, let me know and I'll get you something ASAP. (He obliterated living room table.)

13. Waking anyone up before 4:30 a.m. is out of the question except in cases of extreme emergency. You know what I mean by that, do not twist it.

Those are the rules that I can remember right now. There will definitely be more when school comes, because I have to take him with me. *Groans in the backgrouns*

Anywho, bye bye! :D 


	9. Water Parks

This is it. The day of reckoning. The ultimate decision.

Mum said if today goes wrong, Madara will never see our house again. Today... Is the annual summer vacation to the Water Park. (Dramatic music plays)

Folding my clothes in my usual nerve-wrecked fashion, I went over the rules with Chibi man one more time, partly because I was freaked Mum might send him back to the Den, and because I'm paranoid right before this vacation every year anyways. Looking over at him, he glared at me. Dammit, I'm just trying to make sure he doesn't get kicked out, he could at least be grateful!

"So, are you SURE you'll be responsible?" Panic could be heard from that line, even if you were crappy at detecting vocal changes.

"Yes..." It came out as a half grunt, I had been practically DRILLING this into his head. Poor guy.

By this time, he was settled into the house. He had his own bed, clearly let everyone know 'Don't fuck with me', and had his place. Now, no matter how much he might deny it, we were family. Although my brother and sister hate him because he tends to 'accidentally' burn their stuff. Smart buzzard. He also intimidates them on a regular basis for the hell of it, which I usually step in when it's not funny anymore... am I cruel for enjoying my sibling's torment?

Back to the current pandemic.

We planned that once he was in the water park, he could go full size, that way he doesn't get squished, and he gets some freedom. (Apparently my Mum is oppresive... I think he just doesn't like rules.)

The car ride was AWFUL. As usual, he sat on my shoulder. Not unusual, but this time, we were cramped in the car with my brother, sister, AND her friend. I think this was the most self control I've ever seen him have, but of course, he ruined it at the end when we got out of the car. He tried to light my sister's friend on fire, which got everyone screaming, and eventually he just used Tsukuyomi to make everyone forget.

"Madara..." Pissed off, I glared at him. He doesn't use Tsukuyomi on me (At least I think he doesn't), but there were probably security cameras. I scanned the area, to see none within range of sight of what just happened.

"Please, don't get us arrested."

"That brat was asking for it! Did you see her? SHE WAS POKING MY GUT AND MAKING 'KYAA' NOISES! You would have killed her if you could, don't even deny it!" Knowing he might get a lecture, he tried to reason his way out. And of course, I gave in half way.

"I just don't want you to go back to the Den. So behave."

"..." Heartfelt emotional stuff wasn't his thing, but I could tell he understood, so I dropped it and we went in.

And so, we split up. He went into full Mada-mode and towards the wave pool, and I headed for the water slides. It went well for about 3 hours. No screams of desperation, no loud semi-nuclear explosions, so I let down my guard and had some fun. Getting hungry, I went to the snack shack (It was actually called that lolz) and right before I reached the window, a man about 2 feet taller than me walked to my side. He wasn't Madara.

Feeling some what scared, I walked away. About 15 minutes later, I noticed he was stalking me. Almost hyper ventilating, I started running for the car, where my Mum was hanging. I felt a jerk on my shoulder, and turned around face-to-face with the creep. He smiled at me, but it was a sick smile, the kind your parents always tell you about... When they give you the talk about sexual predators.

I knew I was pale from the sudden loss of feeling in my face. I knew what he wanted, so I did what I was always told to do: I screamed my fuckin' lungs out.

"Shut up." He hit me sqaure on the jaw, and grabbed my arm.

"What did you just say?"

It was his turn to snap his attention to the person behind him, he barely got a glimpse of Madara as he punched him hard enough to break his neck. It definitely broke something, because the man was lying on the ground, gasping in pain. Madara continued to beat the living crud out of him, when he was done the man had few teeth left and probably even less bones intact. He turned to me, I couldn't read the expression on his face, however, somehow I knew what he was going to say.

"Are you alright? Did he hurt you?"

"No..." This was polar opposite behavior for Madara, so I didn't take it for granted.

"Thank you. I'm sorry I didn't protect myself." I bowed, he had been teaching me Japanese mannerisms. Good time to use them.

Instead of talking, he hugged me. EMPHASIS ON HUG. I was wondering if he was demon possesed, when my Mum came running by. He turned to her and explained what had happened, so we left before the cops showed up.

My Mum generally doesn't like Madara. But, after hearing he saved me from a rapist, she became more tolerant towards him, and got pizza that night.

But now I have no idea what Madara really thinks of me. Damn.


	10. SpongeBob un School

Madara either hates SB (SpongeBob) with a passaion, or loves him to death.

I'll flip the channel to Nick, and he leaves the room.

"I hate this stupid show. It's the kind of thing The Nine-Tailed kid would watch." But, if I leave the room too and use my awesome new ninja skills to spy on him as he watches it intensely. It's almost scary to watch him pay such attention to it, I think I shuddered when he smirked at Squidward. So, today I decided to watch him watching SB for kicks. The bad part is that he caught me red-handed. I knew I shouldn't have snickered, no matter how light, because he has crazy-awesome ninja skills, better than mine.

"What are you doing back there?" That sent a chill down my spine. There's no telling what Madara will do when he gets mad. (Except, I know he won't actually injure me. More like immature torture, i.e. the jumper cable trick that's pulled all the time at school. You jab your fingers in their sides just right, and it feels like a static shock.)

"..." No response? Man, am I getting weak?

"I know you like SB."

"I do not." Jack pot.

"Then why were you watching it like an obsessed fan?"

"Because I have nothing better to do."

"Don't you do your weight lifting-thing at this time of the day?"

"Why do you pay such avid attention to my training habits? You're not 'In Love' with me, are you? If you're as obsessed with me as it seems at the moment, you could just admit it." Damn. Effectively turned around. I can't ignore things like that.

"WHAT? I don't 'Love' you! That's immature and gross!"

"And yet, you're the one spying on me."

"I just happen to have noticed your habits."

"That's why you were spying on me watching Television instead of sitting down and watching as well." I have to get sneaky here...

"I wanted to watch it with you, but you leave the room when we watch it together, so by spying it was the closest I could get to us watching it together."

"You're a fan girl."

"Am not, Chibi man." He hates that name. So it always works. Heheh.

"..." At which point he went full-sized, hauled me over his shoulder, gagged me, tied me up, and locked me in the laundry room for a few hours. I guess I kinda deserved it. I ate his left over Inarizushi last night after all. It's his favorite food on the whole planet.

All of this was like, at 2 in the morning. School was today so I didn't sleep out of fear. I think Madara was dreading it too, I had to bring him with, seeing as he would destroy everything if I left him alone for more than 20 minutes. As the sun started to reach upwards the morning sky, I took a deep sigh and prepared my back pack. Folders, check. Notebooks, check... Hm? There was a picture of Madara attempting to smile in my soon-to-be English folder. Turning it over, I read the inscrption on the back.

'I am a asshole. I am sorry. There is something for you in your top dresser. Bring this up and you will pay.' By the lack of compounds in that piece of poorly-written literature, I could tell Madara wrote it. Especially since it was hardly legible. But, he's been strange lately. He'll look at me, then look away and sigh. Kinda the sad sigh, like he did something wrong and doesn't know how to fess up. If he burned my snap bracelet I'll kill him.

So, I went to a dresser, and peeked in the top drawer. I was expecting maybe a weird Shuriken or other dangerous/weapon-related item, that's his idea of a gift. Instead, there were two dolls. Of me and him, hugging. I wasn't sure if I should scream, take this as a threat, ot what. It probably brought him to the point of puking out of embarrassment to actually hold this in his hands. I tugged on the two figures, but they were sewn together where his arms went around me, and my head on his shoulder. I put them in my back pack and got Madara ready, I take the city bus to school.

Once on the school grounds, I reminded him not to go full-sized. He grunted and nodded.

Period 1 - English 11

Glaring at my teacher. The whole time.

"He's such a smartass... Thinks he's so great, stupid instructor. I bet he couldn't even block a simple punch, he looks flabby like a pancake." I couldn't help but agree. He really did look kinda weak as far as muscle mass.

Period 2 - Study Lab

I had to tape his arms together so he didn't hurt the supervisor. She (No names for personal reasons) gets on people's nerves easily, and since Madara was the kind of person to get mad quickly, I decided that there was going to be some kind of alternative. Maybe I could get switched to a different Study Lab?

Period 3 - Introduction to Algebra and Geometry

I think he enjoyed this class. The teacher is very nice, she takes time to explain things throuroughly and slowly so everyone gets it. Madara actually did some fractions to pass the time.

Period 4 - Careers II

Same teacher as Study Lab. I trusted Madara to sit in the hall with some stuff to do to lessen the chances of mayhem. Nothing else note worthy.

Period 5A - Japanese I

The teacher was Japanese, so for like half the class he went full sized and aided the teacher because you can understand him when he speaks English. You can hardly interpret what the actual teacher was saying though. It was REALLY funny, especially with my class mates gawking at the fact THE Uchiha Madara was in the room not trying to kill them.

Period 5B - Lunch

"I'm going to kill that kid..." Glaring at the kid behind us in line who just tried to cut in front of us.

"I'll get him later, alright? Making threats like that could get me expelled. If I get expelled, YOU lose computer privileges. For good."

Grunt, sigh, nod.

Period 6 - Civil-something-I can't-remember-because-it's-so-boring

Boring. Slideshow presentation the whole time. I took notes and Madara slept. Is that drool on my shoulder?

Period 7 - Biology

More sleep. More drool.

And so, school ended. Walking to the bus stop, a somewhat-friend from last year ran up to us, he seemed excited to see me.

"Hey Chelsea! Uh, I was wondering if you would come by my house later?" Was he asking me on a date?

"Um, I have stuff to do, I might be able to, but I can't make any promises."

"Alright then, 'bye!"

- On the bus -

"You're not going." Flat. Like my sister's sense of humor.

"Why not?"

"Because, don't you realize he was asking you on a date? You're too young for that." Says the guy who is probably crushing on me.

At home, the first thing I did once we were alone was whip out the dolls from my back pack.

"Explain please." That was a hidden demand. 'Please' was added at the end to give a false sense of politeness.

"Madara. I need to know what you really think of me. For the past few weeks you've been acting all depressed, and suddenly a note in my back pack and a gift that makes you seem like a pedophile. This isn't something you can cover up."

"I mean it."

He looked extremely hesitant. Then sat down on the couch, motioned for me to as well. We sat in silence for 10 minutes, and when I finally went say something, I got pulled into a bone-crushing hug.

"I'm not a pedophile. Technically I'm 20."

"Are you admitting you like me?"

The hug ended and we didn't talk at all the rest of the night.

So close.  



	11. SENPAI!

I have a nemisis. Yes, you heard that right. Someone I loathe with my entire being, someone I want to rip into tiny little pieces. Of course, Madara totally encourages this (Violent little chibi...), and offered to help me do so. But unlike him, I control myself. I guess that's what being a ninja does to you.

It's Labor Day weekend, so once Madara started talking to me again, we decided to take a walk and maybe burn something. After awhile, it got boring, so we went ot the bus stop. We were going to take the bus to Wal Mart because we needed something yummy to eat.

Walking by the bus stop, I froze. Waiting for the city transportation was my eternal object of hate. For security reasons, we shall call him Kyle. Madara froze too, because on his shoulder, was Deidara. His 'senpai'. My face burned, a sign I was going to kick his lowly butt, but as I got near, Madara pulled on my hair.

"Stop. I realize this... is him, but you can't kill him. Look who's on his shoulder." He pointed to Deidei kun.

"Can't we just take him off him THEN I can kill him?"

"No. There's some stupid adoption rule provided by the Den that Chibi owners and Chibis themselves can't attack each other." ... WHAT? I know why he adopted Deidara now! So I couldn't kill him, and so he could try to look better than me! I'm not bragging when I say I've always been better than him. At everything. School, relationships, connections to 'certain people', I even have more luck than this kid! And he KNEW one day I would crack and hurt him, so he adopted a Chibi to prevent that... So if I attacked him, Madara would be taken away, and he would win. No one gets victory over me, not under circumstances like this. But, he did.

Striding to the bus stop, I looked as little as possible in Kyle's direction. We didn't talk, but Madara and Deidara diecided to, for the sake of boredom.

"It's been awhile, hnn." You could see a little sweat drop, it was super cute.

"Yes, it has senpai."

"Is your owner mea-" Then he was cut off by Kyle covering his mouth and walking onto the bus, which we followed suite. The whole ride after that was strained, not just by me and Kyle's loathing of each other, but by the fact Deidara looked like he wanted to cry the entire time. Madara knows Deidara better than almost anyone, so he looked concerned at his senpai's behavior.

"Something seems wrong. Did you notice how Kyle cut him off as he was about to say 'mean'?" Madara whispered so only I could hear.

"Yeah. I'm worried." Looking over at Deidara, we both noticed he looked kind of sick. You shouldn't take your chibi out when they're sick, everyone knows temperature affects them easily. As the bus ride progressed, Madara and I developed a plan to get him and Deidara alone so he could find out what was going on.

"WAL MART" The bus speaker phone said. We got off, and I got a cart. Madara said the rule was that owners and chibi's couldn't fight, but what if he merely kidnapped him? That's not hurting anyone. And so, I got away as quick as I could and Madara used his ninja prowess to kidnap Deidara and find out what's wrong.

"HEY! DEIDEARA! WHAERE ARE YOU?" Kyle was freaking out. He turned to me.

"Have you seen Deidara?"

"No, Madara's gone too!" I hate to admit it, but I can be an excellent liar/actress. I broke out in fake tears and ran away, not before secretly listening to what Kyle said under his breath.

"Deidara is going to pay later..." That sentence was intertwined with a deep seated anger. Knowing Kyle for the pathetic idiot he was, I wondered if he might be HURTING Deidara... I finished shopping for food, and went to the place in the gardening section where me and Madara were to get back together after he was done with Deidara. Instead of just him being there, Deidara was also, IN TEARS. Something was horribly wrong, now I would know what.

"Kyle doesn't take care of Deidara. He hardly feeds him, beats him when he does something 'wrong', and has threatened to kill him." Deidara only nodded to this, he didn't even stop crying. I reached down, picked him up, and hugged him.

"We're going to take you back to the Den, and Kyle will pay for this." I mumured in a soft voice. When you meet someone going through these kind of things, the best thing you can do is comfort them.

"I don't want to go back then, hnn. I want a home, hnn." That was probably his reason for staying with Kyle. Something you have to understand about chibis is that more often than not, they think like children. Also, I think anyone would want a home. I took a second to think, and came up with a solution. We smuggled Deidara out of Wal Mart, and went to the Den, where he told them EVERYTHING.

After some discussion, we came to an agreement. Kyle lost ownership of Deidara, but instead of sending him back to the Den, he was going with Madara and I. Normally two chibi adoptions are not allowed, but since I don't have a criminal record (Yet), and the fact finding a second person who would adopt him is unlikely, he could come with me. Den officials would check in every two months for a year to see if I was able to handle this, and at the end Deidara would stay for good.

"Thanks, hnn."

"You're welcome. But, you're going to have to pick up some slack every once in awhile so my Mum doesn't get too angry."

"Alright, hnn."

"Senpaaaaii... Hi. :D"

"DAMMIT TOBI, HNN!"

(Ending note: Madara agreed not to go Tobi-mode on Deidara, so that was over in like, a half an hour. Also, all three of us kicked Kyle's lowly abusive ass... I wonder if Deidara moving in will affect Madara's supposed crush on me... Hmm... Oh well. We'll find out eventually.) 


	12. Planning the Inevitable

"So Madara, what's happened after I died, hnn?"

"Well, Sasuke killed Itachi, and found out the truth about the Uchiha clan massacre."

"What do you mean, 'the truth', hnn?"

"That's right, Itachi never told any of you..."

-Madara goes into that mode that only people over 60 can do and tells Deidara the story of the massacre and the Uchiha clan, somehow making the whole thing sound really boring, finally stops when he notices Deidara is sleeping and all his mouths are drooling.-

"DEIDARA."

"HUH, HNN?" -He woke up from a dream about Tobi's face being nothing but a bottomless black pit, and he fell in.-

"Were you paying attention?"

"Uh, yeah, hnn."

"Then, tell me my brother's name."

"... I wasn't paying attention, hnn."

-Madara proceeds to smack Deidara, which I notice.-

"Hey, what's going on over here? I swear, if you're trying to kill him..."

"I'm not. He's just being an idiot and not paying attention to what I was trying to tell him."

"It's not my fault you're a boring old man, hnn."

"WHAT DID YOU SAY?"

-I pull them apart, and sit them on the couch with me in the middle.-

"So Chelsea, hnn, when are we going to the store for my clay, hnn?"

"Well, not today, it's Sunday so the crafts store is closed. We can probably go tomorrow."

"Great, hnn."

"Wait, he gets clay that he can BLOW UP, but I can't have kunai?"

"The rules are the same for weapons, don't worry."

"But it's art, hnn."

"And it's still dangerous, sorry."

"How am I supposed to feel art if it can only happen at certain times, hnn?"

"If it's at certain times, that just makes it more special than before."

"Oh, I guess, hnn."

-Madara smirks because I just tricked Deidara into agreeing with me.-

"So what were you telling Deidara that he stopped paying attention Madara?"

"I was telling him the story of the Uchiha clan, and the truth of the clan massacre."

-At 'story', I knew it wasn't his fault. Madara has the tendency to take forever on something. An example is that he takes about 45 minutes in the bathhroom.-

"Oh, I see."

"I still plead innocent, hnn."

"I have a story Deidara, I think you'll find it funny."

"Just PLEASE keep it short, hnn."

"Alright. I think Madara has a crush on me."

"Really, hnn?"

"Yeah, he's hugged me before, and left me some really cute dol-"

-Madara gags me, ties my hands together, and locks me in my bedroom. Man, maybe I'm the one getting abused... JK!-

"So, do you really like her, hnn? It doesn't matter to me, hnn."

"I do have a fondness of her." -Trying to sound tough? Your cover's broken Mada-kun!-

"Seriously, if you do, tell me, hnn. This way I don't think bad things if I see you hugging her or something, hnn."

"Alright. I like her."

"That's probably a good thing, hnn. Everyone needs someone EVENTUALLY, hnn."

"If you tell anyone I'll kill you, regardless of Den rules or what Chelsea says."

"Whoah, cool down, hnn. Anyways, do you like her, or maybe a little more than that, hnn? Again, this is so I don't assume things if I see something, hnn."

"I've hugged her twice. That's it. You won't SEE anything, you pervert."

"I am not a pervert, hnn. That's just offensive, hnn." -Smirks-

-Madara hops off the couch and walks away-

So, after I managed to untie myself and get out of my room, I went to the living room to over see the damage. Not seeing any, I was pleasantly surprised. But, just to make sure it wasn't hidden, I checked under the cushions, behind the furniture, and in the corners. Suddenly, out of the shadows, someone poked me.

"HOLY SHI- ... OH, hey Deidara san... Jeez, you scared me." Catching my breath I stared down at him. Even in full size, I'm slightly taller than him. He's 5'4", I'm 5'5". Madara towers over us all, he's 5'7". I wonder if that's on purpose somehow.

"Madara said he liked you, hnn."

"Then, maybe you're thinking what I'm thinking?" Glancing into his eyes, I knew he was.

"Let's go out and discuss our plan to get him to admit it to your face, hnn."

"I couldn't agree more." With that, we walked out the door with the usual stares of people who either loved or feared Deidara, and went to the cafe because Madara can't stand that place. It's the one place he wouldn't look, he said it was because it was loud and annoying. I ordered cappuccino and we got down to business. About an hour and a half later, we got up and went to check the crafts store just in case it was open, but alas it wasn't. So me and poor clay-deprived Deidei went home, and put our evil scheme into action.

"I wonder where they went..." Stepping into the lviving room, he saw me and Deidara watching SpongeBob. He shuddered and went to his bed. It was a bit early to take a nap, but he had just been meditating, and it really strains on your mind. Getting under the sheets, something crinkled under him. It was a note. Written in Japanese, it was probably from Chelsea who knew his English was h.o.r.r.i.b.l.e..

(Translation)

'I know you like me. And... I have some feelings for you. Meet me at the training ground tonight at 11:30 p.m., I want to get this over with. Thank you.

~Chelsea'

Madara instantly started coming up with reasons why Chelsea would have written this. That pervert Deidara might have pushed her into it for his own sick amusement, but wait... She would have just kicked his ass if he did. Chelsea normally isn't a pushover. If he doesn't go, she'll wait there all night, and in the morning she'll glare at him and make his breakfast bad on purpose. Her type of getback is so annoying... Ugh. He'll just go and get this over with while she's willing to talk about it.

So, at 11:00 p.m., he noticed Chelsea wasn't in the house. She had put a genjutsu on her mother to think she was in her room, sleeping... Damn, she was getting good at that. He might have to watch his back.

AGH, IT'S SO COLD OUT HERE. It's not even mid-way into September and it's freezing! I should have brought a jacket... Oh well, it's 11:28 p.m. right now, Madara should be coming in like, not even a minute. He's usually on time for stuff.

He walked up, and saw her, leaning against the tree she pounded the crap out of a few days ago. Walking until there was about 3 feet of space between them, he stopped at looked at her.

"So, was the note serious? Or are you just messing with my head?" He sounded nervous. It was ok, if he wasn't I would be shocked.

"Yes, I was serious. So, what are we going to do about it? I know that it's driving us both insane, so ignoring it is only going to cause problems." Now I was nervous. This was one of those times where you couldn't predict what he was going to do.

There was silence. I figured nothing was going to happen, so I went in his direction so we could go home, back to WARMTH. I was thinking of another possible plan when Madara gently grabbed me.

"I know what we're going to do about it." The way he said that, it seemed perfect. Like he prepared to say it for hours instead of a few minutes. He pulled me in closer, and kissed my lips.

People say that when you kiss someone you love very much, it's the best thing in the world. They are all completely right.

To his surprise, I pulled away. Wasn't this wrong? He was older than me, and on top of it, I adopted him!

"Is something wrong?" Staring at me, I could tell he was inwardly blaming himself.

"... I'm thinking about if this is ethically correct. I mean, you're older than me, and I adopted you in a way... Something about it just seems wrong." Trying to explain myself so he didn't feel bad. I'm a sucker for when someone feels bad. That often gets used against me. He got an 'Oooohh...' look on his face, then pulled me in again and kept kissing me.

"If this is 'wrong', doesn't that make it more fun?" Suppressing a laugh, he stopped kissing and we walked home.

Once I was alone, Deidara walked up to me.

"So, what happened, hnn?" Now I would tell him the result of our diabolical plot.

"He didn't say it to my face, but he acknowledged it. That's probably as far as I can get." Deidara could tell I was leaving something out, so at the suspicious look, I continued.

"He kissed me." I was probably turning 20 shades of red at the moment, because Deidara smirked.

"So you two were plotting against me, as I feared." Madara just said out of nowhere, making us both jump about 2 feet.

"W-WHOAH, HNN! Where did you come from, hnn?"

"JESUS I'LL NEVER KNOW HOW YOU DO THAT!" Damn. All secrecy blown in a matter of seconds.

"I suppose... I should be pissed because you two planned for that kiss." He trailed off, giving me a chance to respond.

"What? We didn't plan for a kiss, just for you to say you liked me to my face! Which didn't happen, by the way." I was still red, because now HE was smirking too.

"Deidara, leave." This was enough for Deidara to be scared out of his mind, because he left post-haste.

"Now," He said, turning to me.

"No more secret plans. I'm serious." I looked down, I felt both embarrassed and ashamed I planned behind his back.

"I understand."

"Goodnight." He hugged me and went to bed.

JUST FOR CLARIFICATION. Deidara now sleeps in Madara's old Chibi-sized bed. They are now both Chibi for as long as possible indoors because of space issues. Deidara seems to enjoy torturing my siblings as well, especially my sister. His mouths freak her out, and while it's hilarious, it has to stop. So I'm getting him clay A.S.A.P. 


	13. Banana Bread, I Love You

It's been a few days since I had that... Um... Shall we say, 'interesting', situation with Madara? Anyways, life has gone back to normal. As in, stuff gets blown up, my siblings now face tyranny from two partially insane chibi's, and my neighbor's house blew up. Yep, Deidara blew the damn thing up.

"I was making it art, hnn." He was trying to sound cute to lower the chances of getting punished in some way.

"Well, blowing up the neighbor's house that way you did could be considered art..." I trailed off, making him look hopeful.

"But it's a wee bit too abstract." And the hopefullness slammed a door in his face. After talking about how we were supposed to hide the fact he blew up an entire apartment building, Madara eventually Mangekyou'd everyone into believing the building had just been under construction, and the neighbors living there were actually hobo's. I've noticed Madara tends to use his eyes a lot. It makes me wonder if he's used them on me... Scary much? Oh, well, I should have though about it a LOOONG time ago. Too late now.

Deidara lost clay priviledges, and Madara got his favorite treat- gummy worms. I'm not kidding! He freaking LOVES THEM. I can bribe him with them! Very useful, but very awkward handing gummy worms to an Uchiha warrior like he's a deprived three year old.

I now feel the need you... Deidara is immature. Like, teenage boy-type immature. I'll be in the shower, and he'll turn non chibi and knock on the door.

"Who's there?" I already know the answer.

"Deidara, hnn."

"What do you want?"

"I'm coming in, hnn." He was teasing me. He knows I like my privacy.

"Barging in on a girl in the shower?"

"Maybe... If you know what I mean, hnn." I could freaking HEAR him winking! Of all the weird and mildly inapropriate things to do... At least I know he doesn't mean it. If he did Madara would turn him into art, and he does it to everyone (Aside my Mum), INCLUDING Madara! He just likes freaking us out. OH MY GOD, do you know what the shower/toilet situation is? Madara will go in and doesn't come out for nearly an hour, so we all make sure we don't have to go before he goes in. Deidara just goes in there and sits on the toilet, like, day dreaming. Doesn't even use it.

I can at least say the whole 'training' stuff has gotten easier. We've finally moved on from basic taijutsu to hand signs, as in I might learn ninjutsu soon. Once, when I was learning the 'rat' sign (I can do 'rat', 'snake', and 'dragon' off the top of my head.), Deidara walks in on us.

"You're doing it wrong, hnn." He came over and started messing with my hands in an attempt to get me to do it "Right". Madara shoved him away.

"My student, my rules. Unless you'd like to sit down and do it too, leave." Deidara must have been feeling brave and stupid, because he shoved some clay in my hand and started explaining chakra kneading. Is he trying to turn me into a terrorist?

"So first you use chakra flow to get it one the surface, hnn..."

"Deidara, do you think you're a better teacher than me?" He challenged. I could kins see where this was going.

"Actually, yes, hnn." Madara started laughing, which was kinda scary. Me and Deidara both jumped and got ready to take cover before we realized he was just laughing at Deidara's blunt stupidity.

"Alright. Let's make a deal." He smirked. Knowing Deidara wouldn't let down a challenge from the previously annoying-as-hell Tobi, he continued.

"I'll let you teach my student for a day. If there's significant progress, YOU can be the teacher." Confident, aren't we Mada-sensei?

"On one condition, hnn. I then teach you how to make art, because your art is disgraceful, hnn." Wow, pushing the stakes... This was going to be interesting!

"You're on." With that, the former leader of the infamous Uchiha clan walked off, leaving us alone for a day. Please note I didn't have a say at all in this. I liked having Madara as a sensei, he's tough, but if you actually need help he slows down a bit. Deidara turned back to me, shook his head slightly, and kept explaining.

"I've seen your drawings, they're not half bad. I think you'd be good at this because you have great hand control, hnn." I nodded. I've been told alot I could go very far with my drawings if I just tried. Gets annoying after awhile because no one gives me criticism.

"So, after you have the clay in a rounded shape, use chakra flow and press the chakra into it, hnn." Surprisingly, I caught onto this almost instantly. Deidara smirked because he knew he was right, and after a half an hour of doing this I was able to do it on a moment's notice.

"Alright. Now is the second step- shaping the clay, hnn." This was even easier than kneading chakra. I knew Madara was going to be crushed. It's not that Deidara was an excellent teacher, it was that apparently I was a born natural at this. I made a snake, but not just a coil, I made a detailed snake with scale texture and fangs in about a minute and a half. My new sensei seemed pleased with my work.

"Alright, hnn." He picked it up and looked it over. Then he did something I had always craved for people to do. He gave me criticism. He pointed out some aero dynamics, weight to length ratio, and stuff like that. But he liked the detail and the thickness of the clay, as well as the shape of the head.

"But, snakes aren't very useful for combat. They're too slow, hnn." He explained, trying to look big and important. I did my best not to laugh, he had this 'oh really?' look on his face.

"Instead, we're going to do birds first, hnn. Then if you want you can do a snake, hnn." I have to admit, that Deidara is fair. He doesn't completely push you into doing stuff. He lets you experiment and learn one your own a little.

"Alright." I agreed. It had been not even two hours after Madara left us. I knew without a doubt now that he was going to lose... And, I wasn't going to stop it. He needed to be handed some humility, lately his ego has been out of control.

So I actually tried now, and made a bird in less than five minutes. Deidara looked it over, and eventually nodded.

"You're going to have to make these faster, but this is good for now, hnn. Now, we make it art, hnn." I actually felt excited at this, and he could tell. He showed me a few hand signs, and made his own bird start flying while explaining what exactly art meant. I listened while looking at the bird. It went up higher into the sky, and he let it blow up.

"And so, after it's gone you can only reminisce what just left, hnn." What a poetic ending, that might have earned points from Itachi.

"Now you, hnn." Feeling somewhat nervous, I made the hand sign, and felt dumbstruck when the bird, MY bird, flew up into the air. I let it explode a little lower down than Deidara's did. It was weird. I completely understood why he felt the way he did about art now, I understood what he meant by that you FEEL it. So, I got my bus pass and some more clay, and we went so an open field to practice more. At 4:30 p.m., usually around the time when Madara says it's the end of the day, I was able to produce a bird in about 45 seconds, a VERY detailed snake in the same time, but I was having trouble with spiders. This was due to not haveing extra mouths, so I got pardoned for it. At 5:00 p.m., we went back home. Deidara was going to rub in Madara's face the fact he taught me an entire strategy in a day (Not mentioning it was basically due to me being a natural genius.), and teach him art.

"Madaraa~ We have something to show you, hnn." Madara looked doubtful and walked outside. I almost felt bad for him as I made a bird which chased some poor sucker down before I sent it into the shy and had it explode in a mulltitude of colors.

"I'll see you tomorrow at 9:30 a.m. my students, hnn." Ok, now he was just gloating. He'll probably be over it by morning. Madara turned to me.

"He's that good of a teacher?" He sounded kind of worried. He didn't like the fact I was being "stolen" from him.

"Between you and me..." I leaned in somewhat...

"It's really just a case of me being insanely good at it. Not his or your fault." I comforted him, and it worked because he released a held breath.

"Alright. I'll play along for a few days... But if he gets too worked up about this I'll Mangekyou him." Using his Mangekyou Sharingan on people has begun to be a common thing. We even joke about Mangekyou'ing people sometimes. So I snickered and we walked inside. It smelled like heaven. On the counter sat heaven on a plate. On the plate sat Banana Bread.

I am the biggest sucker for Banana Bread EVER, and other sweet breads, but banana taking first place. It took my entire mind's focus not to start drooling. Madara stared at me.

"Um, I see you like Banana Bread." I nodded like a hyperactive 6 year old. He grinned. He had a plan, most likely a plan to thwart Deidara (Lol, I said a funny word.), and spoke to me firmly to deter my attention from the delicacy on the plate to him.

"If I give you Banana Bread, will you get me started on lessons?" He was bribing me so that he could be one step ahead of whatever Deidara might force onto him in the form of teaching. My biggest weaknesses as far as food are Sushi/Sashimi and Banana Bread. So, I gave in... We disappeared with the golden bread, and I taught Madara chakra flow and halfway into kneading chakra. It was HARD! Almost not worth the Banana Bread (Almost, not quite). While I was a born prodigy at it and had all this mastered in about a half hour, it took Madara like, all night to get to chakra kneading. Which shortly after we both agreed it was time and we went to back home and slept.

In short, the next day Madara totally forgot what I had taught him, and looked like an idiot. Ever since then both of the evil little chibi's usually bribe me with Banana Bread.

(P.S. Banana Bread is always capitalized because it's just that good.)


	14. Invoking Play Dough and Revenge

Rubbing my eyes and groaning for the umpteenth time this afternoon, Madara explains to me yet again who his worst enemy is.

"Harashima... I hate that bastard... yet, he's so POWERFUL... how can he be stronger than me? One day I'll wipe Konoha from the face of the earth and... "(_Blah blah blah, I'm going to skip this part. Sorry._)

"So, if you hate him so much, why do you bring him up at every possible moment?" If I didn't start talking my head might explode.

"_Because_, Uchiha thrive off hatred. We need to be reminded of our inborn hate at every possible moment! If I forget, I may become weak." He sounded like an opinionated politician. It made me gag.

"Why do you hate him?" Keep talking.

"Because he's a descendant of the younger son of Rikudo Sennin. I'm an Uchiha, a descendant of the elder son of Rikudo Sennin. We are fated to hate each other forever..." Man, he sounded ominous.

"What did the younger and elder son do to hate each other so much?"

"The younger son was chosen to receive his father's title over the elder son, and my ancestor never forgave him." Is that seriously it?

"... Can I say something obvious and you'll try not to flip out about it?"

"Sure."

"That's completely petty. If his younger brother got chosen, his father must have thought he would do a better job, right?" Sounds reasonable, no?

"You don't know how serious this is! Rikudo Sennin was the greatest ninja who's ever lived! The elder son was more powerful, yet Rikudo Sennin chose the weaker one! It's an outrage!"

"Stop yelling in my ear please."

"You don't get it..." He carried on.

"Yes I do. The elder son may have been stronger, but obviously the younger son had something he didn't. Plus, it's not his fault his father chose him, is it?" Madara, in chibi form on my shoulder, glared at me. I was having a hard time not laughing since he was practically in my face.

"You don't ge-" He suddenly narrowed his eyes, and stared intensely on... my eyes? No, more like around them. Madara gasped and turned white, then jumped off, ran to the corner, and looked like he was ready to kill me.

"What is it now?" Ugh, he's driving me insane. Where's Deidara when you need him?

"YOU HAVE THOSE MARKS..." Huh?

"Huh?"

"Those lines under your eyes... HE had them..." I put my fingers to my face, than figured it out. I have tear troughs under my eyes, but is he seriously freaking out over them?

"So? That doesn't mean anyt-" Turning full sized, Madara grabbed my left hand and inspected it. After like, 8 minutes of staring absent-minded at my hand, he finally took a deep breath of apparent relief and sat down on the couch.

"What the hell was that about?" He looked like a creeper when he did that, so my outrage was justified.

"I had to check your hand for a certain birthmark that all Senju have." Petty as hell much?

"I have one on my RIGHT hand if that's what you'r-" Again, he rushed over, grabbed my OTHER hand, and inspected it. This time though, he grinned before walking back to the couch and sitting down. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS MAN? First my tear troughs, (_which by the way make me look hawt_) and now a stupid birth mark? Ok, now I'll just wait for him to explain... So I stared at him impatiently.

"Hm?" He looked over casually, like nothing happened.

"Oh, I forgot to tell you. Uchiha and Senju have birthmarks on their hands or feet indicating their strength. You have an Uchiha mark... heh, I was worried for a second. Don't do that again Chelsea." He turned on the tv and started watching the Discovery Channel. I walked over and sat right next to him, grabbed the remote and turned the tv off, them put the stupid thing on the other side of the couch where he couldn't reach it.

"You're explaining NOW." I hissed that last part. He understood.

"Simple. I mistook you for a Senju, turns out it was a false alarm..." ... Ok, something's up. He does this when he's stalling me! No wonder he's being so melodramatic. So I got up, and headed towards my room hoping if there was damage, it was minimal. Madara stood as well and forced me to sit back down on the couch.

"Ok, be honest with me Madara. What did you break and how much did it cost? In other words, how fancy did it look?" He looked at me like I was insane. Then, the buzzard slowly grinned and let me go.

"Go see for yourself." That made my skin crawl a little. He said it smoothly, in that tone that either sounds attractive, or horribly creepy. As a reached my door, I contemplated if I really wanted to know. I could just walk away and pretend nothing happened... But then if the damage was bad, Mum would find it first and freak out. So I turned the knob and PRAYED it wasn't my Mp3 Player.

Looking in, I saw... ok, what the hell? On the floor there was this bag I don't remember being there... seems Madara is smuggling things in the house again. There was a note in Madara's handwriting that simply stated 'For Chelsea', so I assumed this is what he was stalling me for. Picking it up, I noticed pointy lumps at the bottom of it. Opening the top flap, I looked inside cautiously.

Play Dough. About 20 pounds of fucking Play Dough. Is this supposed to be a joke about my clay bombs?

I usually can keep my temper. I usually can control myself. This was too far. I walked calmly at first into the living room to spot Madara laughing his butt off. I lunged and **tackled** that buzzard and attempted to strangle him! Of course, I didn't get very far. About 3 seconds later, I found myself hanging on the wall like a portrait, except instead of a nail for a hanger it was kunai. I don't even know where it cam from!

"Alright, I went too far I see..." I looked at him. I can be quite scary when I look at people, because I look at their eyes. Best part of this moment was that I could pick out his pupils. Ha.

"Was your first clue the death lunge or my hands around your throat Mada-_kun_?" He froze at "_kun_". I never called him by that before, not even before he could go non-chibi. He quickly sobered up.

"I'd say the pissed look on your face milliseconds before the death lunge, Chelsea-_chan_." WHAT? HOW **DARE** HE CALL ME "_CHAN_"! Jeez, if there's one thing I hate it's when people make up stupid nacknames for me! "chan" is the worst because _it rhymes_ (_As of the Killer Bee, I can never hear a rhyme without shuddering, except in music. I can hardly stand rap now either. Stupid Hachibi Jinchuriki._)... Ok, back to the current pandemic.

"Uh-huh. Well, put me down please. I'd like to get going, I have places to be." I said "please" because it's the only thing that works with this madman. He put me down as Deidara walked in.

"Hey, hnn. Did I miss much?" I got a devilish idea, and went to my room. Grabbing the Play Dough filled bag, I headed towards the living room again when Madara snatched the bag and disappeared! I never get to have any fun darn it! Insert Frowning Face Here

"So, I'm assuming something happened, hnn?" Deidara obviously saw the kunai in the wall. So I explained things, and he seemed pissed off too.

"Anyways, speaking of Play Dough, want to go out and get some more clay? I saw this place downtown that sells pure sodium. It might take some convincing, but we can get it with a little persuasion." I smirked just a little at the thought of terrifying the shop owner.

"Sure, hnn." We left at that. Madara came into the living room, looking notably depressed. I think he's kind of jealous I spend a lot of time with Deidara, it's obvious he likes me too. How do I know this? I put cameras in every room of the house. Insert Smiley Face Here

Anywho, once downtown, Deidara and I plotted revenge since Madara completely insulted our style, and apparently replaced all our clay with Play Dough. Oh yes, this would be sweet, sweet revenge. The kind that makes you feel bubbly and giddy because it's so _perfect_.

Upon getting home and making sure Madara was out, we hid every last one of his weapons. The kunai, the katana, the shuriken, and his war fan. Then, I told my Mum that I was spending the weekend at a friend's house. (_This was done so I wouldn't be in the path of Madara's blind rage._) As I packed up for the weekend, I almost felt bad, but then I remembered all of the shit he had put me through in the past week and decided this was nothing compared to it. I will compile a list for my eager readers:

Ate my whole candy stash in an hour. (_There was more than five pounds of candy. That's just not natural!_)

Tripped me 5 times just because I make a cute sounding noise when I fall.

Scared the crud out of this guy because he flirted with me. (_Poor boy was crying._)

Emotionally scarred the only girl I like as a friend for life by Mangekyou'ing her. (_We aren't friends anymore._)

And he Dissed. My. Clay.

So, I took the invite to a sleepover party I had gotten and tried to have a good time. I had a horrible nagging feeling of guilt the whole time. Upon returning Sunday, I came in _verryyyy slowlyyyyyy_. He might be waiting in ambush. I continued through the house, because it wasn't just a house anymore, it was dangerous No-Man's Land. One wrong move and I was finished.

After making it all the way to my bedroom's door, I felt a strange sense of sadness. It took away all my nervousness and anxiety. I peered my head in and saw Madara sitting on his bed, staring out the window. I knew he noticed I was there, but he acted like he didn't. I made some noise on purpose, but he still didn't acknowledge my existence. He was giving me the silent treatment, wasn't he? I pulled together all my guts and sat next to him. He didn't even look in my direction. Now I felt horrible, it was obvious I hurt his pride somehow.

"Madara senpai? Hey... please look at me. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to-" He looked at me now, I couldn't read his expression so I shut up, hoping he would say something.

"Do something akin to this again and I'll lock you in the laundry room for a WEEK. And no one will know you're there." Ok, sad attempt at a threat, but... I hate how he can make me feel horrible, like, anytime he wants to. So I just nodded without saying anything. After 15 minutes of silence, he gave me a hug and we both got up and went on with whatever Sunday held for us.

(_Notes:_

_Yes, Madara and I sleep in the same room. Yes, he likes me. Yes, we've hugged a few times. But **SERIOUSLY**, it's not like we do anything. **Get your minds out of the gutter!**_

_Also, the whole thing with Deidara teaching me died within a few days. Madara is still my senpai and and we have moved on to dangerous stuff that I can't tell you about. Sorry._)


	15. Holding it Together

"It's just my friend. The only one YOU haven't scared off." I said. My back was starting to hurt from being pinned face first on the ground, this was one of those times where you really couldn't predict Madara. The argument at present was on the topic of a visit. I knew a girl at school who had also adopted from the Den, she might come over to visit today if it got OK'd by my Mum. Madara decided he was going to be moody and somewhat like a PMSing woman today, and thus was freaking out about everything and anything he could.

I had started making some tea and snacks for when they got here, and all of a sudden Madara is CONVINCED it's a death trap, and that they're actually enemy ninja who aim to put our heads on their walls. (_I'll come clean here. I helped Madara a little on a couple of his missions, and now I'm in the Bingo Book apparently... As an A-ranked Criminal. When I was distressed about being a terrorist, both Madara AND Deidara basically patted me on the back and said I'd be S-ranked in no time because I had talent. What the hell is wrong with them?_)

"I bet they're Ame ninja. Since that damn Konan defected, they're been flocking, trying to catch me. It won't work, for I am Uchiha Madara, wielder of the Sharingan's true power!" **Insert Crack of Thunder Here**

"Well, I'm not too happy about becoming your lackey you know. I DO have other priorities, like homework. And school." I said this, with my head still shoved against the carpet. How did I get in these fights anyways?

"Normally I would say school is important, but yours is not. Arithmetic is useful to a certain degree, but wen someone's entire living is based of numbers and computers, that's too far. That is why I'M training you, eventually you will be a successful and feared ninja. You're too talented for the things you're expected of here." (_I believe that only to a certain degree. I believe he's honest about numbers sucking, but I also think there's another reason he practically forces this ninja bizz on me. Yet to be determined._)

"Hey, has anyone seen my-" Deidara glanced at both of us, and laughed.

"What's going on, hnn?" He was still laughing at the fact I had a mouthful of carpet because I've been trying to catch Madara off guard, no success yet. All I want to do is make him jump, JUST A LITTLE! Why can't I have that satisfaction? Oh, yeah, because Madara's uber scary strong and an accomplished ass with a Master's degree in Bitchology.

"I'll tell you- my friend is coming over, she's bringing her Chibi too. So you both better be on your _best behavior_. Do you understand?" Finally wriggling out of the death lock on my head, I went to the kitchen and continued to make snacks.

"Alright, hnn. Just make sure their Chibi doesn't get in my way, hnn." With that, the nuke-nin walked off. He had actually started a hobby of creating bombs modeled after YuGiOh monsters. Really cool, but the Blue Eyes Toon Dragon was still a tad bit off.

"If they're freakin' Ame nin..." He trailed off and dragged himself to my room, probably deciding to take a nap while he could.

I sighed and continued to do my thing. About a half hour later, the door bell rang. I ran to the door, but not preceding Madara turning into a Chibi and taking a place on my shoulder. Deidara decided to go normal sized and sit on the couch. (_I still can't believe I'm taller than him!_)

As the door opened, my friend stepped inside. Her name is Annie, but everyone calls her A cuz it's way cooler. Madara gasped, Deidara turned around and nearly broke his jaw by grinding it. Her Chibi was Itachi Uchiha.

"_**I'M GOING TO KILL YOU**_!" Deidara lunged for a kill, but I went nin on his ass and we ended up going outside and fought a little until he calmed down. Madara had gone full sized and was leaning on the building, watching us while smirking.

"_Huuuh_, _huuuuuuh_..." Catching his breath, he looked at me. I knew he was mad.

"How come... You didn't tell me... _HE_ was her Chibi, _HNN_?"

"I actually didn't know. Sorry..." More than a sorry was needed to make this genuine, but before I could say more, he turned away."

"I'll be back later... I need to blow off some steam, hnn."

"Here, take the bus pass, but lose it and die." I tried to joke, which he semi-acknowledged, and walked away.

"Uh... I should have thought of that, huh Chels-chan?" A obviously felt bad, as she looked at my arm her eyes bulged.

"CHELSEA YOUR ARM!" I looked at it, and it wasn't until I did so that I noticed the nice big gash running down my shoulder and somewhat onto my back. It really wasn't a big deal- I knew how to heal myself.

"What, haven't you ever seen a WOUND before?" I nudged it towards her face, her nose crinkled up and she looked like she was gonna hurl. Man, A was always so bad when it came to blood, it was so sad yet so funny. I preformed the Mystical Palm Technique and healed myself, to which she gaped as well. We walked back inside, and continued the conversation there.

"Ok, you can fight like a ninja, AND you have uber awesome jutsu skills? NO FAIR!" I felt myself turn kinda red. I don't usually get praised like this, and Madara was going to take credit for it in 3 - 2 - 1 -...

"I taught her." Grinning like a lunatic, he leaned back and let his ego swell.

"_REALLY_?" Itachi had jumped off her shoulder, turned full size, and was watching the whole thing pan out. A flocked Madara and basically kissed his ass because he was "so friggen' awesome", and "will you PLZPLZPLZPLZPLZPLZ teach me?", and of course plenty of "I love you, I watched you when you first came on TV!". As it went on, he was looking mildly disturbed by the fact this chick was like his personal stalker. I grew a smirk of my own and walked away to get the sweet buns.

"Itachi-san, do you want tea and some buns?" I looked over at him. He turned his head, and actually looked surprised I was addressing him so politely. He held the stare for a moment, then replied.

"I would like some tea, but not buns. I ate earlier." I nodded and got two buns each for me, A, and Madara. I put a little extra honey in Itachi's tea. He noticed this and hovered over. As in, he walks like I do, without making a sound.

"What are you putting in there?" He looked cautious, but it was ok. I had Madara staying at my house after all, so it wasn't unfair to make sure I wasn't potentially poisoning them.

"Some extra honey, because you were the only person who controlled them self earlier." He looked amused at this, and continued talking.

"So, Madara-san has actually pushed you to the point of doing rewards like adults do for little children?" I grinned at this- he hit it right on the nose.

"Yeah. I have a question, what's it like living with A? I've wondered that since her uncle moved out." He stared off into the wall, and answered somewhat slowly.

"It can be a little chaotic, but she takes good care of me. She's more of a big sister than a guardian, but I think I prefer it that way. More room for mistakes." By the time he said this, I had finished and took the food back to the living room, Itachi helped me with the drinks. It's weird to say, but he's actually a very pleasant person, contrasted to how he portrays himself often. I ran my line of sight over Madara, who was now caught in a desperate attempt to peel A off his arm.

"Hey, A, I think you got the wrong guy." I pried her fingers, then arms off poor Mada-kun,and sat her down on the other side of the table. I looked at the time, and realized with a panic I was supposed to be doing my homework.

"Uh, I'll be back in maybe 15 minutes. I have to do my homework." A groaned, then completely stopped as she realized she would be all alone with Madara _and_ Itachi. The she grew a dopey smile.

"Uh-huh, take as much time as you need Chels-chan." So I walked away, went to my room, and pulled out my biology report. I had it done in ten, and decided to relax for the excess five minutes. That is, until I heard a bang, accompanied by Madara's yelling and a death threat. Dammit, why can't things go smoothly for more than ten minutes?

"ALRIGHT, EVERYONE STOP WHATEVER THE** HELL **YOU'RE DOING** NOW.**" This was _my_ house, so we were going by _my_ rules. In this apartment, my word on arguments like this was _final_. No "If's", "And's", or "Buts's". I strided out there, ready to do anything for the fighting to stop. I glanced at Itachi, who was between Madara and A, and then at A.

"Ok, A, stop acting like a retarded fan girl or you're leaving. And Madara, act your age! You're not a child, neither are you some kind of immature delinquent, so step up and be a man! She's just a girl, no matter how scary and obsessed she may seem. Just push her off and glare at her for good measure and she'll leave you alone... **RIGHT, **A?" I glared in her direction, to which she gulped and nodded.

With a migraine now forming, I grabbed some tea and sat down. A and Madara had shut up, and Itachi accompanied A to the couch, where she sat next to me. Madara grunted and left the room.

"Hey, um... I'm sorry Chels-chan." She gave me the big puppy eyes that begged for forgiveness.

"Yeah, well, you know better. Fangirlism is a life-long condotion, but you CAN control it to a certain extent." She giggled at the fan girl joke, and seemed better.

"Alright, so _ANYWAYS_, can you teach me some cool ninja stuff?" She was bordering on fan girl mode again.

"No. That was actually something I was told not to do..."

"But can't you make an exception for me? Please please please please please?"

"No... you _could_ ask Itachi. He's a ninja isn't he?" Obviously she never thought of that, because her head WHIRLED in Itachi's direction and his eyebrow twitched.

"I suppose so... but you would have to listen to whatever I say." I had no clue how he was so calm all the time. I'll ask him.

"Out of curiosity, how do you stay so calm Itachi-san?" Maybe this will be entertaining.

"I suppose it's my personality, along with how I forced my persona to develop following my defection from Konoha." He explained.

"I guess that sounds reasonable. But not laughing or smiling the way you made yourself do would drive me insane- I'd think it would be like having a migraine constantly."

"Somewhat." A cut in, perfect timing too.

"Well, can we start?" She sounded like a kid, but HEY, she was pretty much a kid in a teenage body. I was scared Itachi was going to train her, she's one of those people who would seriously screw around with that kind of power. Slightly shuddering, Madara walked back into the room.

"Speaking of, WE have to train. Follow me." He and I walked out, A and Itachi followed.

After some talking we decided we would do a group training type-thing, as long as A didn't act like a raging fangirl. The annoying part was that I had to slow down for A, I didn't realize just how good I had gotten. Itachi stared at me for a moment and whispered something to Madara. I didn't bother to listen in because it wouldn't work, but I'm assuming it was something about the fact I was at Jounin level in terms of ninjutsu and taijutsu. My genjutsu sucks, but I can effectively counter most genjutsu with a kai combo I made myself. :D

So, that went on for a few hours, then A and Itachi left. Once in the living room, Madara spoke to me.

"I'm glad you're not like HER. That girl isn't human."

"Wow... did she scare you THAT badly Madara-senpai?"

"What? No, it was just that she was ALL OVER ME." He made motions around his general area.

"Uh-huh... just kidding. She's known as an obsessive-compulsive fan girl. I'm just a fan."

"GOOD. If you were like her, I would just leave." I looked at him, because saying that really hurt me. He could tell.

"You know what I mean... don't look at me like that." Then I just looked away.

"So, what were you thinking for dinner Madara-senpai?" Changing the subject, I began thinking of good stuff to eat. I kinda just debated going out for dinner, I didn't feel like cooking after the havoc today. Maybe T.G.I. Friday's, they had a thing on seafood didn't they? Mm... nah, we would go to that Japanese place down town with the yummy su- Madara put his arm around me, and stared down, waiting for my internal thoughts to shut up.

"... um, excuse me?" All kinds of inane and stupid thoughts made their way to my head, I didn't want to acknowledge he was half-hugging me.

"What? I like you, and I know you like me, stalking me when I watch TV for hell's sake." I let a look of questionable shock come on my face, he lifted and eyebrow and continued.

"So we can hug when no one's around. Simple as that."

"Yeah, well if my Mum walks out and sees this-"

"She won't, trust me." I pushed him away, got up, and walked outside. What and idiot. He followed me outside looking a little disappointed.

"Well, we need to find Deidara. It's eat out night."

"Alright. Isn't there this Japanese restaurant downtown? Kobe's?"

(Note: **HA**. Did you think there was gonna be a lemon? _**TOUGH SHIZZ**_. I mihgt write a oneshot, but not here, HELL NO.)


	16. Pep

"I'M GOING TO KIL-" I clasped a hand on Madara's mouth and took him into the hall.

"I know she's a jerk, I know she's a manipulative, evil woman, but you CAN'T kill her! She's still my teacher, and she's the only one who keeps that creepy Austin kid under control." He pushed my hand away, and glared at the door.

"Well tell her to shut her big, overgrown mouth before I stitch it shut! Seriously, I think my ears are dying!" I did my best not to giggle as he put his hands over his ears. Chibi Madara is _sooooo_ cute! He saw me half-giggling, so he looked at me with a completely sober expression. I cought the drift and shut up. I went back into class and let Madara sit in the hall with a notebook and pencil, and promised we could burn something later.

"Attention, all students must report to the Gym 7th period for the Homecoming Pep Rally. This is NOT optional, can't wait to see you there!"

Ah, YES. The Pep Rally. One of the most evil assemblies in the world, and it HAD to be today, when Madara was ready to freak out... just my freakin' luck, huh? Then, the bell rang and I immediately ran to the hall to make sure not was out of place. Madara looked up at me, and asked the dreaded question.

"What's a Pep Rally?" Crud.

"EVIL."

"Elaborate."

"Bad music, cheesy sentimental dancing, and recognition for school teams. Which you don't even partake in."

"I am not going to that."

"Me either. I say we get out- ninja style." He smirked in response, and we headed towards the next class. It was only 3rd period after all. I've mentioned this before, and will do it again. Madara seems to like our math teacher, because she's one of the only kind teachers in the school, and you can get away with almost whatever you want in her class. Including, but not limited to shining your kunai under the table. And so, due to my teacher's general inattentiveness, we had concocted a plan by lunch, which is as follows:

Five minute before 6th hour, we "go to the bathroom". Waiting until the bell for 7th period rings, we sneak to the breakable window and make it look like someone was trying to get out, and blame it on the nearest sucker. While the teachers are busy dealing with it, we sneak out the Exit. Ingenious, huh?

So, as time came for our brilliant escape, I brought up the final obstacle that might come our way.

"Madara, just one more thing... we have to watch out for Keef. He is my uber stalker, and will rat us out if he sees us."

"Oh, I see. Can't I just set him on fire? It could always be dismissed as an act of the Christian God."

"No, he's also my best scapegoat. He's needed for now."

"I see. Well you're on your own then." with that, he took a peek around the corner, and gave the heads up. Dashing to the window, I swiftly broke it with a kunai. The alarm rang, and teachers galore rushed to the scene. When I was out, I kept running until I reached the stop lights. Looking back, I saw Madara sneaking out as well.

Lately, I've noticed his social skills... really suck. With a heavy heart, I turned to him and told him something so shocking, it might have seemed like I was possessed.

"We're going to the mall." I actually think he paled at this. Taking a step back, he sobered up after a moment and proceeded to speak.

"What the hell has gotten into you? You're acting like... a _girl_. Is it flu season already?" I so predicted that response.

"No. We both need social interaction, I think _your_ bad influence is making me more violent, and _my_ general weirdness is provoking you to act Tobi-ish. Bad combo." He snickered at this, looked down for a moment, and responded.

"Being somewhat violent is a good thing, though! It means you won't be pushed around, and wouldn't you rather be a little mean than used by someone else?" I pondered for a second.

"Um, YOU use me all the time. I wouldn't be talking."

"I use you? Ridiculous! You're my prized student, I wouldn't use you."

"I'm going to call you a giant liar and end it like that, ok? Anyways, we need to pick up Deidara, he needs to get out too." The bus came up, and we got Deidara.

"The mall? I heard those things are awful, hnn."

"Apparently we need to pick up on social cues." He glared at me, then proceeded to grab some snacks.

"Yes, you do. And I need to act my gender. Y'know, girly stuff?"

I went around and picked up all the money I have stashed around the house, and left. It was a nice day, so we walked with no complaints.

"I'm not walking in that store." We had to go through JC Penny in order to get to the rest of the mall, or go all the way around. Which was a pain in the butt. Deidara stood with his mouth half open, staring at it.

"I think I'll walk through here, hnn." Madara and I gawked at this.

"Um, because, I don't wanna walk around the freakin' big mall, hnn." He's a horrible liar, but it passed. He went in, and we walked around. There was this guy in his car, honking at everyone walking by to scare them. He attempted to try it on us, but Madara set his car on fire.

"What? It's not like he needs the damn thing. He's got legs, he can walk."

"Again, I don't want to go to jail. Can you stop doing illegal stuff for a day?"

"Nah, I like what I doing better."

Once in, we found Deidara coming out of the JC Penny.

"How was it?" I had to make sure his sanity was intact. That place can be traumatizing for guys.

"Weird. But I got this cool shampoo, hnn!" Looking down in shame, I turned to the open hall.

"Alright, we're going to hang here for... 2 hours. Madara, I trust you can read a clock, we're meeting back up at the food court at 4:45 p.m. for some dinner. If you're late you don't eat."

"Without begging..." (_He had to add that, didn't he? He makes me look like such a pushover..._)

Walking off, I started to remember my life before Madara came. It sucked. Striding down the aisles, I saw the stall of impending doom, a.k.a. the sunglasses. My feminine radar started going off, and I froze.

_Evil... sunglasses... so horrifying, yet so tempting... why so beautiful? WHAT? NO! NOT BEAUTUFUL! EVIL FREAKIN' EYE THINGIES! I will never wear those evil things!_ **Insert Forwning Face Here**

4:45 p.m. rolled by quickly, and surprisingly Madara was on time. Deidara was looking at the Rocky Rococo's booth, checking out the pizza. When he saw me, he looked ready to scream. Remember how I said sunglasses were evil? Well, there was a pair on my face. _Yes_, _I know_, I said I wouldn't. But they were right there, you have to believe me! I feel so ashamed...

Both of them pretended not to notice. I made a mental note to later melt the sunglasses, and preserve what little dignity I had left. We ended up getting Arby's for dinner, and seeing who could down their burger the fastest. Really man, those things are huge! Despite being the shortest person there, Deidara won.

It was late, so when we got home, first place I went was the shower. I smelled like crud. Halfway into the shower...

**KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!**

"WHAT IS IT? CAN'T YOU WAIT 'TIL I'M IN THE FREAKIN' SHOWER?" I can yell. Seriously, I have a LOUD set of lungs for a girl.

"I LOVE IT WHEN YOU YELL! HNN!" Dammit, how come I always fall for that? How does he know I'm half in the shower anyways? _Creeeepy._

I got in, took my shower, and made sure to lightly smack Deidara on the back of the head. Man, today was long. Sleep is amazing. G'dnight.

(_Note: Yes, I am taller than Deidara. I am 5 feet and 5 inches, nearing 5 feet and 6 inches. He's like, 5 foot 4 inches. Shortie. That is why there can never be a love scene with us._

_*Fangirls try to kill me*_

_OK OK I MIGHT WORK SOMETHING OUT! Eventually. Maybe. Not._

_To the point. I took a vote, and most of my loyal amazing reviewers wanted a MadaxMe love scene. Well, tough shizz, you have to wait because lemon stuff scares me. Review, and I'll hug you! :3_)


	17. Reviews

Today, we will be responding to your reviews! None of you have been notified, and the most seemingly-sane of you will have responses since you were wonderful enough to reminisce on our lovely story! _THAT'S RIGHT_! All the better if you hate us for it!

Because we're that evil.

. . . .

**ICHIBAN! MarLuna chan!**

_"So take out all the normal-ish-life-that-allows-such-badasses-to-be-chibis and all the talking and you get this place where Madara pretty destroys the world by setting the place on fire._

_It's so damn interesting. (Not only because the humor here is so easy that it's funny no matter how many times I read it. And when I say humor, I mean that Mada-kun just basically does what he wants without getting punished.)_

_Exemple in this chapter, it read : "There was this guy in his car, honking at everyone walking by to scare them" And I was like, "okay, so she's showing us what's around the store..."_

_But then it went "He attempted to try it on us, but Madara set his car on fire." And I cracked up and laughed for five minutes._

_That's right. It's awesome._

_Chibis are basically like pets, only that you don't have to take care of them that much. It's a win-win situtation!_

_So... where can I get one? (for me they're more like, you know, mini-slaves XD I kid, I kid-OHNO I DIDN'T MEAN IT! PUT MADARA DOWN BEFORE HE PUTS ME ON FIRE!_

_Madara: *puts me of fire anyway*_

_Me: DX)_

_Haha, update!"_

. . . .

... *Stares at Madara*

"What is with the fire? Can't you just tie her up and cut her? I would think a few scratches are better than 3rd degree burns."

"**No, because apparently chibi's are slaves to her. And look at her username! MarLuna? It's like a half-cocked attempt to put together the planet Mars and the Moon! Needs revising in my opinion.**"

"Yeah, chibi's are _not_ slaves, hnn. The old guy has a point for once, hnn."

"... uh-huh. Whatever you say. Anyways, thanks a bunch Mar-chan! Your detailed review made my day!"

"**I know where you sleep woman.**"

"SHUSH. SHE CAN'T KNOW YET, HNN!"

. . . .

**NIBAN! VALINOR'S TWILIGHT CHAN!**

_"Great update, I loved it. I hope there's more Itachi in the future. And its a little soon for a love scene."_

. . . .

"Ohhhhhhhh, someone paired Chelsea chan and Madara sama, hnn?"

"**Who the hell is asking for a love scene? Where are your minds, in the gutter? Teenagers...**"

"Cough-cough-cough-OLD-MAN-cough-cough-cough!"

"**Hm?**"

"Nothing Mada-kun. Itachi may come back in, depending on identity theft. _The less you know the better._"

"He can stay out, he's just a pompous idiot, hnn."

"_FANGIRLS!_ OVER HERE! SICK HIM!"

"... crud. Hnn."

. . . .

**SANBAN! STARPELTLEHFREAKYAY CHAN!**

_"Yay Senpai! 8D 3 Update quickly... or... you... die. r-r"_

. . . .

"I don't wanna die! I'm enjoying life for once!"

"**I doubt you could even poke her if she didn't want you to. Hnph, stupid reviews... I hate roleplayers. Especially bad ones. They make me look like some kind of retard! There was this one person who _paired me with Harashima_. If I _ever_ find out where that idiot lives, he's going to di-**"

"Three things.

1. Retard is a bad word.

2. Be nice to the reviewers.

3. When did _roleplaying_ come into this? Seriously, that was so freaking random!

So... ja, thanks S chan. :3"

. . . .

**YONBAN! VALINOR'S TWILIGHT! (Because you're my most frequent reviewer~)**

_"Banana bread is really good. No other bread tops it. Anyway, great story, very interesting."_

. . . .

*Gets down on my knee*

"Will you marry me?"

. . . . . . .

. . . . . . .

"PSYCHE! I love you, but not that much! Sorry if you thought we had something babe~"

"**You are such an idiot.**"

"... are you a les-"

*Covers his mouth*

"NO, DON'T GO THERE."

"Fine, hnn..."

. . . .

**GOBAN! CUPCAKEMONSE- MONSTE- Mon- um... I can't pronounce it for some awkward reason. Sorry. You're number five.**

_"AA! NO! MORE!"_

. . . .

"Glad you like my horrible humor! But, um... please don't enjoy it TOO much... that might be creepy. o_e"

"Is anybody thinking what I'm thinking, hnn?"

"**What are you thinking?**"

"It sounds like she's having se-"

*Covers his mouth again*

"What was that for, hnn?"

"The kids, Deidara. The kids."

"Oh... hnn."

. . . .

**ROKUBAN!**

. . . .

_"Due to lack of interesting comments number six has been terminated. Have a nice day, and do not kick the puppy on your way out."_

___SINCERELY:_

Chelsea

**Madara**

Deidara

KEEP REVIEWING!


	18. Swearage Baby!

**_(WARNING_: Hidan has graced this chapter with his poetic and elegant swearing. VERY INAPPROPRIATE! This chapter is rated M because of that and possibly-sexual situations! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!)**

(White Zetsu's speech is underlined, and Black Zetsu's speech is in **bold**.)

It was perfect. The skies were clear, the grass was green, and heck, there were little kids outside playing! Like I said... perfect. Until HE came. The billowing skeleton of uber doom.

A. K. A. Hidan the cussin' Akatsuki.

"Where the fucking hell did it go? Dammit, if I have to fuckin-" And like that, the still air was broken, and most of the children ran to their mothers so they didn't die by the hands of the psychopathic cultist. I was on the other side of the park and I could hear this bozo going off like an alarm.

"_I WILL KILL YOUR MOTHER_! DO YOU HEAR ME YOU MOTHER FUCKING GUINEA BASTARD? HUH? UNDERSTAND _THAT_ ENGLISH?" The poor vendor was simply trying to sell him a hot dog.

"Hey... what's going on here?" I butt in. I probably shouldn't have, but hell, why not? It was fun! Hidan turned to me, looking murderous, and snidely replied.

"This damn idiot tried to sell me something. _Do I look like I want a fucking hot dog_?" I glanced up, then down.

"No, you do not look like you need a fucking hot dog. How about cappuccino?" He obviously wasn't expecting me to half-agree with him, because his bottom lip came out for a moment, then he stiffed up again.

"What the hell? Are you asking me on a fucking date?"

"No. I just want caffeine, and the vendor looks like he's hyper-ventilating. Why not invite you with?" Now he took a step back.

"Are you a fan girl?"

"Are you like "Peace, love, and harmony my man?"

"HELL NO! DEATH, GORE, AND DESTRUCTION IN THE NAME OF JASHIN!"

"Great! I know someone who's dying to meet you." I grabbed his wrist, and pulled him along. Hopefully everyone at the park will recover.

(_Before you say, "oh, you're such a mary sue! Not being afraid of Hidan like that? So stupid!" let me say that my brother is worse than him in terms of bad language. Much. Worse. It no longer offends me. So there_.)

So I led him downtown to the hangout of some wannabe Jashinists. I told Hidan they were Jashinists, so he got really excited! Practically jumping up and down, he seemed to get happier by the moment. How sweet this was going to be when he mauled all of them. Halfway there, I contemplated if this was morally correct. I mean, they're just kids, right? Having innocent fun they would grow out of when they got older... albeit they're already seniors in High School. So never mind. They can die agonizing deaths, I might even help!

"Hey Chelsea, ho- Who the hell is that?" He was gaping at Hidan, who immediately scanned the area, for stuff probably pertaining to his religion. There were 3 wannabe's there, and there were 7 total. Meaning the other 4 idiots would get their asses pummeled la-

"WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE SAYING YOU'RE FUCKING FOLLOWERS OF JASHIN? THERE ISN'T A FUCKING RITUAL SPACE IN SIGHT YOU LITTLE FUCKS!" The girl passed out cold, I fought the urge to start laughing my ass off.

"Yeah, I figured I'd bring you here to show them how a REAL follower of Jashin does his deeds." Hidan stopped his colorful rampage for a moment, then registered what I said. He got the drift, and smirked. The two posers still standing tried to run, I caught one while Hidan caught the other. I tied them up, and Hidan made sure his scythe was nice and sharp. I stood by, keeping them occupied, while Hidan drew the circle, got in it, and prayed.

(_HA! Thought some sucker was going to die? Nope. I don't have that much blood lust. Anyways~_)

Hidan sat there in prayer for about 20 minutes. One poser almost fell asleep, but I hit him and he woke up pretty darn fast.

"That's how you do it, little bitches." Grinning, he proceeded to push me aside, and cut off all of their heads with a fell swing of his scythe.

(_Ok, cut what I said before. He killed them all_.)

"Man, tough religion." I tried not to wince at their dead bodies, because if I didn't play the situation right I might die. Not a pleasant thought. I upped my chakra like I had been taught in case Hidan decided to have a little more fun.

"Now _I'm_ going to drag _you_ somewhere!" Shock plastered itself on my face as he grabbed my arm and _literally_ dragged me away. Oh man, this really wasn't happening the way I had planned it. I thought he would just puff up and stomp away after murdering them, but now he was dragging me off!

"Where the hell are we going?" I shoved him off, and walked as calmly as I could. He grinned, and kept an eye on me. He apparently picked up I might try to run.

"Now there's someone I was _you_ to meet." I groaned a little, and inwardly thanked heaven I hadn't died yet. Yet. After about an hour of walking seemingly aimlessly, we came to a small house in some suburban neighborhood. I gagged at the peacefulness and just how fake it seemed. That, and I have an inborn hatred of upper class people. They're so ignorant and stupid, it's their idiotic asses that make America seem like a country of spoiled brats. He went up to the door and just walked in. When I hesitated he grabbed my arm for the fifty-something time and pulled me in.

"I know someone who's fucking DYING to meet you. Heheheh..." I gulped at this, once in the living room he semi-yelled.

"HEY ZETSU! I FOUND THE CHICK WHO STOLE THAT DIP WAD TOBI FROM YOU!" _SHIT_! I'M GOING TO DIE AT THE HANDS OF A CANNIBALISTIC PLANT MAN! Freak out, freak out, FREAK OUT!

"Really? **I don't believe you**." And then, the man whom I had been dreading walked into the room.

"... **YOU WERE SERIOUS**?" They both yelled this at once, as he rushed over and immediately starting checking me, I'm not sure for what.

"If you hurt this girl... **Madara is going to slaughter us**." Food for thought? Now I know where Madara was going every Thrusday after school... we were going to talk later.

"I'm just fine." I replied, then walked outside, leaving all of them to just stare as I left. Zetsu sprouted up from the ground in front of me, blocking my path.

"You can't leave, **we have to talk with you**."

"About what?"

"You're currently a Class A criminal, **and we're murderers from the Akatsuki**. What do you think we want?"

"If you're thinking about an affiliation, I'm not doing anything until Madara senpai talks to me himself."

"You're staying here for the night. Tobi said this would work as proof." He handed me a note saying I was to stay there. Normally, I would think Zetsu was just being a creeper, but this note was obviously in Madara's illegible hand writing and crappy spelling skills. I had to accept it as the truth. I was on the other side of the city, it would take me all night to walk back home, and for what? The slight chance I WAS supposed to stay there?

"Alright. So are there any rules I should know?" The sun was currently setting in the distance. I didn't want to screw anything up and die before sunrise.

"Yes. Don't go in the room with all of the weapons, **and don't touch the bottom drawers in the fridge**. Other than that, nothing."

"Alright."

"Good girl." He patted me on the head, which I twitched at, and walked back inside. I followed him in. The first thing that happened was Hidan glomped me. I shoved him off, ready to freakin' hurt him.

"There's just one thing I want to ask of you guys. _Don't touch me_." Zetsu shrugged, then nodded, and Hidan seemed to totally ignore me.

"Come on, you're coming with me!" Hidan tried leading me to another room, but I cut in.

"Why?"

"Because I want to show you my shrine!" I had no idea, and never will, how this man could whine. Did he think it was _cute_? Not saying it wasn't... *coughcough* but it was pathetic that he was doing it. I raised an eyebrow, trying not to look away. Because if I did, that means he wins. I looked away. After which he didn't even bother with my arm anymore, he lifted me over his shoulder and _carried_ me.

(_Fangirls. I realize you might say "omg! So cute! I wish Hidan would carry me too!", but please realize it is not as glamorous as it seems. In fact, it kind of hurts. So be quiet and keep reading_.)

He kept me over his shoulder, and walked into a room with a strangely quiet atmosphere to it. After putting me down, he grabbed a book and shoved it into my hands. I looked at the cover, then slowly opened it. It was a Jashin bible. Was he going to try and convert me? Good luck. I have never stuck to a religion, so good luck to you dear Hidan.

"Are you trying to convert me?" I didn't hide what I was thinking. Too much work right now trying to be smart.

"Yes."

"Why may I ask?"

"Because I like how you handled those heathens before. And there's a rule we have to abide by."

"And what could that be?"

"You can't have sex with a non Jashinist." That's it. I've had enough. I walked out, walked to the basement, and locked myself in.

"HEY! OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR! WE DON'T HAVE TO DO IT TONIGHT! IT CAN BE A GRADUAL THING! CAN YOU FUCKING HEAR ME?" I ignored him while barricading the door. I am not going to HAND myself over to him. Who the hell does he think he is? After half an hour, I think he went away due to the silence. I napped. I can go very long periods of time being alone, it doesn't bug me much. It must have been 8:30 p.m.-ish when there was knocking on the door. I got ready to set the buzzard on fire if it was Hidan, and took the chairs off the door. Slowly opening it, it was Madara.

"Not to question your almighty judgment senpai, but you had me stay here why? I can handle Zetsu, in fact I think he's an alright guy if you're on his good side, but Hidan?" He made a "_hnph_" sound, rubbed his forehead slightly, and and spoke.

"I thought Hidan would be gone. Now stop locking yourself up, you look pathetic." I nodded, and we walked back upstairs.

"So... what's going on exactly?" I looked at him, curious. He's never done something of this magnitude before, so I think questioning a little was fair.

"I decided I had to get out of that house for a few nights, and that you were coming with."

"What did you tell... or do, to my mum?"

"What do you think?" He flashed his sharingan. I stepped back a little, and understood. I noticed Hidan was nowhere to be seen, nor did I feel his chakra in the house. He probably left. Zetsu was calmly watching television, and Deidara was in the kitchen eating something. I began to wonder exactly _how_ I got caught up with criminals... oh yeah. I thought one was adorable, and decided to adopt him. Only to end up becoming one myself.

"Madara sama," I made sure to use honorifics, I didn't want to make him look bad in front of Zetsu.

"Am I a pet to you?" He looked at me. Right now his mask was on, so I had no idea what his expression was.

"Yup." And of all the freaking things he _could have _done, he walked away, whistling. I swear, no one takes me seriously... depressing, ain't it? So I went to the kitchen, prepared some rice, and made lemon rice balls. Those things are amazing, they taste amazing too. But, not as good as Banana Bread.

Deidara made off with one, and I ate the other three. Nothing really happened after that... so I'll spare you all the details of the night. Well, one more thing happened. I found out Madara cut Hidan in half and hung him out in the front lawn as a Halloween decoration. It was pretty funny, I guess he won't be trying anything again. I really hope he wasn't serious when he called me a pet. I don't want to be a pet, it's depressing, ain't it?

(Note: AHHHHH! I almost cried while writing this, I hate s... e... x... things! D:

Anyways, this chapter is dedicated to Kurai Homura, who wanted Hidan to be in it. I am sorry for the lack of Mada-ness and Deidei-ness... forgive me?

Also dedicated to those special guys out there who think with their dicks and not their head. :P)


	19. DEAR SASUKE

_-DEAR SASUKE_

_IT'S BEEN A PAIN LISTENING TO MADARA TALK ABOUT YOU SO MUCH, IT MAKES ME WONDER IF HE'S YOUR_

_FATHER... ITACHI COULD BE YOUR HALF BROTHER FOR ALL WE KNOW. DUE TO THE PAST FEW MANGA CHAPTERS,_

_DEIDARA, MADARA AND I HAVE ENCLOSED A FEW NICE GIFTS WE HOPE YOU'LL LIKE~ I HAVE LEFT YOU 20,000 YEN, GO_

_AND GET SOME NICE CHEAP PLASTIC SURGERY, BECAUSE WE ALL KNOW YOU CAN'T KEEP THAT SCARY LOOK WITH_

_DIGNITY PAST HALLOWEEN!_

_LOVE~_

_CHELSEA :)_

_

* * *

_

**-SASUKE**

**WE NEED ANOTHER MAN OVER HERE. DEIDARA MIGHT AS WELL BE A TRANSVESTITE, HE USES SCENTED SHAMPOO FOR HELL'S SAKE! AND CHELSEA CHAN'S BROTHER IS JUST WEIRD. IT MAKES **

**ME SUSPICIOUS. I HAVE LEFT YOU WITH A SUBSCRPTION TO PLAY GIRL MAGAZINE, BECAUSE WHILE WE ALL KNOW YOU'RE GAY, YOU STILL BEHAVE AS A MAN SHOULD (looking past your **

**strange sexual preferences). ANSWER SOON, I THINK I AM SUFFOCATING IN FEMININE-NESS.**

**RESPOND QUICKLY,**

**MADARA**

**

* * *

**

-HEY SASUKE!

YOU'RE STILL ALIVE? NO FAIR, HNN! WHY COULDN'T THEY KILL YOU OFF? I OBVIOUSLY LOOK BETTER, HNN! ANYWAYS, I'M GIVING YOU A COMPLETE PEDICURE SET, 20 DIFFERENT SHADES OF 

NAIL POLISH, EYELINER (black, burgundy, light blue, and this magenta thing I found, hnn), MASCARA, AND LIPSTICK, HNN. IF I REMEMBER RIGHT, YOU DO WEAR THAT IN THE SECOND STAGE OF 

YOUR CURSE MARK THING, RIGHT? HNN. I BET OROCHIMARU WILL ADORE YOU EVEN MORE IF YOU WEAR ALL OF IT AT ONCE. THAT'S A DARE BY THE WAY, HNN.

HEH

DEIDARA

* * *

(Note: This will have a response by a real roleplyer, not me. :D)


	20. A Rock, Yup, A Rock

Since the events at Zetsu's house, Madara has been leaving alot... it's really making me sad. Am I not important anymore? It's probably because of Akatsuki stuff, but it's still really depressing he can't find time for me. So me and Deidara have been hanging out nearly all the time, and NO, it's not to make Madara mad, it's because he doesn't realize I need him. He's become like family, and I hate the fact he can't see this.

You know what? _Screw him!_ I'm tough, I'm a _woman_, so I'll be fine. Deidara and I had been talking about what to do for Halloween, since it's not even a week away.

"I want to go as a pirate, hnn. "

"I guess I could go as one too. I need to take a break from the scary stuff, my mask last year scared this little girl to the point of her crying and running away..."

"It can't be that scary... hnn." I gave him a cocked-eyebrow expression, then ran to my room. My mask is actually uber scary. In dark lighting you could swear it was real. It's an oni mask ("oni" is Japanese for "demon", or "monster."), and it's complete with fur, individual teeth, and foot-long horns coming at both sides from the top and bottom of the mask. Uber awesome scariness if you ask me. So I dug in the closet for it. All of a sudden a _sword_ falls out and comes close to cutting off my arm. I prop it back up in there, grab my mask, and go back out to Deidara. He takes one look and his face kind of drops. It was FUNNY!

"Oh... I see what you meant, hnn." Grinning, I put it back in my room and asked him a question.

"When do you want to go out to get costumes? It has to be soon, or the stores won't have any good ones left." He looked up, obviously thinking.

"How about now? There's nothing to do here... hnn."

"Sure, and sorry." We headed out a few minutes after getting on some warmer clothes. Dude, it's been cold. First we went to the mall, they had a huge tent sale that looked promising. There were tons of awesome costumes, but hell man, they were _expensive_. I'm talking fifty-four dollars for a freaking borwn lump of cloth and a plastic light saber! No idea what they thinking, if people are actually buying the crud, they're insane. After not even 10 minutes we had to leave anyways, there was a mob of Deidara fans there, and they kept staring at us. One girl even came up to me.

"You are _so_ lucky!" I give her a wide-eyed look as she continues.

"So... have you guys done it yet?" I slapped her, grabbed Deidara's arm, and walked out. After trying two other stores, I called my Mum. She usually has good advice for this stuff.

"Hey Mum? Where should me and Deidara go for costumes? I can't find anywhere with good prices."

"Go to K-Mart. That's where I got your costumes when you were little, you looked _sooo_ cute..."

"Uh... yeah... thinks Mum, 'bye." I hurriedly looked in Deidara's direction, and paled as I saw he heard that 'cute' comment.

"Moms are supposed to do that, ok?" The grin turned to him holding in laughter by biting his lip. I rolled my eyes and we walked to K-Mart. Good thing- we didn't even have to go into the store very much, the costumes were right at the entrance. Picking through them, we found two good pirate suits, a male and a female, and went to the register. The clerk gave us looks, then _slowly_ checked out our items. Walking out, Deidara turned to me, probably to ask the same question I had.

"Why does everyone think we're a couple... hnn?"

"No idea. Think it's Mada-related?"

"Nah, he's totally into you. Even if I did like you, he'd kill me, hnn." I blushed. It was so weird how Madara decided he liked me enough to scare away everyone of the opposite gender, but not so much as poke me when someone else was around. I think it's some weird Uchiha-pride-thing.

"Well, I'm hungry, so let's go home ok?" He nodded in agreement. Not even a second before touching the doorknob at home, I sensed something was wrong, and hesitated to open the door. Deidara looked at me.

"What is it... hnn?"

"Something doesn't feel rig-" The door burst open, and it was dark inside. I couldn't see any detail at all. Stepping back, I shaped a clay snake and sent it in first. Nothing happened, so I brought it back out and let it explode a few meters away. Deidara looked freaked out.

"Uh... ladies' first, hnn."

"I never knew you were a coward Dei-chan." He frowned, and I walked in. I knew my house like the back of my hand, so I began to feel my way around... past the couch... over the computer desk... then... onto... wait, what the hell? It's mushy. The light flicked on, and Madara stood in front of me. My hand was on his abdomen. I pulled it back like he was poisonous, and jumped back.

"Oh, uh... _heeey_... why was everything dark?" I looked up at him. Jeez, people shouldn't be allowed to be that tall. Not fair.

"Well, for one, _he_ wasn't supposed to follow you." He leaned his head in a supposedly-threatening way to Deidara, who gulped and skidded out the door. Then it hit me.

"What were you planning?" I'm not sure if I wanted to know the answer to this question.

"Nothing..." That's it.

"Ok, I need some answers here! You've been disappearing and leaving all the time, you've hardly been around the past week, you're ignoring me, and... I want to know what's going on. It's one thing if you lie and scheme against my Mother, but not me." I meant every word. He huffed, put a hand on my shoulder, and patted my back.

"Well, I'm sure you know... I'm very fond of you. Knowing this, I thought you might have come up with a few theories yourself, but I guess not. So, come with me, I have something to show you." He used his teleport jutsu, it sucks the user into a gap, and spits them out at the desired location. I found myself whirling out of it into Zetsu's living room. I hit the floor, rolled several times and slammed against the wall. Surprisingly, the wall didn't break under the impact. I got up, and jumped a little as I heard him.

"Are you alright? That looked like it hurt." I looked at him, and smiled. It was weird how even though Zetsu eats people, he could still be really nice... if you were on his good side anyway.

"I'm fine, thanks for asking Zetsu san." Madara came in, and motioned for me to follow. I did, and he led me to the basement. I quickly scanned over what I remember being in there, and tried to figure out why he would be bringing me there. He opened the door and waited until I went in, and followed suit. The light was already on, and the only thing that seemed to be out of place was a box in the middle of the floor. I went over to it, and poked it. Looking back up at Madara, he nodded and motioned with his hands for me to open it. Tearing off the tape, I opened it and inside it was... a mask? Yeah, it was his old mask from when he first met Itachi...

"It's yours. But, there are a few... rules." I looked at him, and nodded so he knew I was listening.

"First, you are not to act stupid while wearing it. It, in turn, makes _me_ look bad. Only exception is if you concoct a persona." Nod.

"Don't wreck it." Nod.

"Because of how I've used it myself and where I have done so, people will be scared if they see you wearing it. Do not wear in Kirigakure or Kumogakure." Nod.

"Now come, I have a mission for you. It's very important, so don't screw up." I started to nod, but froze.

"A mission?" I got excited, ever since he started training me, he never sent me on a mission alone. Then I remembered why I had been brought here.

"So how does this explain your strange disappearances?" He tilted his head in my direction.

"You'll see. Hold still." Before I could move away, he had grabbed my head and was now shoving the mask on me. I gave up and let him put the damn thing on.

"Now, you're carrying out an assassination. An enemy organization of the Akatsuki has been behaving suspiciously, you are to kill the leader of said organization. Understand?" I nodded.

"Things will be explained upon your return. So return alive, and in one piece would be preferred." The 'one piece' part kinda made me shudder, but I forgot the thought as he handed me a rock. Yes, a rock. Medium sized, rough to the touch, and dirt all over it. A rock. (lol, that's where my title came from. **Insert Smiley Face Here**)

"This will transport you to a remote village near Konohagakure. You are not an Akatsuki member, merely a lackey." I frowned at his choice of words, but he obviously couldn't see it.

"You will wear this mask- do not take it off for _anyone_. At your current level, you are more than a match for Jonin, so unless either the remaining jinchurriki or... Sasuke... decide it's worth their time to battle you to the death, kill any who stand in your way. You are looking for Youji Hachimaru. Now go." He pushed a spot on the rock, and it glowed.

I blinked, and I found myself standing on a dirt road, surrounded by trees. One more blink and I realized I was wearing a black cloak, looking down into it I sighed in relief, I had my normal clothes on under it (really big white t shirt and fitting jeans.) Taking a look around, I headed down the road, bound east. If I was right, the remote village was this way.

"Youji Hachimaru, huh? Poor sucker." I grinned as I walked away.

_TO BE CONTINUED~_

(_Note: I promised myself I would never do one of these... but it's so TEMPTING. So, screw temptation, I'm doing what I want._

_Sorry for lack of Mada-ness. :(_

_This will be better than a lot of those half-cocked 'oh-I-got-sucked-into-Naruto-I'm-so-bad-and-awesome' fics that, well, bite. Promise with sugar and lemon juice._)


	21. The Dobe

_Let's debrief on the last chapter, shall we?_

_Madara was acting fishy; I inquired after a series of strange happenings; and instead of answering me like a normal person, he sent me to assassinate some poor sucker and told me to come back alive. I sure as heck feel loved, wouldn't you? So now I have been walking down a dusty road for days, abandoned the mask because my face was going to die in it, and now am sitting at a roadside diner._

"Hey there, may I take your order?" A woman who must have been like a foot shorter than me asked. I thought, looking at the menu, and finally answered when she was ready to walk away.

"I'd like sashimi, sweet rice balls, and some fruit juice." She looked at me oddly- sashimi was just a lump of raw fish. She shrugged, wrote down my order, and walked away.

Oh, crap. I'm going to miss Halloween, aren't I? CRUD! I had put _effort_ into it this year, and now I was going to spend it killing some creep who had a superiority complex! Gah, I WOULD remind myself, but it's kind of pointless at this time. The waitress came back, handed me my order and the bill, and walked away. I tore into it with a ferocity that made several people nearby stare. I glared at them, and they immediately returned to what they were doing. I've been perfecting that glare since I was a kid, it's been helping alot. I took out some twigs and rocks, and used genjutsu to make them look like money. By the time they were turned back to normal, no one would even know they were from me.

Feeling smart, I headed to the exit. But, before I made it out the door, my head smacked into someone else's. THUD,_ SWOOSH, **BANG!**_ I stared upwards from the floor.

"Oh crud! Are you alright?" I started to look towards the voice, ready to pounce this guy's ass and take him down, but my semi-homicidal thoughts came to a halt. It had to be him. No one else would do, huh? Staring at me from above was none other than that damned fox Naruto. I got up, and straightened my posture, and ignored him as his eyes got big.

"H-holy CRUD! You're _tall_!" I rolled my eyes. I had gotten that alot here. Apparently 5' 5 1/2" was tall for a girl, so I had gotten tons of stares walking around. Some people even mistook me for a boy while I was wearing that mask! Jeez people, I have medium long, wavy hair, and I totally look like a girl! But, then again, tons of men here have _Dude-Looks-Like-A-Lady Syndrome_... whatever.

"Yeah? And you're short." He frowned, and made himself as tall as he could. I sighed.

"Anyways, I'm fine, thanks for asking." I attempted to smile, and started walking out again, when he grabbed my cloak and kept talking.

"So what's your name?" He grinned, and smiled.

"I'm Chelsea," I bowed for a second, then came back up.

"What's your name?" He looked at me in half shock, like a sign of respect was a miracle. Actually freezing up for a moment, he then answered.

"I'm Naruto Uzumaki, future Hokage!" He bowed like, three times. I couldn't help but laugh.

"Uh... what was your name?" I forgot. My name is like, unpronounceable to people here because it has the "L" sound and the "Sss" sound in it, not to mention "Che" is also like, totally weird. I found out through trial and error they can't tell the difference between "L", and "R". I won't even start with my last name.

"Um, it's Chelse-"

"I'm gonna call you Cheru chan!" Alright. I guess my name isn't an issue anymore. What is, though, is that the Nine-Tails jinchurriki is right in front of me, and if I don't scram soon before his team shows up and realizes I'm a criminal, I'm screwed.

"Hey, Naruto san, I have to go. I'll see you around maybe, ok?" I meant that. He seemed ok. Walking out, I once again walked into someone. I backed off, and looked. Groaning in annoyance, I realized it was Kakashi, and behind him were Sakura and Sai. _This is not my day dammit._

"Master Kakashi! This is Cheru chan!" Naruto chirped, grabbing my arm and introducing me to Sakura and Sai. They both smiled, and I actually felt pretty nervous. Sai took notice.

"Is there something wrong?" I looked him in the eyes.

"No, I'm just not used to people being this friendly to me... sorry."

"What do you mean Cheru chan? Don't you have any friends?" He looked at me with these huge puppy eyes. I seriously thought he might cry.

"No, not really. I'm... more of a loner. Please, I have to get going." I _again_ tried to walk away, but this time he _latched_ onto me like I was a stuffed animal.

"Don't you have any family?" This caught me for a moment.

"They're... very far away."

"Wait Cheru chan! Are you a ninja?" ... You know what? I'll answer his questions and get going.

"I have training, but I don't belong to any villages." I broke his arms back, and this time faced him instead of walking away.

"Any more questions?"

"OH! You can be a nin for Konoha! I'll be your big brother! Come on!" _Big_? I'm taller than you. Nonetheless, he began to drag me back to his team.

"Naruto, we can't just hire a ninja we find on the street. She's probably mediocre anyways." When Kakashi finished, I _glared _at him with all the murderous intent I could muster while being held by a blond kid who's on the verge of a hyper attack. They all backed off a good ten feet, including Naruto, who's smiles turned to gulps.

"Ch-cheru chan?" Naruto's voice came out as a whimper. I calmed down realizing I scared him.

"I don't appreciate being called mediocre by someone who doesn't even know me." I started to turn around and walk away for the fifth time so far when Kakashi replied.

"Naruto seems pretty set. I'll bet you're willing to take a job, right? Konoha is down, and it would be great if we could get someone with expertise right now... we can have a spar, and if you're good enough we'll take you."

"I have to be careful, I'm sure you realize that..." I began.

"But- lets say I do get in, what is in it for me?"

"Well, a steady job, good pay, rooming... things like that." I thought... and finally decided. This was going to be sweet.

"On some terms. I'm actually on a mission right now. If I pass your test, let me finish it before coming to your village."

...

That was before I woke up on a cold metal table, and realized I had been knocked unconscious.

(_Note: Nothing happened. I know. Epic conclusion thought right? In your reviews, actually tell me what you do/don't like, and what you think I could do better. Thanks._)


	22. Inside Me, Halloween Chapter

"_HELLO. I'M GLAD YOU WERE ABLE TO STOP IN FOR A VISIT._" I heard an electronic voice laugh, but I saw no one... must be through a speaker. I was on a diagnol metal table, my wrists, waist, and ankles were strapped by metal collars, holding me on it. I could faintly make out the corners of two walls, and a large, blackened window with a figure behind it.

"_YOU ARE HERE BECAUSE I DEEMED YOU AN APPROPRIATE TEST SUBJECT. LET US BEGIN._" Adjusting to the lighting, I saw a box rise up in front of me, with a mechanical arm attached to the top.

"Wait!" I began to do some quick thinking.

"What are you going to do to me? Who are you?" I heard another laugh. It turned from well, normal, to an inverted seeming one. It made my ears hurt as it screeched.

"_WHO AM I? I AM. . . LORD KABUTO. YOU HAVE BEEN SELECTED TO PREFORM A VERY IMPORTANT TEST FOR ME. IN THE BOX BEFORE YOU LIES SAMPLES OF ALL OF THE TAILED BEAST'S CHAKRA'S. IN OTHER WORDS, A SAMPLE FROM THE FABLED TEN TAILED DEMON. I HAVE BEEN RESEARCHING SPECIMENS WHO COULD, POTENTIALLY, INTAKE IT AND HAVE IT BECOME A PART OF THEIR OWN CHAKRA SYSTEM. THEY WOULD HAVE. . . BOUNDLESS POWER. BUT SO FAR, ALL OF THEM HAVE WITHERED INTO CORPSES BECAUSE OF THE CHAKRA'S CORROSIVE NATURE. I AM HOPING FOR SOMETHING MIRACULOUS. DO NOT LET ME DOWN._"

I fought back tears. I had heard of the Ten Tailed Beast, and knew as soon as that stuffed touched me, I would disintegrate into _nothing_... that was the fate of those who had been tested so far. As the mechanical arm gripped the lid on the box, I didn't know what else to do but look down. There was a final squeak, and due to my natural instincts, my head jerked in it's direction. I'm not sure what it was that came out of the box... except for the fact it was evil. Complete blackness swarmed around me, I heard grinding, and a sound similar to gnashing teeth. I closed my eyes, and hoped it wouldn't be as painful and Kabu-douche made it sound. The feeling that next took over my senses was a creepy, sliding sensation, as if I was being rubbed into something. I was ready to scream when I heard the voice.

"_Why a young girl. . . ? Has Kabuto kisama run out of healthy males?_" It was. . smooth, not the roar many people associate with evil things. I couldn't tell if it was a male for a female, something in between fit the sound more. Something feeling like skin grazed my face. I shuddered so badly I jerked.

"_Heheheh. . . why so scared? I haven't done anything to you. . . yet._" The laughter that followed made me nauseated. I tried to move my arm, only to be reminded it was bound.

"Then what are you waiting for? ! Just kill me already!" I was ready. I didn't want it to torment me longer than it was obviously planning. I started thinking of Madara, and how badly I was going to try and kick his ass if I made it out of this. It will be longer than when he broke my snap bracelet to see how badly I would flip out. I chased him for 2 hours with an iron frying-pan. My thoughts were interrupted as I felt breathing on my face. I bit my tongue to keep from screaming, and it bled. I knew, because I could taste the blood.

"_Hmph, well you're no fun. . . hmm. . ._" It sounded like it was in thought. I stopped paying attention, I wanted _out_, and I was ready to chew off my hands and feet if it would help me to do so. Before now, I never knew what being truly desperate was like, and. . . it's awful.

"_I'll make you a deal. . . you seem desperate, and I would hate to let down such a pretty girl. . ._" I panicked at this. What was it going to ask of me? I looked up, to be greeted by a single eye. It bore into my own eyes, and looked past them. It saw all of my faults, all of my fears, and everything about me that was imperfect. I felt my throat turn in on itself, like it was trying to swallow something that wasn't there.

"_I'll do what Kabuto kisama has been attempting. . . and make a bond with you. But. . . you have to promise me a few things in return. . ._" A wide grin illuminated itself in front of me. I saw jagged, pointed teeth. They couldn't even be described as animal teeth, there were no incisor teeth, nor ones to grind with. Only canines, meant for thrashing things into little pieces, for ripping and tearing them into bits. For killing. As it stared, I realized it wanted an answer, and hell, I _wasn't_ going to make it wait!

"What do you want?" The grin shrank into a smile, the kind you find on people who have much more on their mind than they're saying.

"_First. . . you must do as I say. Second. . . you must allow me to kill whom I will, save for a few important people of whom you choose. Thirdly. . . you shall not ignore me. That means if I say something or as a question, you answer, whether it's in thought or in verbal sounds. Agreed?_" I thought. This was my chance, but if it was making these demands. . . I might as well make some too.

"I'm going to make some tweaks. You must be pretty desperate for freedom too, if you're subjugating yourself to a young girl. The first condition, that must be limited. I want my life as myself, not you living through me. As for the second and third conditions, I will carry them out as said. How about that?" The eye closed slightly, and I shivered, because I didn't know if I had gotten it made or annoyed. Finally, the smile returned, and turned into a smirk.

"_I wouldn't want to live through you. . . unless you mean taking your body for myself. . ._" I felt something lightly grab my arm, it must've been a hand that was _at least_ three and a half feet long, from the middle finger to the wrist. I jerked again, and it snickered.

"_Very well. Those are the terms, we are both bound by them. I hope you don't regret. . . your decision._" Snide chuckles filled my ears as my head began to pound. My head was pulled up, and my jaw forced open as the toxic thing dove into my mouth and down into me. Tears made their way down my face, but not out of fear. Out of the realization I just committed a horrible act. I had just granted a monster freedom, even if I was going to be mostly in charge. My mouth snapped shut, and I could feel it _moving around in me_, adjusting to it's new living space. It felt as if my body was stretching, but looking down I could see it wasn't.

"_Go on. . . you can get out you know, or should I show you how first? I think I will._" I felt a dizzy, floaty state of mind come over me, and I realized I wasn't doing it myself when my arms moved. I suddenly felt _hot_, like when you've been active for a very long time in the sun, and you feel close to burning. Watching, I could see the straps binding me fizz and melt into nothing. I stood up. . . not, _it_ stood up, and proceeded to merely flick it's wrist, creating a large opening in the ceiling. Observing in awe, a cloaked figure rushed into the room.

"Where do you think you're going? !" It turned to him, and just by staring caused him to catch on black fire, to which he yelled and screamed.

"_Hold on, my dear. This is going to be a rough ride._" These were inward thoughts, not words. I was going to respond, but everything went blurry as I tried to sputter something intelligible out of my mouth. I lost my sense of gravity as everything around me spun, and whizzed out of place. It turned into a soft feeling as I came back into a normal feeling. Opening my eyes, I felt something on my head. I was lying vertically, and put my hand on it. It was my cat, purring contently on my face. Pushing him aside, I looked into the corner to see a single eye staring back.

I flipped over, pretended nothing was there, and went back to sleep. I woke up once more that night to it's laughter ringing through my ears.

(_Note: I had to do something scary for Halloween, or it would be sad. I WANT FEEDBACK. WHAT DID YOU LIKE/NOT LIKE, NOT JUST THAT I DID A GOOD JOB. No offense, but that's kina lazy. :P_

_Also, I had to do the Jubi, because it's seriously not leaving me alone. Even in the bathroom for freakin' heaven's sake! So maybe it will now. Unless it wants my soul or something. o_e_

_One more thing. Never repeat "kisama". Very rude, do not repeat. Ever._)


	23. Dear Chelsea, Madara, and   Deidara

(To Chelsea)

You say I need plastic surgery...? -my eyes narrow- I could say the same to you. -closes my eyes and smirks- As for the 20,000 yen...arigato. I'll use it to buy a new katana...since my old one is getting dull from all bodies I've sliced through. -looks directly at you- You'll be next...so you'd better be on your guard.

SASUKE

* * *

(To Madara)

What you say about that fool Deidara is true...-looks amused...I have to agree with you there. But now that you speak of sexual preferences...-smirks- You DO know that what happened between you and Izuna that night...is now public, right? -laughs- Itachi told me before we fought in battle. He said you were at Izuna's bedside...-tilts head- I don't clearly remember what he said after that...but I have a sick feeling that you pulled something nasty in there. -looks disgusted- Maybe instead of calling ME someone with odd sexual preferences, you should spend more of your time trying to get YOUR sexual preferences fixed. -face palm- And they say I came from the "Legendary Uchiha Clan"...-shakes head- What a disgrace. All of you...

SASUKE

* * *

(To Deidara)

Kill me off? -stares at you coldly- Tch...no-one can kill me. I am one of the strongest there is. -laughs- Besides, I killed you. How the hell do you expect to kill me? And you say you look better? Hmph. You're like a bitchy slut who gives everyone an inferiority complex. It was like during the battle, when you took your shirt off to show your boobs...but alas, you had none. Did you get surgery to remove them? -laughs harder- You should have used that nail polish money for getting yourself breast implants. If you were wondering, I do NOT wear make-up...but you sure do. I assume you wear mascara around your eyes, right? Because even I can notice it. That's saying something.

SASUKE

* * *

(_Note: Address all your comments on this chapter to the dear Sasuke RPer who took his time to reply. Say thank you! :D_)


	24. Back To The Way It Was

Madara . . . I stepped forward in a threatening posture. Half squatting to the ground so he didn't somehow slide past me, I wielded a half foot wide frying pan with lethal skill.

I didn t break anything, it was Deidara! _HOW DARE YOU BLAME HIM!_ Now I was boiling. He didn't even know what I was talking about, did he? _Ohhhh_, he s going to be a sad, sad Chibi man soon!

"You sent me on a fake mission, didn't you?" The uneasy look left his face, and he strode towards me. I backed several steps, which I knew I should not have done. He jerked to the side, grabbed the frying pan, and then pulled me to the living room.

"Yes, it was a fake. The point of that mission was to see if you could survive on your own, which you passed until Kabuto appeared. So, now that you re going to kill me if I don t talk, tell me what happened." I paused, and saw a brilliant opening.

"I'm not telling you a thing." He squinted his eyes, frowned, and spoke again.

"Why not?"

"Because you never tell me anything."

"Wait, what does that have to do with being kidnapped by Kabuto and miraculously surviving?"

"Nothing, because I m not telling you." With that, I got up, and walked away, leaving him to think about what just happened. Walking outside, I noted it was beautiful for November. It was sunny, only a few clouds, and abut 60 degrees outside. I walked around, went to the fields by the middle school and trekked half way back to my house before I heard it. That draining voice that somehow manages to piss me off without even trying.

"_Blow up that red thing . . . it would look much better melted into slop, don t you think?_" I looked at the red thing , which was actually a fire hydrant.

It has been about two weeks since it decided that it was here to stay. It had tried to make me call it god, to which I banged myself on the head several times. Hey, it hurts it. It works. So, instead of calling it the Supreme-God-Almighty, I call it Juu-kun for the sake of simplicity. You know, _Jubi_?

Anywho, staring at the fire hydrant, I decided it would look better. Bye bye fire hydrant. As water erupted into the air, I felt a sense of accomplishment, if destroying anything I don t like counts as accomplishment. Debatable, let's dwell on it some other time. After 2 hours of walking around and blowing stuff up because it was fun, I went back home. Madara looked at me from the table. It wasn't a glare, more like a look of utter confusion. IT WAS FUNNY! :D

Holding in sudden laughter, the look turned to a frown, which at the moment just made it more hilarious. Then it turned into a growl, which was not funny. I shut up.

"What, hungry?" I asked, noting he usually sits on the couch(_Lol, once he sat on A LAMP for no reason. I still don't know how he perched himself on it!_)

"No." I get it now.

"Something to talk about?"

"No."

"Family?"

"No."

"Friends?"

"No."

"Burritos?"

"No."

"Kitties?"

"No."

"Your un-dying love for Harashima Senju?"

"N- _wait, what the hell_?" I laughed my ass off again and ran as quickly as I could into my room and barricaded the door before he could follow me. There were two bangs on the door, and I assumed he gave up and left after that. So... he's mad at me. He's mad I wouldn't talk to him, now I'm going to get the silent treatment.

Bring it you over-sized five year old.

* * *

It's been 4 days, and we have said nothing to each other. And poor Deidara is stuck with picking one person; because if he hangs with me, he gets a glare from Mada, and if he hangs with Mada, I spike his food. I watched him walk across the living room. He stood between us; I was on one side of the house watching TV, and Madara was at the other end, at the table, watching the same TV. Deidara shut the TV off, and did what was bound to happen eventually.

"You two need to freakin' make up and say sorry already! Hnn! I get it- you two are mad at each other; in fact _EVERYBODY_ gets it! You're driving everyone else insane with you silent bull crud! Hnn! **NOW KISS AND MAKE UP**!" What Madara and I didn't realize: there were to bombs close by. We got pushed together and forced to hug, or Deidara would have blown us both sky-high. Now that we were literally touching and forced not to try to maul each other, I let go of my glare. If I didn't do it first, there was no way Madara was going to.

"coughI'msorrycough." His glare left as well, and when he didn't apologize Deidara raised his hand like he was going to release the bomb holding him.

"_I'm sorry._" Deidara glared.

"You have to mean it, hnn." He gritted. There was no telling what Deidara was going to do, and just how far he was going to go to get what he wanted.

"I'M SORRY." Looking satisfied, Deidara released us and sent the bombs outside to a safe distance before they blew. Me and Madara grumbled a few times to each other that night, just in case Deidara had any other bombs hidden.

(_Note: Never piss Deidara off. He's more extreme when it comes to flipping the lid and losing his grip._)


	25. But Tobi Doesn't Want A Haircut

"NO! DON'T YOU GET IT WOMAN? _THOSE THINGS ARE EVIL_!"

I stood as silently as I could, laughing would only further hurt his dignity. Madara's hair has, well. . . gotten pretty darn long. It was to his shoulders when he had first come here, when I had first taken him in, but now it was freakin' halfway down his back. Too long for a boy. And seeing as I was technically a guardian of sorts, I had to cut his hair.

Upon first confrontation, he had merely run away. Now however, was different. I had him stuck in a room which had special devices that disrupted his chakra, rendering him incapable of using jutsu to run away.

"What, _these_?" I held the scissors in my hand, snipping the air. Every time I snipped, he twitched. And as I love to torment people, I was having a great time making him twitch with anticipation.

"Yes, _those_." I finally snickered. He frowned, but smirked as he got an idea.

"But Tobi doesn't want a hair cut Chelsea chan!" Oh dear god. He was going to do the '_I'm-cute-spastic-Tobi-that-everyone-loves-and-if-you-hurt-me-everyone-will-hate-you_' routine. It always works, but only as a last resort because it ruins his image. If this works out, it will be excellent blackmail.

"Tobi kun will be fine, Chelsea just needs to cut Tobi kun's hair. It'll be easier to brush, Chelsea promises."

"BUT TOBI LIKES TOBI'S HAIR LONG!" Now he was going to get everyone's attention, and annoy everyone until I was forced to stop due to complaints. Ugh. . .

"Chelsea will leave it at Tobi's shoulders, ok?"

"No! Tobi doesn't want a haircut!" Wow. . . and he's supposed to be a proud Uchiha warrior? _Pfft_. I groaned, as I could hear my brother and sister yelling at me from the other side of the apartment to 'shut the hell up!' I turned around, fully prepared for what lay in store.

Just as expected, as soon as I turned my back, '_Tobi_' attempted to grab the scissors. I saw this as my only chance.

I flipped backwards, grabbed his hair, and butchered it.

* * *

Looking in the mirror, he had no choice but to let me finish. With Deidara's help, it looked pretty darn good. It still retained the long spikes in front, and had a _sweet_ ponytail sticking out the back as well as some coming down the sides to cover his ears. Apparently, keeping your face framed by your hair was an Uchiha-thing.

"Wait. . . how come _Deidara_ gets to keep his hair long?" Crud, now I have to explain.

"Because it's _Deidara_. Do you want to be _Deidara_?"

"Ew, hell no."

"Plus, you're going to pick up chicks this way."

"You think?"

"Yup. Tons of girl love the guy with the awesome-looking hair."

"Then. . . how come you never show interest in _anyone_? You're a girl, I would know."

"Beca- _WAIT, How do you know that?_" He paused, obviously deciding if he was feeling bold. He apparently decided he wasn't, because he was there one moment, and gone before I could blink.

(_Note: Strangle him later, and find out what the hell he did to know for sure that I'm a girl._)


	26. This Is So Freakin' Familiar

You've heard me complain bout the bathroom before, right? Well, it's gotten worse. I think Madara has some sick-weird-messed-up-immortal-person-cramps. He spends like, almost two freakin' hours sitting in there! I can seriously just grab a magazine and sit there waiting for him, read the whole thing _AND_ finish another level of my Kirby game _AS WELL AS_ finish my Math homework just waiting for him to get out!

By the way, I started reading the magazine as soon as I heard the door shut.

Then there's Deadara. Yes, Deadara. Because I'm going to freakin' kill him if he walks in again while I'm showering and sings at the top of his lungs, or does some other freakish-thing to piss me off because I can't get out of the shower to kick his ass. He stuck his hand in the shower and stuck out it's tongue at me once! Never did it again after I stomped on it. Heh.

_Oh my God_. He will go in the bathroom, and I will patiently wait because I figure he might be having problems, you know? Well, apparently there's no problem but being stupid and blond, because he sits there.

Seriously. He sits there with his mouth half-open like he's waiting for the damn tooth fairy. He'll do this for an hour, then move over to the bathtub and sit on the edge. Just sitting there, minding his own business while 5 other people wait in a line to use the toilet.

I can say I have no bathroom troubles. . . or at least didn't. Somehow Madara still hasn't figured out we have one more resident. Did you forget about Juu kun?

_I sure as hell haven't._

Almost every 5 minutes it's trying to get me to kill or destroy something. (_I'll get this weight off my chest now- I think I've killed like, 12 people. I'll feel horrible, but that thing will just shift it's chakra so I feel like my back is being rubbed and it tells me it'll get the next one itself._)

So anyways, I'm having a privacy issue. I think it watches me as I take a crud or shower. I'll hear snickers, and turn around only to remember it's inside me, not right outside the damn curtain. :P

Do you know what it's like, knowing you're never truly alone? Some people might think it's a comforting feeling; but not when your company is a 25 foot-tall mass of living chakra. We've taken the time to figure things out- and apparently he can manifest outside my body, but still requires me to act as a bond so he doesn't dissipate into thin air. And yes, it's a he(_I don't know how. I don't want to know how_), but he is. I think it's a personal preference.

Back to the bathroom.

**KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!** How much would you like to bet I know who that is?

"DEIDARA! WHAT DO YOU WANT?" _He better not come in, he better not come in, he better not come in if he knows what's good for his fragile, human body!_

"_I'M COMING IN CHELSEA CHAN~_"

"_CAREFUL_- THERE'S A MONSTER WHO WOULD LIKE TO CASTRATE YOU IN HERE~" I snickered myself when I heard him gulp and skid away from the door.

'_Is it always like this?_'

"Yes."

'_You always reply in one or two words. . . you're no fun._'

"None at all."

'_. . . play with me._'

"What?"

'_You heard- play with me when you're done cleaning._'

"Um. . . ok . . ." I finished my hair and barely had time to put clothes on as my legs moved themselves out the door into the below-freezing weather. With no coat, hat, or gloves. Thank god I trained myself to be temperature tolerant since I was young.

"Chelsea, where are you going?" Oh shit. Madara's peeking his head out the door at me! I grasp control back for a moment, and face him.

"Gas station." '_Liar._'

"Oh. Wait for a moment, there's something I want to get." I skidded as far away as I could, too quickly to notice the smirk plastering itself on his face.

* * *

'_So why did you lie?_'

"Do you know what he's doing to the bijuu?"

'_No. . ._'

"He's taking them all, and smushing them together to recreate Juubi. In other words, you except bigger. And he usually kills the jinchuriki- the people who contain them."

'_He wouldn't kill you._'

"How do you know?"

'_He likes you._'

"Again- how do you know?"

'_He pokes you when you're sleeping and has to bite his arm to stop himself from laughing because you make weird noises._'

"We're talking about that later."

'_You should tell him._'

"You're being rather supportive today."

'_No, it's just a pain in the ass watching you hide so poorly._' Right now we were in a field not far away from the local park. I decided to go back and go to bed. I wasn't stopped; there was no traffic, no other people out, not even any animals were visible!

"Back so soon?" I stopped in place and almost had a heart attack. The way he said that. . . he knew. I slowly cocked my head in his direction.

"How much of it were you involved in?" He lifted his head slightly, smirking because he now had some sort of sick advantage over me. They say you can never fully understand the psyche of a woman; the same is true for Madara quite sadly.

"Everything except the apparently spectacular escape." I fought the instinct to lunge and attempt to strangle him. He would just get away. He always did. So instead I will get smart.

"So you used me as an experiment; to try and predict how it's going to go when you become the jinchuriki for the Juubi?" He paused.

"Did you seriously just figure that out in 5 seconds?"

"I'm not an all- A student for nothing." I smirked- he frowned.

"So what now?" I had a feeling I had asked this before, but couldn't figure out where. Creepy feeling.

"Huh? Nothing. That's it." _Once again fighting homicidal urges._

"We're going to talk when I'll have less of an urge to kill you. Want to go to the gas station? I really am going now, and I'm not going for another few days, so if you want something come on. Where's Deidara?"

"He's been in the shower since you got out. He said he felt dirty."

"Weird. . ."

(_Note: . . . this chapter feels oddly familiar. If anyone can name the chapter- I'll make a one shot for you of your choice. Even a lemon if you're seriously that sick._)


	27. What Men Do

-Mada POV-

"We must do something about this. We are MEN, not children." In a hushed voice, I leaned closer to Deidara.

"You're just pissed because you got a hair cut. Back off, you're breathing on me. Hnn." Pushing me back, Deidara took a peek out of the room to make sure Chelsea wasn't coming.

"So you _like_ being treated as a child?"

"Sometimes, no. But I DO appreciate being allowed space for my art almost everytime I ask. Hnn." I groaned. He just didn't get it.

"You don't understand. . ."

"Yes I do," cutting him off, Deidara continued with his point.

"You're trying to get me involved, that way when your plan crashes into ruin you have someone else to take the fall. Hnn." Dumbstruck, I started to do some quick thinking, because _SERIOUSLY_, people are beginning to figure me out faster than I would prefer. Looks like I have to start using resources.

"If you don't help me, I'll show everyone the pictures."

"What do you. . ." Deidara's face suddenly turned bright red. Hook, line, and sinker. I grinned, showing my teeth, and began to explain the outline of my plot while Deidara had no choice but to comply in silence.

* * *

-Chelsea POV-

_Where the hell have those two boobs been? At Zetsu's? I still can't believe a suburban house is the temporary Akatsuki hideout. Aren't half of them dead? Whatever. . . oh, someone left a cola out!_

Striding towards the table I stopped; I got poisoned like this quite a few times, huh? I stopped being drugged like this for a month now, but you never know. I walked around it and to the refrigerator, pulling out kool aid instead. It's a horrible world where you can't drink what you want.

Then I stopped again; there was this horrible feeling something was wrong. I put the kool aid down and grabbed Madara's tea. This is payback for eating my strawberries! I made sure to taste it; it was nice and sweet, had a sting. Probably ginseng. Sure, teasing him later is never a smart idea, but I'm doing it anyways. No one was still around, so just for effect I put the empty bottle in the fridge. Walking around the house got boring, and I really didn't have the motive to go outside and train(_When I wasn't being forced? Hells no!_), so I went to bed.

* * *

-Madara POV-

_It's been two hours. She's probably gotten home, avoided the cola on the table and drank that nasty kool aid. Heh, I can't wait to see the look on her face. This is going to be great._

Walking in, I was somewhat surprised. Nothing seemed wrong. All was silent, until something crashed in the hallway, followed by a "_**DAMMIT!**_" Quickly peering in, I saw Chelsea, on the floor, with a broken vase. She looked up at me, her mouth hung open and her eyes drooping, then it turned into a toothy smile as I was pounced on.

"MADA KUN MADA KUN MADA KUN! _I BROKE SOMETHING!_" She started laughing like a deranged child. I must admit, I was slightly scared. I thought Deidara put laxatives in the kool aid and cola, not whatever the hell she was on now. Then she attempted to put me over her shoulder, to which I pushed her off me. She made a screwed-up face, as if she didn't know what she felt about it, then smiled again and pulled my arm.

"LET'S GO PLAY OUTSIDE WITH JUU KUN MADA KUN!" My ears hurt, because she was yelling at the top of her lungs. Then she started speed-talking, which I didn't understand a word of. After 40 seconds of gibbering, I put a hand over her mouth, and noticed she was still talking. The sounds just just blocked. I took my hand off, and she continued to speak gibberish.

"Chelsea," I said _very_ slowly, "_What did you drink when you came home?_" She shut up and stared at me. Then she started laughing again and dragged me to the fridge. I stopped her in the middle on the kitchen because I noticed a peculiar smell. I moved closer to her, and tried to focus as she made those creepy giggling sounds. I smelled alcohol.

Now I rushed by myself to the fridge and opened it; hoping it wasn't what I thought it was.

Yes. The bottle I labeled as 'tea' was completely gone. The whole 32 ounces. The bottle that was actually my highly-concentrated 'sake'(_sake is Japanese alcohol_) was empty. I knew what had to be done; I had to hide her until she was sane enough to stand still, let alone shut up. At least she was quiet now. Disposing of the bottle and turning around, she was gone.

* * *

-Chelsea POV-

HOLY CRUD! DEIDARA'S PURPLE!

I tried to say hi and hug him, but he ran away after he pointed his nose at me. Hmph, what's that jerk's problem?

OMG A PUPPY! _LET'S KILL IT!_

* * *

-Zetsu POV-

_Why is Chelsea chan trying to eat that puppy? **Let's see what she's doing.**_

I tried walking to her; but she seemed. . . hyper. **She ran off, and I followed. After a few minutes I was able to stay by her long enough to realize what was going on. She was drunk.** I laughed, **and got close enough to knock her out using spores.** I took her back to our house and put her on the couch, she looked so cute sleeping there! **Madara is going to have one hell of a time getting out of this one.**

(_Note: I want more of that stuff. O_O_)


	28. Just Skip This Chapter

**HIDAN WAS HERE. M FOR SWEARING AND SEXUAL REFERENCES. _YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED._**

_There you are. . ._

_No one is around. . ._

_Deidara is at the park. . ._

_Madara disappeared 2 hours ago. . ._

_And everyone else is outside in the freakin' cold. . ._

_You're mine now. . ._

With stunning grace, I moved towards my target. A plate of pancakes, with heavy maple syrup and strawberries on the side.

You see, if you can live through breakfast at my house, you can do anything. Between my brother yelling, swearing, and making very pathetic threats; my sister whining; Deidara doing something juvenile and inappropriate to freak out everyone else; Madara stabbing his food with a kunai and eating like a feral numskull; and me grinning like a hyena for no apparent reason; it's enough to drive the mentally insane sane just so they can leave before their heads split open.

And so, I did the impossible and waited until everyone was done/gone, and made my own breakfast. Mine and no one else's.

Approaching the plate with a knife and fork in a seemingly-lethal manner, I stabbed a pancake. _Damn. I forget the milk._ Sighing, I went back to the kitchen, poured myself some milk, and nearly tore the table in half when I got there.

_Someone took my pancakes._

I glared around the room, ready to kill the perpetrator. I saw no one in sight, but could still smell my pancakes. I followed the scent to my brother's room, and raised the fork. Peeking in, I saw the culprit and almost screamed.

"Hey. These are fucking good pancakes!" I stared in annoyance as Hidan stuffed his face with my breakfast. I got ready to lunge and take back what little there was left, when he shoved a note in my hands. It was blotched in maple syrup and some weird unidentified black powder, which almost ruined the writing.

_He's driving me insane. Take him for the day and I swear I'll compensate._

_- Madara_

Wow, he's getting better at englis- wait, _the whole day?_ Who does he think I am, a freakin' _miracle worker?_

I looked upwards to my horror. He ate all the pancakes. JASHIN, HOW DID HE EAT THOSE IN LIKE 30 SECONDS? I clenched my jaw.

"You're cleaning that." He looked at me, and scowled.

"Why the hell should I listen to _you?_" Uh, no. My house, my rules you juvenile prick.

"Because you took my fucking pancakes, and your boss sent you here. Under my care. So you're listening to me you juvenile prick."

"_Heh_, why don't you make me, _bitch?_" Remember my anger issues? Remember the epic Mada death lunge? He doesn't. I tackled the mother fucker, breaking the plate in the process, and wreselted him to the ground. He was surprised at first, but flipped over and pinned me. Dude, he has fucking muscle! He looked pissed, then grinned because he was on top of me.

"Get off me."

"What if I don't want to?"

"You're going to or I'm going to castrate you with the knife in my hand." He made the "_WTF?_" face he's famous for, then slowly got off. I then went back to the kitchen to make more pancakes, while keeping an eye on him. He walked around the living room, then faced me.

"You know you're no fucking fun, right? You hang out with that idiot Tobi too much." I rolled my eyes.

"And what's your definition of '_fun_'?"

"Uh, not fucking freaking when someone's just joking?"

"Mine is-"

"Yours is acting like a spastic idiot. It's why Tobi only hangs with you and the creepy fucking man-plant Zetsu." I frowned. While he was missing details, he was kind of right.

"So what?"

"We're going to have fun today." I thought bad thoughts for a moment. My thoughts were evidently plastered on my face.

"Not fucking making out! Not unless you want to. . ." I glared at him and he stopped.

"_No. Fucking. Fun._" Frowning again, I replied slowly so I remembered what I said later. I probably would have to.

"Fine. We'll have '_fun_' today." I didn't even have time to eat. He grabbed my arm and dragged me out into the cold November day.

* * *

'_Fun?_' like hell. All we did was go around and get into brawls with any random person we knocked into. They always got their asses kicked, so unless you're blood thirsty(_Like our oh so loved religious idiot_), it was no fun.

Going back to the apartment at like, 4:30 p.m., I had the best idea EVER.

What is more addicting than crack, has different things to do for all ages, and will keep a hyperactive, psychotic cultist busy for hours? One simple, genius thing:

_The internet._

I sat him down, flipped on the screen, and showed him how to work it.

"What the hell am I supposed to do on this fucking thing?" I groaned. He still didn't get it.

"Anything. Just keep occupied until your boss gets back."

"What if I don't?"

"I'll bribe you." He stopped, and thought. He chewed on his nail, which would have looked thoughtful, then I realized he was gnawing on it, which was just gross.

"With what?"

"Wait here." I ran to my room. I felt depressed, my last remaining bit of sanity was going to cost me. Madara is so fucking dead when he gets back. . .

"Here you oversize toddler." I handed him a bag of peach candy. Which was my last one, and my favorite. Oh yes, Madara is going to compensate. Bet Hidan's ass on it.

"Bribe accepted." He turned to the computer screen and chomped on my precious candy. I wanted to cry! It was 4:30 p.m. now, so I dropped on the couch, stretched, and turned on Sponge Bob. It was the episode where Sponge Bob ad Patrick gets the invisibility spray and pretend to be ghosts with it, and end up naked in front of the whole town. I didn't realize I had been sleeping until I woke up. Nothing seemed out of place; Hidan was thankfully still occupied. I sighed, and closed my eyes again. I drifted, but woke up at a weird sound from Hidan's direction. I got up as silently as I could, and crept up behind him.

"Hehe. . ." I looked past his shoulder, and screamed.

"_**Y****OU'RE WATCHING PORN? ! ? ! ISN'T THAT AGAINST YOUR RELIGION? ! ? ! PERVERT!**_" I caught him off guard. He jumped, and landed in the laundry basket. I yanked the cord to the computer, and turned to him.

"_I CAN WATCH WHATEVER THE HELL I WANT! YOU SAID SO YOURSELF BITCH!_" That's it! I tackled the mother fucker and strangled him, without recourse to what might happen, because I didn't fucking care. He was watching porn on my computer! EW!

We began to halfheartedly attempt to kill each other, and I nearly had a kunai to his throat when the door banged open. There stood Tobi (_Madara_), Zetsu, and Pain in the front. Pain stood as emotionless as ever (_Or more emo than Sasuke if you tilt your head 40 degrees to the left and squint._) He gave a sigh, and walked in.

"I still don't understand why you needed an escort Tobi."

"Oh yeah! Tobi wanted Sir Leader to talk to Chelsea chan!" I furrowed my eyebrows, shoved Hidan away, and downheartedly tried not to attack '_Tobi_'.

"Yes, I suppose." He turned to me, which seriously sent chills up my spine. I kept my composure, and avoided direct eye contact.

"Under the circumstances of relation to one or more existing Akatsuki members, and your loyalty by aiding in several missions; you are being added as an Akatsuki affiliate. You do not have an option due to your relationships with said members. We will contact you weekly for information about law enforcement in this area and you will also be contacted by us if we require your assistance. . . " (_I zoned out after this._) He looked finished after about 15 minutes of talking like a drone, then walked out. Zetsu dragged Hidan out, leaving me and Madara. I turned to him calmly.

"You owe me big time. I'm still deciding what I want." He '_hmphed_', and slowly nodded before removing his mask.

"Duly noted. Anyways, Deidara will be absent for a week or so. On a mission to Mist country."

"Alright. I'm taking a nap, see you later." I headed towards my room. When I take a nap, it's in your best interests not to bug me. If you do, get ready for a fireball aimed at your head. I almost reached the door when I got hugged from behind. I yelped, but just got held tighter.

"I really am sorry. We'll do something fun tomorrow, alright?"

"No offense sensei, but I don't want to hear the word 'fun' at least until Deidara gets back."

(_Note: Special notice to XxSwallowxX, because they made a very sweet review and got my procrastinating ass back in motion. I have two chapters of a new fic up, "Three Uchiha"; I'd love it if some of you could read and review. :3_

_I love all my reviewers and favers; so to commemorate this hella-long fic, I'll do five oneshots. I'll do yaoi, but not m-rated lemon shizz. First come, first serve._)


	29. Euphoric Dreams

I feel bad. I have been ignoring Juu-kun. Therefore, there will be vocab between him and I, and there'll be more Juu-kun in the chapters to come. :3

We have, with much loathing, gotten to know each other. And so, we have been talking alot. Sometimes about how stupid Deidara looks in the frilly sweater he insisted on wearing; sometimes about what to do to my brother as payback for the shit he puts me through. This time it was about a trip to Wal Mart.

"_What's Wal Mart?_"

"A big superstore."

"_You mean it flies and has x-ray vision?_"

"No. I mean it's bigger than any store should be."

"_Why are we going?_"

"Because we need groceries, namely something that Madara will actually eat. I never guessed he was so picky!"

"_Heh. I never guessed a meatloaf could explode in that manner._"

"So do you see why we're going?"

"_I suppose. Since we're going, I want beef jerky._"

"How are you able to eat. . . no, you're not possessing me."

"_Why not? I want beef jerky. I'm not going to do anything else. . ._" The way it trailed off made me suspicious.

"No."

"_Hmm . . ._" I hurried up and got my coat on. Juu was getting ideas, probably evil and sinister ones. I trudged through the snow to the bus-stop, hoping for nopthing bad to happen. The bus came down the street, and came to a rolling halt three feet to my left. Jeez, it couldn't come to me, could it? This was horrible customer service. Now my feet are going to be soaked from being in the snow. _Bleh._ I started to board the bus, when I heard familiar yelling from behind. I looked back, and saw '_Tobi_' running towards me. With no reaction time, I was tackled and fell into the snow bank. The bastard started doing that creepy laugh, and let me up.

"Chelsea-chan forgot Chelsea-chan's bus pass! And Tobi wants to come with too, Tobi wants some more candy!" _Ewww,_ I could hear the sentimental-ness dripping off him. He handed me the pass, and got on the bus. I didn't want to follow him.

"_What's the matter? He only wants to come with._"

"No offense towards your integrity, but since when is it that simple?"

"_Mmm. . . since now?_"

"Stop screwing with me."

"_Make me._" The bus driver was peeking ou the window and yelling at me to get on. I reluctantly boarded, and sat at the far end of the bus. Tobi, of course, came over and did the stupidest possible thing he could do at the moment, and sat on me. He seriously just came up and sat on my lap like a three year old. I growled, and tried to push him off, but the driver said not to move until the bus stopped. No one else boarded, so I was stuck with him sitting on me until we got to the station. The worst part- he leaned back and laid on me, like I was a freakin' chair!

"Tobi. You have three seconds to get off me. One. . . two. . ." He jumped, kicking me in the gut in the process, and skipped off the bus humming the alphabet song. I managed to lose him at the station, and got on the mall bus that would take us to Wal Mart. Getting on, I went again to the way far back corner. As I was sitting down, I noticed my seat was soft, and was bony towards the outside. I began to sit up and go to a different seat, but using his speed, Tobi made sure I sat on him again. We did this four freakin' time before I sat down and he grabbed me around the waist.

"See? Now Chelsea-chan gets to sit on Tobi. Payback!" It was taking everything I had not to kick him in the balls.

"Tobi. Let go of me." The driver then told everyone to stay in their seats, and the bus started up.

"Oops. Tobi can't now, sorry Chelsea-chan." We spent the ride to Wal Mart with me trying to sit straight up, and Tobi pulling me back down so I was laying in him.

"_You make no sense._"

"How so?"

"_Just lay on him. Make sure to get extra comfortable and make him regret it._"

"I can't do that."

"_You mean you're trying to preserve what little dignity you have left? In case you haven't noticed Chelsea-**chan**, you have none left._"

"No, I mean if I give in and let him do this, he's going to take ample opportunity to do it again later, at varying degrees of it being worse. As in, possibly in front of my Mum. Which I will kick him out of the house for a few days."

"_Your thinking is far too complex._"

"So you're telling me to trust _Madara?_"

"_No, I'm telling you to calm down and deal with it._" I groaned, and tried to relax. Eventually I foud myself dozing off, and felt a small prick on my neck. We were at the mall now, meaning we would be at Wal Mart in. . . a few. . .

* * *

I felt really comfy. I almost fell asleep again, then I remembered what had happened on the bus. I shot up, and saw I was in my bed.

_That little shit head drugged me!_ No wonder that prick on my neck felt weird!

I got up, found I was still in my clothing. If I wasn't, I didn't care what the consequences would be, I would use Juu's chakra to kick his ass! I stumbled slightly, my legs felt a little numb, and I stormed out to the living room. Passing the kitchen, it was 7:43 p.m., meaning I had been out for the better part of eight hours. It was dark in the living room, but I could feel his chakra. I flipped on the lights.

"_HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!_" Madara, Deidara, Jacob(_Older brother_), Sara(_Younger sister_), and my Mum were all there, with streamers and balloons and a table with presents in the background. I couldn't talk. My last birthday was horrible. No one said happy birthday at first, there was no party, and all I got was a neckelace I'd never use and twenty dollars. The worst part was that it was my Sweet 16th.

"Hey Chels, come over here and open my present first!" Deidara grabbed my arm and dragged me over. My sister grabbed the other arm and attempted to drag me over the other way.

"Please, don't rip me in half!" They let go, and I got my footing back. After wards, it went great. Deidara had gotten me a freakin' cool looking pouch for clay/ninja tools. Madara was apparently in character and got me a very dangerous looking weapon. Jacob got me the one video game I'll probably ever play (_YuGiOh, The Dawn of Destiny for the XBox_), Sara got me a poster, and Mum got me _YuGiOh- The Shadow Games_ vol. 2-15 and a Pegasus starter deck. I felt happy, and was blushing through the whole thing. We had cake, and invited some nighbors over (_The ones who still thought my family was safe_), and had a good time. At 11:30 p.m., we finally decided it was bed-time, and put everything away.

"Was it worth being drugged?"

"Yes. But if you do it again I might strangle you!"

"Heh. You do realize it's the reverse, right?"

"Huh?"

"You '_adopted_' me, and I came to live with you. But in reality, you're my pet."

"I am no one's '_pet_'!"

"I smell denial. See you in the morning '_pet-chan_'." I grumbled, and went to bed.

(_Note: Denial? **DENIAL? !** Who the hell is in **denial?** Not me! I am not in denial! And I'm no one's 'pet'! This is not the end, there will be more on the subject of me being a 'pet'! Which I am not! **Grrrr. . .**_

_Did you notice I'm a YuGiOh fan?_)


	30. Pet

"CHELSEA CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNN." I sighed, _again._

"What is it Madara?"

"Make me a sandwich."

"No."

"You don't have a choice." Nnnn. . .

"Why not?"

"Because I'm your _supe-rior~_" _Oh my God._ Since I officially became and Akatsuki affiliate, Madara has been hanging it over my head that he's officially my superior and that I have to do whatever he says. It worked the first, like, three times. Not now though.

"No."

"You have to~"

"No I don't."

"Do I have to force you~"

"No, because I'm not making you a freakin' sandwich."

"If you don't do it I'll have to punish you~"

"Oh yeah? What are you going to do that'll punish me?"

"_Hehe~_" He walked towards me; I ran and hid in my ultimate hiding space. You see, in our time together I have learned a multitude of things about our dear child-like Mada kun. Let me give you a list.

_1. He can eat more candy in a day than I can in a week._

_2. He does some weird dance in his sleep about twice a month._

_3. He wears a mask because of the horrible, yet hilarious faces he makes when thinking of certain things. (i.e., the pretty girl next to him in the hall way at school.)_

_4. Never, ever, EVER touch his elbows while he can't see you. It only leads to pain._

_5. No matter how much he buffs out and gets muscle, he still retains man flab on his triceps._

_6. He avoids responsibility at any cost. He's rather chop off one of his fingers than admit he did something wrong._

_7. Do not, under any circumstances, allow him to get bad info about you. He'll use it against you for the rest of eternity._

_8. Leave the hair alone._

_9. He has secret stashes of junk food around the house; it's best not to touch them if you value everything on your arms from the elbows down._

_10. If he insists he's right about some concerning Ninjutsu/ Genjutsu; just let him be right until you have evidence to prove him wrong._

_11. Don't let him in your closet. He'll take any interesting food items he sees and later blame it on your brother/ someone else who likes food. He'll also look for decent blackmail items._

_12. Manipulation vs. Manipulation- the only way to get him to do something you want. Trust me._

_13. For your own personal safety and well-being; steer clear while he's mad. Good things do not result from an angry Madara._

_There's more, but my fingers hurt._

And so, I developed a secret hiding place. It's actually beneath the house, and has an adequate food and water supply for three weeks. It's basically a small space with a cupboard, a futon, lighting, and a TV. I hollowed it out with a shovel, patted it down, and set plaster so it had walls. I came down, opened a bag of peach candy, and sat down on the futon. He'll probably get over it in two days; then I'll come back out an-

"CHELSEA ~ I FOUND YOU!" Wait, how did he-

"Oh, yeah. . . I've known about this place for about a month." He stepped in, reached into the cupboard, taking out an apple, and munched it. I felt myself boiling over at the sight of him _infiltrating my precious hideout_, ready to kick his ass if he dared come further. He saw me, and grinned. Reaching behind his back, he pulled out a piece of paper and grabbed my face. Comparing them side by side, he made a nod of approval. I tried to grab the paper, but he pushed my hand away and stepped back.

"Alright, seems good. Ja ne." Gone. Just like that. Alright, he needs to be put back in line. I've had enough of him doing whatever the hell he likes! I growled, and got my special book. I am an exceptional chakra/energy user, and now I was putting it to the test. Madara. . . I'm going to cut you down to size, _literally._

* * *

I waited, patiently. Lounging on the couch I waited for him, ready for anything.

"You're sleeping? It's not even 1:30 p.m. . . . eh, come on, we have to train." I smirked.

"No. . . not really _senpai._" I put venom into that word. He glared at me. According to him, I was his pet; and as his pet, I did what he wanted.

"_What did you say?_"

"I said '_no_'." I resisted the urge to run as he approached me slowly; he was trying to intimidate me. _Heh_, how wrong he was in trying.

"Very well, you've forced me to do this." I looked away, and when he was less than a foot away from me; I activated _THE TRAP! Muahahahahahaaaa!_ I let go out the chakra string keeping the ritual circle hidden, and quickly reached up to slather some of my blood on his forehead. The circle glowed, and we were surrounded in a bright light. I closed my eyes, drooling mentally at what was about to happen, and waited. After a few seconds, the glow died, and the circle disappeared. At the foot of the couch sat a ten inch tall chibi Madara, unable to change back. I smirked, he looked shocked.

"What. . . _what the hell have you done to me? !_"

"Simple, _senpai._ I'm sick of you acting like you own me. So I'm cutting you down to size to teach you a lesson. Hope you like being a chibi again~" I grinned, rolled over, and napped. He threw a fit.

**"TURN ME BACK RIGHT NOW! CHELSEA, IF YOU DO NOT TURN ME BACK-"**

"_What?_ What are you going to do?" He paused, thinking for only a moment before replying.

"I'll tell your brother about the head phones." I laughed lightly.

"Really? And will he _believe_ you? After all the half-hearted assassination attempts, the pranks, the immature torture, will he take anything you say seriously ever again?" Madara was silent, and looked down. Groaning, he came to a conclusion.

"Fine. What do you want?" I smirked again.

"I want you to treat me like a _human being_; not a pet that you can do anything you like to. That includes drugging me; putting me on the roof in my sleep and watching as I roll over and fall off it; and doing whatever the hell you like without recourse to how I feel and if it actually _hurts_ me. But, to let it sink in, even if you agree I'm leaving you as a chibi for a day. And good luck going out- we're snowed in until Wednesday." I then got up, went to my room, pulled out his former chibi-sized bed, and then went to my own and slept. I heard him walk in, quiet. Perhaps he was finally starting to get it. . . hopefully.

* * *

"Chelsea, wake up. I'm ten inches tall, I can't use the oven."_ That's right._ I have to cook for him again. I got up and looked to my side. There he was trying his best to stay dignified.

'_Well this is ironic._'

'You bet. He needs a lesson.'

'_Heh, what are you planning Chelsea chan?_'

'Evil; yet wonderful things Ju.'

'_Heheheh. . ._' Ju sank back into my subconcious as I got up and went ot the kitchen. I pulled out the eggs and bacon with him watching me from the counter top.

"I don't want eggs and bacon."

"Too bad, that's what you're getting. I'll make it good, I promise." His face sank. I was _sooooo_ going to get it when he was back to normal. Like I said, I really did make it good. I used my uber awesome family recipe and they tasted great. I held back the urge to say '_I told you so_' as Madara dug into them like crazy.

The rest of the day passed with little incident. No explosions, no mini wars, nothing. I figured Madara was finally understanding how I felt. We went to sleep and of course at like 7:30 the next morning he was pushing me.

"Wake. Up." I opened my eyes, and of course he was less then 3 inches from my face. I stretched, and got out of bed.

"Alright, come with me." We went to my hiding space, and I drew a circle. I dabbed some blood in the middle, and made a chant. The light came again, and Madara grew back to his normal size. The first thing he did was pin me to the wall. _Figures._

His hand clasped my jaw, and I knew he was pissed. As. Hell. I got myself ready; he was probably going to throw me in the closet, or worse, chain me to the roof in my PJ's because it was 3 degrees out. I could feel the anger boiling up, it was suffocating. I forgot he had this kind of temper; and hoped he'd just do whatever the hell he was going to do quickly. I closed my eyes and gritted my jaw; I just wanted him to get it over with. Why the hell was he stalling? I sighed, and started to move out of his death grip on my jaw- when he kissed my cheek. My eyes shot open.

"Oh my God. _You're going to kill me? !_"

"How did you come to that conclusion?"

"Um. . . you're not exactly the _lovey_ type Madara." He snickered, and moved his lips to my ear.

"_You. Are. My. Pet._ You said I don't own you? _I do. You are mine, and I own you._ Don't forget it Chelsea chan. And if you dare do something of this magnitude to me again: you will not see sunlight for months, let alone now." He tied me up, and of course, put me on the roof. Left me out there for 2 hours. In the 3 degree weather.

(_Note: This is not the end Madara._)


	31. Never Freakin' Again

"This. . . is rather amusing." I glared up at Itachi; which of course didn't affect him. He was used to the whole death-glare thing, it no longer worked on him. Instead, he made a slight shrug and walked away; leaving me entangled in the arms and legs of an intoxicated, passed out Niisama.

I know; it sounds bad. It sounds. . . kind of naughty. _STOP THINKING THAT, I WILL EXPLAIN!_

* * *

Ok. . . so after much debate, we decided to have Itachi and A over again. Along with her friend Leah, who incidentally has Kisame as her chibi; because we all needed socilization. Which of course can't happen with normal people anymore due to the fact Madara seems to enjoy stalking me and scaring/ emotionally scarring the few friends I have. A is alright because Itachi will kill Madara if he does something; and Leah is fine because Kisame is actually a nice guy once you get past the intimidating hiehgt factor, and they're friends. So we decided to have them over without anything bad happening.

Madara insisted he went as Tobi, even though everyone knows the truth; which in turn made Zetsu want to come; which in turn made Sasori want to come since Zetsu is the uber stalker and never goes anywhere. It left an impression that Sasori acted on. Then someone told someone else there was a party at my house, which attracted this weird Uchiha Ancestor dude who doesn't seem to have an owner. Worst part- we look enough alike to be twins. Madara of course then forced me to dress just like him and now no one can tell us apart- our voices sound too much alike, as well as our chakra signatures. And this dude doesn't respond to any name but Niisama.

THEN someone told someone else that there was a party at my place with Itachi there so of course Sasuke came along with his team. Meaning Suigetsu, Juugo, and Karin. Sui-san and Juugo-san are ok, but Karin is such a _bitch! Sasuke this, Sasuke that, God just get a room and rape him already!_ DX

So, everyone came and there was a huge party with booze, a boom box, and snacks. I was one of the few people not to get drunk; which resulted in Itachi, Zetsu, myself, and surprsingly Suigetsu making sure no one got murdered/injured/horribly mutilated.

"Ey. . . I didn't know puppets could get wasted. It's kind of creepy, his eyes are rolled back in 'is skull." I nodded as we watched Sasori sleep; you could see the back of his eyes. Suigetsu was bitchy at first, but once Karin dragged Sasuke to my brother's room he calmed down and let loose.

"Well, let's just hope Juugo doesn't suddenly wake up and decide it's slaughter-time. I don't feel like picking up bodies." He looked up at the figure approaching us. Itachi slid out of the shadows and walked towards us. (_More like glided, I'm beginning to doubt he has feet._)

"I think it's about time we left." I made a '_nnn_' sound.

"Yeah, before my Mum comes back."

"Woah, you're doing this _behind your Mom's back?_ Hahahaha!" He laughed and fell over.

"_No kappa-chan, my mother totally encourages underage drinking and parties with total strangers, as well as a make-out session taking place in my brother's room._" He laughed more, which actually made me laugh. Itachi just stared on, probably wondering what was so funny. We began to try and pick people up when my identical twin(_I wish_) came up. He seemed to be sober.

"Hey, if you're sober help us with these idiots. . . please?" He just stared at me. I furrowed my eyebrows and continued to drag Kisame to the couch- _god he weighs a lot!_

"Ey, Chels, go get Madara-sama, I'll take care of shark-breath." I could sense the evil, yet wonderful scheme condensing inside his head, so I dropped Kisame and headed to Madara. That Niisama guy followed me. I turned away and managed to get Madara on my back when I felt Niisama poking my back.

"What is it?" I turned around, and noticed his cheeks were rosey. Meaning he was drunk. (_You see, some Asians have a weird ability to completely digest alcohol, resulting in their cheeks turning red._) He looked at me, and tilted his head sideways. I wondered if he was going to fall over. I pushed his head back into place with my index finger, trying not to laugh.

"Are you my long lost twin that father said I didn't have?" I didn't know what to say to that, so I thought very quickly.

"No, I'm a completely different person." He just looked more confused. Drunk people are hilarious!

"Oh. May I hug you?" I twitched.

"Uh. . . sure. . ." He picked up Madara with one arm, dropped him on the table, and hugged me. Now, I'm not usually a hugger, but if someone asks me for a hug and honestly just wants a hug I'll probably say yes. So he sat there and hugged me. And hugged me. And hugged me. _And hugged me._ At first it's like '_ok, so he needs a hug. Whatever._' but there was a problem. _He wasn't letting me go._ I tried to push him off, but his grip just tightened. His arms found their way around my waist, but he didn't do anything perverted. He dug his face in my neck and hugged tighter. I completely let go, and tried to drop to the floor; but when I was almost there, he bent down and picked me up bridal style, then leaned against the wall and seemingly fell asleep.

"Heheh. . . _you two having a good time?_" I turned my head as far as I could, to see Suigetsu at the end of the hallway smirking.

"Shut it. He asked to hug me, and I'm like 'ok', but then he wouldn't let go and I think he fell asleep and I CAN'T GET OUT. _Help me please!_" He still smirked, and came over.

"He can't have that firm of a grip Chels. I think you _want_ him to hold you."

"Do not."

"Do too."

"Do not."

"Do too."

"Do no-" Niisama opened his eyes, looked at me, then at Suigetsu. He smiled at me, then scowled at Suigetsu.

"Um. . . hey there. Lemme go?" He didn't seem to hear me, and walked with me still in his arms to my bedroom. I could hear Suigetsu snickering in the hallway.

"Have a good time you two~ _make him work for it Chels!_" I made a mental note to hurt him later as the door closed.

"Alright, I hope you liked the hug, but I have to go do stuff so I'll just be going Niisama." I jumped out of his arms and went towards the door. He grabbed me from behind, picked me up, then laid on the bed with me on top of him. I reached to the bars of the bed, but he turned over, with him on top of me. I lost my cool.

"_Ok you giant idiot, get off me or I swear I'll-_" . . . . I then realized he was sleeping. I began to wriggle out from underneath him. If he wanted to sleep, whatever. But not like this. I had my top half in freedom; which apparently triggered some sort of dream mode-movement thing. He grabbed me, pulling me back. Now though, in addition to his arms around me his legs were wrapped around me too.

"LET GO OF ME!" No response. He was out cold. I tried pushing him off, I tried head banging him, hell, I tried _biting_ him, but nothing happened. I yelled again, right into his ear, STILL NOTHING! I heard the door open, and Itachi walked in.

"This. . . is rather amusing." I groaned. I had to get out of this before Madara woke up or I was screwed. Or before this boob woke up and demanded to know what happened once he was sober and half-rational.

"Please help me?" There was a long, awkward silence.

"Why?"

"Because I'm asking you to and I don't want to find out what happens if Madara walks in half sober and sees this!"

"Why does it matter what he thinks? You're his guardian, and what you do is none of his business."

"One: you should know better than most what the situation really is at this house. _Everything is his business!_ Two: Do you seriously think I _chose_ this? Three: What kind of sick kick are you getting out of this? _HELP A SISTER OUT MAN!_" I saw a petite grin rise up as well as a shrug.

"Chelsea-san, this is the Uchiha Clan Ancestor; the elder son of Rikudo Sennin. Even if Madara-sama walks in and sees, he can't do anything, nor can I. So just relax and hope he doesn't find you to be sexually appealing." _Then the bastard walked away._

"WAIT! Is everything picked up at least?" He turned back, the grin vanished but the amused look in his eyes pertained.

"Yes. Everything is clean, and Madara-sama is on the couch. Farewell." He walked out, leaving me in a bed with a guy who's hundreds of years old (But still pretty hot. He looks like he's no more than 20!) Not to mention he's Madara's great great great-something grandfather. Dammit, I'm never having company again!

With nothing to do, I got comfy and fell asleep. I had a dream about saving a princess. :D

* * *

"Hey. . . get up." I felt my cheek being stroked, and I opened my eyes to see Niisama on top of me, straddling my waist and looking at me (_adoringly._)

"Are you finally letting me go?" He frowned slightly. As my brain began to work again, I realized part of the reason I couldn't get away was because his chakra was crushing me along with his weight.

"I was thinking we could sleep a little longer, given I obtained your permission."

"No. I have to go make sure Madara hasn't destroyed half the neighborhood. Or Deidara, he'll try to cover it up saying it was '_art_'." His frown deepened. He looked slightly like a little kid, which made the frown cute.

"Why do you pay so much attention to them? In case you haven't noticed, they use you considerably."

"Because I was the one who agreed to have thme here. Plus they're like family." He frowned even more- which now actually made him look mad. He leaned forward and slid his arms around my neck, bringing his face a little too close to mine.

"You need something better. Come with me and I can give you a better home. I can give you a stressless life, and a lover." He smiled softly and closed more spce between us.

"I'm going to give you five seconds to get off or I'll _bite you._" The smile turned back into a frown, then he got off me and left the room. I got up to find out my bra and been unhooked, and followed him out resisting the temptation to try and strangle him. Niisama walked to the door, and turned the handle. But before he walked out, he faced me.

"I have a lot of time on my hands. I've been alone for a very, very long time. If you ever change your mind, you can always find me." He tossed over an object. I caught it, and checked it out. It was a small whistle, with carvings on it suggesting it had a fuinjutsu placed on it. Looking back up, he was gone.

* * *

"Nnn. . ." Madara blinked. His mask was off, and everyone seemed to be gone. Looking around, he saw Deidara on the other side of the couch, drooling out of all three of his mouths.

"Wow, that must've been a crazy night. . ." I walked out from the kitchen, and tossed him a bagel with cream cheese on it. He caught it and took a bite.

"You better love me you idiot." He instinctively put down the bagel and spit up what he was chewing.

"What should I know?" I looked at him, narrowed my eyes, and sighed. He didn't have to know. It would only piss him off and hurt him.

"_No. More. Parties._ And don't say '_it wasn't my fault_', because we all know who told someone, who then told someone else about everything." He pursed his lips together and looked smug.

"You'll never have enough information my dear."

"Madara. This is not a civilized place. This is the jungle and dammit, if the other members of this house decide you're guilty, you are guilty." He laughed.

"You can't do anything. I'm your superior." I glared at him, and tucked the whislte into my pocket. That night I stared up at the ceiling, thinking. I would never go with him, no matter how hot or nice he may be. My family and my home was here, with two insane psychotic chibis. But. . . I couldn't find the heart to destroy the whistle. I'll get to it later.

(Note: A fuinjutsu is a sealing jutsu. It can be used to transport things, or seal things. A kind of fuinjutsu was used to seal the Kyuubi inside Naruto.

P.S. Itachi is a jerk. :P)


	32. Wednesday Morning

_Is this all of them? Yeah, I think so. . . hnn._ Deidara snuck off while no one was looking and shoved every towel he could into the space below the tile in the dining room floor.

_It's about time, this needs to happen already, hnn. They're making me sick._ He grinned, slinking off into the darkness. By the time everyone woke up, no one would have a clue what had happened until it was far to late too do anything about it. This is was to be wonderful. This was going to be fantastic. This was going to totally worth whatever consequences came as a result of it.

* * *

"_Why do I have to wake up too?_" Madara whined as I poked him. I picked out a large stick so I could get him up in the morning and be out of arm's length. Nothing good results from poking him while he can reach you.

"Because Mada-_kun_, if I have to go to school you do too. I'm going to take a shower, if you aren't up when I come back I'm getting the fog horn." He made loud moaning sounds, then turned the other way, towards me. He opened one eye and wrinkled his face, looking at obnoxious as he could.

"_WHY AT 4:30 IN THE MORNING? DON'T YOU HAVE ANY COMMON SENSE? THIS IS WHEN YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO SLEEP!_"

"I'm taking a shower. So I can be _clean._ You do know what _clean_ is, right? Oh, wait, you _don't._ You've worn the same pants _four days in a row now._"

"Give me until 5:00."

"Fine." He rolled the other way, while I got some clothes and peeked into the living room. Deidara has an odd habit of waking up extremely early one morning, then sleeping until one in the afternoon the next. At first I let him choose to come to school or stay at home, because while he's a pyro-maniac, he's pretty responsible. Mum eventually made him come to school because he apparently was lecturing her on how inartistic she was and how she could be more artistic. _Yeah._

Picking out through the darkness that he was sleeping on the couch, I made sure to lock the door to the bathroom behind me. No way in hell is he going to pull some freaky prank this early. So I got on with it and enjoyed the hot water; it was going to be freakin' freezing when I got out.

**KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!**

"What is it?" I cupped my ear so I could hear better.

"I have to use the toilet." Oh, it's just Madara.

"Use a knife- it's locked." I heard the knife drawer open, and some sliding, then the lock on the door clicked and he came in.

_Do I have to say what happened next? Sickos, why do you want to hear the details of someone using the toilet? XP_

He got up and opened the door. At least he tried to. I heard a voice, somewhat muffled because it was on the other side of the door.

"_Hey_, you locked in there?" Then there was a series of twisted laughing.

"Deidara, open this door _now._" More laughing.

"Sorry, it's _locked~_" Madara was about to just burn the door down, when something odd happened. In that, nothing happened. He couldn't use his uber-awesome flames. Then it hit him. _That buzzard Deidara had put chakra disruption blades on the outside of the door, and somewhere in the room so he couldn't use jutsu._ He looked down, to see the knife being pulled out beneath the door by small, hardly noticeable clay spiders.

"DAMMIT DEIDARA! WHEN I GET OUT OF HERE I'M GONNA STRANGLE YOU!" I yelled, but there wasn't much point in it. Deidara had put his head close to the door so I could hear him.

"Uh, Chelsea-chan. . . _where are your clothes?_" I choked. I had left my clothes outside the door. Meaning I was in the bathroom, with _Madara, totally naked. In the shower._

"Madara, forget what I said about breaking things in the house and bust down the damn door." Silence. I was getting pissed. This was not a good way to start my Wednesday.

"HEY! Do you know what I did this?" Deidara said from outside the bathroom.

"Why?"

"Because you two need to kiss already! Get it over with, it's obvious you two like each other, so just do it already, hnn! _I'll rent a room for you!_" By now, I felt like sinking down into a fetal position and hiding for eternity. Why did he have to do this _now?_ Why not just sneak up and push us together? _Isn't that easier?_ Now my head hurt. My knees began to bend as I heard the door slam open, a frightened Deidara scream, and what sounded like a beatdown.

* * *

"Your clothes are on the counter." I heard Madara blankly state. Wow, Deidei must have pissed him off too. I finished my shower and got on my clothes; which smelled like sodium ironically. Madara stood in the living room above an unconscious Deidara. I almost felt bad. But not quite.

"So, if you're finished I'd like to get at him too." It was just a joke. Madara grumbled and walked away.

_(By the way, most mornings go something like this.)_

(_Note: For my buddy Vali-chan, who thought a bathroom incident would be funny. Which it was. Thank her for the shits and giggles! :D_)_  
_


	33. But   why?

"You know what Juu-kun?"

'_What?_'

"We're going to have some bonding time." I felt the strange feelings arising from Juu, and sighed.

"As in, we're gonna go on a destructive spree of mayhem and terror."

'_Oh. Sounds great!_' He paused, the spoke again.

'_Wait. . . why_?' Suspicion was ok. I understood he didn't exactly like me; though I think he's ok as far as a giant monster. Honestly.

"Because I feel guilty for ignoring you. Don't talk to me about it." More suspicion.

'_Hmm. . ._' And so, we were off. I trudged through the snow, and took the bus to a neighboring city. _Citizens, beware; giant Cyclops coming through!_

I'm way too nice; I let him loose on a barn. He had a good time though; he ate the cows, chickens, but couldn't catch the cat. Completely destroying the barn, he turned his line of destruction on the small house beside it. I checked first to make sure no one was home, then let him smash it to the ground. Everything was going as well as it could until. . .

"Stop or I'm stopping you." _Crud._ I quickly regained control, and swished behind me to see him. The one I wanted to strangle the most but could not.

_That freakin' perv Niisama._ He stood there, calm like water; though he had his face is such a position it looked as though he might be smiling. Or his face was just stuck that way.

"What do you want?" I snarled at him. I don't like him, and I never will. _No matter how hot or nice he may be; I will never like him._

"I was taking a stroll through the country-side to see a Bijuu obliterating a barn-house. What is your guess?" I made a slight '_Nn_' sound, making it obvious I wasn't taking him seriously. He was probably stalking me; that what the whole Uchiha clan seems to do. _Stalking. Like creepers. Just stalking semi-innocent people. The bastards._

"Well, it's done. I'll leave, is that better_ Niisama?_" He looked surprised, then regained his composure and made a very slight grin, almost a smile.

"You don't like me, do you?" Now I furrowed my eyebrows. He was stalling. He better not have contacted Madara.

"No." _No matter how hot or nice; not matter how hot or nice; no matter how hot or nice; I will not; SHALL NOT SMILE._

A small smile came across my face. I think I smiled too much as a kid.

"I don't need my Rinnegan to see you're lying."

"What? I smile when I get nervous!"

"What are you so nervous about?"

"Uh, I don't know, maybe the fact you could _kill _me right now because of what you saw?"

"Why would I kill you?"

"Isn't it one of those Kekkei Genkai duties?"

"Not really. That was my father; I am not him."

"So what are you really doing here? Just smelling the fresh air out in minus twenty degree weather?"

"Maybe."

"Liar. _What do you want?_"

"If you must know, I wanted to say hello to a lovely young lady, and maybe get some coffee."

"Woah. One:_ that's way too personal._ Two: _you know what coffee is?_ Madara didn't figure it out until a week after I adopted him."

"Heh, why is it _too personal?_ After all, we did sleep together."

"_YOU WERE DRUNK!_ You wouldn't let me go, and Sui-san didn't believe me when I asked him for help! That's misguided info."

"Hmm. . . so tell me, do you like Madara-kun? I won't tell." I paused. This creeper was getting on my nerves.

"Maybe. So what?"

"Nothing, except. . ._ isn't it inappropriate? _After all, you adopted him. You said so yourself."

"It's not that kind of adoption!"

"Really now? You took him in, as a chibi, _completely_ out of the goodness in your heart; and you are considered his '_guardian_', no matter how twisted that title is; and as his '_guardian_', you love him a little more than one of your title should?"

" . . . . . you don't know how it is."

"Yes, I do. And I'm saying; is it so _horrible and wrong_ that I admire you?"

"Yup, because I like someone else." He closed his eyes, but not in annoyance. He closed them, and laughed. I took several steps back while he was doing this; I wanted distance between me and this stalker. Plus he was seriously scaring me.

"What is so freakin' funny?" The laugh softened to a chuckle, then he looked up and slowly started to stride towards me.

"Chelsea-chan, please realize that this whole situation is funny. You stand there and tell me you do not like me, yet you still have the whistle I gave you. Tell me; why haven't you rid yourself of it?"

". . . ." I didn't have an answer for that. I didn't know why I hadn't chucked it somewhere far away; it had never came to my mind to destroy or '_lose_' it. I don't know why, and he seemed to guess this. I thought about it, I thought until the headache I was getting was as aggravating as the cold biting at my toes and fingers. I kept thinking until I felt warm fingers run through my hair. My head shot up; because of course he was right there. I jolted back; he grabbed my arm. Not harshly; in a gentle, yet firm manner. Inane thoughts made their way to my brain, and I got distracted thinking about how awkward yet kind of good his hand seemed.

"I'll say this nicely once; but from then I will apply force. You are coming with me." I'm. . . not getting out of this, am I? Damn. . .

"Why?"

"I'm taking you back to my place. You're freezing." I jerked as he put his arms around me. It was cold-as-hell out, but for some reason he felt warm, like he just came out from under a blanket. I couldn't help it; I leaned in because the heat felt good. It was one of those instinct things you need for survival, I swear! His arms slid further around me, and I fell deeper into his embrace.

* * *

Lol, what the hell? Purple clouds? Is that lake made out of orange juice? _OMG, THERE'S FISH IN THERE! HOW THE HELL ARE THEY BREATHING?_ XDDDD

Shit. . . this is a dream, isn't it? The good stuff never seems to last. . .

* * *

Shifting around; I figured out I was under very heavy bedding, probably a quilt or two. I almost went back to sleep, but then a remembered what happened before that awesome dream with the orange juice-fish. I sat up and looked around the room. It was a slightly-larger-than-normal-but-not-by-much bedroom, with a window to my right, and a dresser in front of me. The door was to my left. I rapidly got up and tried my best not to run to the door; when it opened and he walked in.

"Oh, good morning. You slept the rest of the night; I was somewhat worried." I could feel the nice-sentimental-gushy-kindness dripping from him. It was really unnerving.

"W-what the heck were you thinking? You can't just kidnap whoever you like!" I did my best not to yell. I did not want to find out what he was like when he was mad. The smile was replaced by a frustrated look, then a small sigh.

"You accepted the hug; so I figured you wouldn't mind some further comfort. Besides, I was coming last night to get you anyways. I took the liberty of tweaking your family's memories, so you'll be fine to stay here for at least six days." He smiled again, and placed his hand on my shoulder. I shivered, and stepped back. He didn't seem fazed, and moved to the side, clearing the doorway.

"Why don't you come with me and have some food? I'd think you would be hungry by now." Truthfully, I was hungry. As soon as he mentioned it my stomach hurt. Funny how those things work. I stayed silent, and tried to back up more; he simply reached over, draped his arm across my shoulders, and quite literally walked me out into the hallway.

I did not dare say a word; anything I said would inevitably be used against me. I know how these things work! First, they seem uberly nice; then when you refuse them after they've been so '_kind_' to you they get forceful! Nope, not me. No way. _I had to get out somehow._ Then I felt stupid. As long as he was touching me, he could read my thoughts with the Rinnegan. _Dammit. _He looked amused as we came to a door. Being the '_gentleman_' that he is; he opened the door and ushered me in.

What the hell does he want? This feels so, _so_ wrong, and so, _so_ familiar. . .

**_TO BE CONTINUED!_**


	34. Konan D:

"_Pain, without love_

_Pain, I can't get enough_

_Pain, I like it rough_

_'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all_

_You're sick of feeling numb_

_You're not the only one_

_I'll take you by the hand_

_And I'll show you a world that you can understand_

_This life is filled with hurt_

_When happiness doesn't work-_"

**"WHO'S PLAYING LEADER'S CDS?"** Konan-sama's voice boomed throghout the base with terrifying audacity. I switched the radio off and hid underneath the floor boards. Lucky for me Konan-sama is absolutely terrible at detecting chakra. As long as I stood completely silent, there was a 78% chance I was making it out of here without consequence. Peering through the cracks above me, I saw her inspecting the CD's and radio, carefully checking for signs of the perpetrator. I shivered as she was practically on top of me now.

You see, as I was an Akatsuki affiliate, I had permission to go to certain bases. Good part of this- no one had any idea I was gone. I had mastered the art of memory tampering, and used it to go on missions and train. Bad part- if I screwed up, I was as good as dead, and no one could help me. Konan-sama is the master of all that is feminine and scary-as-shit; if I get caught, I will regret it. I was lost in juvenile and petty thought when I heard and impatient tapping of a foot. _Above my head._ Damn.

I came up slowly, as she stared me down with her years as a top Akatsuki member. I panicked.

"S-sorry Konan-sama, I'll put them back I swea-"

"I get it. You like his music, I kinda like it too. But. . ." She leaned in, "_You have to listen to it in the back room so he doesn't know._" She winked, and handed me the CD. Returning to her original height, a curious look came to her face.

"What's a young woman like you doing involved with the Akatsuki anyways?" I hesitated, then decided the truth would be the best thing.

"I got dragged into it by '_Tobi_'." Face palming, I could tell Konan-sama was assuming things. I furrowed my eyebrows.

"I'm actually a lot more dangerous than I look Konan-sama." She looked me in the eyes, and sighed.

"Unfortunately, I believe you Chelsea-san. Madara wouldn't have brought you here unless you were strong enough to take on at least four Jonin. . ." The way she trailed off got me on alert. She had just went and said Tobi's real name.

"So. . . are there any missions to do?" She stopped staring off into space for a moment to answer.

"No. Leader actually sent me to tell you that you're free to go for awhile. I'd take the CD if I were you." I shook in disappointment. I thought Konan-sama was better than that. Shaking my head again, I started towards the entrance. Grabbing my jacket (_just a normal jean jacket people_), I left to go back home. Honestly, I wanted to stay and hang out with Konan, she was seriously cool despite what people (_my faggy brother_) said.

"_WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?_" Currently on top of the refrigerator, I gazed down at the black lump on the floor. It had an undefined body, with eight tentacles pointing out serving as legs. It had a single, red Sharingan as an eye on top of it. I had tried running away (_this says nothing about my battle style_), but the Sharingan made it difficult. I was wondering if this was some freak experiment Madara had conducted, or if it was Kabuto-kisama's. I stared on as it made a whimpering sound. It sounded sad, which immediately triggered my pity. It scampered against the fridge, whining. I came down, and almost jumped back up as it climbed up my leg. Spit seemed to be coming out somewhere, and I realized it was hungry. This further grabbed my pity. If you looked past the freaky red eye and scaly tentacles, it was kind of cute. A thought suddenly hit me. Was this a baby?

Reaching down my hands, I picked it up. It stared at me, and whined more. Sighing, I reached in the fridge and pulled out some turkey. I managed to get it into a sort of cradling position, and held it near where I thought the spit was coming out. It made a high-pitched squeal, and a pink sticky tongue darted out and nabbed the turkey. It then licked my hand, and I could help but think it was kind of like a puppy. I gave it some more turkey, and got a water-bowl. My cat Izzy stood nearby, obviously jealous I was hand-feeding this thing. Izzy slinked forth, and barely had time to meow as the black thing made an audible hissing, spiting noise, which terrified the cat and it ran away.

"No." I tapped it, and it stopped. It continued to climb on me, and ended up on my head like you see Pikachu and Ash. I held that thought, and had an idea.

"You're not so bad, are you?"

"_Glllthnnnn. . ._" I laughed a little. It had been freaky at first, but now it was kinda cute. QWalking over to the couch, I sat down and flipped on Sponge Bob. Totally educational, right? We sat that way for about two hours when it began to whine and drool again. I put my hand back, rubbed it, and brought it back to the kitchen to feed it more. This happened twice before Madara came back. I turned my head it his direction, and saw he had frozen at the door, staring at the thing on my head.

"Chelsea. . . don't move, or that thing might eat your head. That's one of Kabuto-san's experiments." He took a cautious step forward, and pulled out a kunai.

"Madara-sensei, please shut the door, keep in mind my Mum's heating bill. And no, it won't. Gingakuro is a good boy. He looks kinda freaky, but he's like a deformed puppy. Seriously, he's ticklish." I hear a choking sound, then Madara slouched. Hanging his head I could tell he was giving me the "Seriously?" look.

"That things is a genetic mutation combining the Kyuubi's chakra and a Sharingan eye. It's evil, and I must kill it."

"Wow. Can you hear yourself? You just mentioned the Uchiha Clan's ocular power and the Kyuubi's power in one sentence. Why get rid of it if we can train it? Plus it doesn't seem very evil right now, it makes high-pitched baby laughs when I cradle it." I carefully grabbed Gingakuro (_yes, I named it_), and rocked him. As I said, baby-squeals came out and a pink tongue licked my face. Madara was now pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Whatever. It's your problem then." I heard him muttering something about '_now I know what Pain goes through with Konan_' as he walked off. I shrugged, and stared back at Gingakuro. I couldn't believe I thought he was a freak-experiment, and tickled him.

"Woah. What is that, hnn?" Deidara stared, not with horror, but more like a slightly disturbed disposition gracing his features.

"I'll explain it quickly. Kabuto made and experiment with the Kyuubi's chakra and a Sharingan, this is the result; it looks evil and it's supposed to be evil but really it's basically a mutated puppy. Madara wanted it dead but I think it could be trained and be useful, and it make cute-as-hell baby noises." Gingakuro made an opened-mouth laugh, and Dei-san closed his eyes for a moment.

"Oh. Um, _ok_. . . just make sure it doesn't eat any of my stuff, hnn." See? Deidei understands! It was going on about nine-thirty p.m. now. I decided he needed to go to bed, babies need a ton of sleep don't they? I tried just putting him in bed, but as soon as I left he started making some sort of crying noise. Sighing I just took my pills and went to bed with him.

_Now I just have to make sure Madara doesn't kill it._

(_Note: Gingakuro means "black silver". I thought it was a cool name, no? And Konan isn't as bad as I had thought at first. Maybe I'll go over tomorrow and introduce them. Also, never, ever repeat 'kisama'. Very, very offensive._)


	35. It All Becomes Clear

"Yes, so in short. . . . we take away all your newly acquired skills, Ginga-kun, Juu-kun, and your chibi's ability to turn non-chibi except in extreme circumstances, such as self-defense." I gaped, trying to take this all in.

"So. . . . I'm a normal person, and Madara's just a chibi now, right?"

"Yes, except for the transplanted sharingan you got in chapter six. You get to keep that on grounds Madara got rid of your original eyes." I blinked, and immediately turned to the oh so dear chibi who was currently preoccupied with a game of LIFE. I saw him freeze, then turn around nervously.

". . . . . you're welcome." I bit my lip, and gave him the _we're-talking-later-you-little-monster_ look, then turned back to the DEN officials.

"Is that it then?" They looked at each other, made a note in their professional-looking notepads.

"You also have to remember- no love scenes between you and your chibi except for some slight fluff. Though you may develop a relationship with your look-a-like. The fangirls love that. And. . . we have found Deidara a new home." A flash of yellow, black and red zoomed from my room and was looking the officials in the eyes, puppy eyes out and quivering lips protruding.

"_No no no no no, hnnn! You gotta let me stay here, hnn!_" The officials clearly weren't expecting this, as a look of surprise came upon their freaky-fangirl faces.

"Deidara, if you really want to stay here, we must do a home-inspection, and you yourself must tell us why you wish to stay. Begin."

"Chelsea lets me do my art, and actually is in favor of it, hnnn, and she always makes sure I'm fed, hnnn, and she buys me more clay every other week, hnnn, and she's not one of the scary fans, hnnn, she knows how many hugs are the daily limit, hnnn, and I don't want to leave!" I saw a tear, and the officials looked convinced. Sighing they made a judgment.

"Very well. You can stay." Deidara jumped about 6 feet, keeping in mind he's nine inches tall, and then went to play LIFE with Madara. The DEN officials looked at me one more time.

"We have to make an inspection of your home, to make sure it's suitable to live in. Please excuse us." They stood and walked to the far corner of the house. I walked over to the two little imps on my couch and dealt myself into the game. I patted Deidara on the head, grinning.

"Fake tear, nice touch." I saw the devilish smirk as he spun the wheel.

"And _you_. You're explaining, _now_." I saw a sweat drop roll across his head, and he started fumbling with his fingers.

"Eh. . . . _it was amusing, ok_? And you're welcome! Do you know how _hard_ it was to find sharingan with your eye color? _Hard!_" Tightening my jaw, I let it go for now. Better to get him later when the officials, _AKA the people with power_, were long gone. We played for about fifteen more minutes, Madara quit when he went bankrupt for the third time. I wondered if his little brother was the one to handle the clan's finances when they were in charge of the Uchiha clan. The DEN officials came back in. I swirled around, and gave them my best blank-look.

"We have found your home to be satisfactory. Have a nice day, we'll check up on you in a few months." I nodded, and showed them the way out. Madara walked over, and started talking.

"Alright, so when can we go full-sized-agai-" I cut him off.

"No. They're kind of right. I have to take responsibility, meaning I have to watch you two more carefully. And jeez, they just took away that power! Didn't you hear them?"

"No actually. I was preoccupied taking care of my children's college funds." I furrowed my eyes, and took a deep breath. Suddenly Madara looked mad, and I could tell I was going to get it.

"And what did they mean, _Though you may develop a relationship with your look-a-like?_"

"That perv that was at the party has been stalking me and pressuring me for a date."

"You don't actually _want_ a date with that creep, do you?"

"Ugh, hell no! Now I'm at a loss because I can't just throw a fireball at him."

"I think this counts as an extreme situation, don't you?"

"I think we should wait. They don't seem to realize how serious this is, so next time I'll make a point of how much I don't want to date him, and you can go full size and kick his ass. We both win, right?"

"Right." I clicked my tongue.

"You're still gonna teach me about the sharingan, right?

". . . . later. If you get me candy." The laughter almost burst out as a blond tugged on my jeans, grabbing my attention.

"Um. . . . since we're all coming clean here, I blew up your prom dress Chelsea, hnn."


	36. VV

I peered down at the busy road below, then back up, keeping my iron-grip on the telephone wire.

"W-why am I doin-ng this a-a-again?" I barely stuttered out the words as I looked at the person responsible. You see, I was currently 30 feet off the ground on a wire, which apparently would help me train.

"Because you need to learn to abandon fear. That means your fear of heights as well." I squinted and made a soft sigh.

"_AKA, you like seeing me scared and in the palm of your hand?_"

"Sure, we can put it like that." Groaning, I looked back down, and tried not to fall out of nervousness.

"And. . . . . you do realize I could die, _right?_" He looked surprised for a moment, then shrugged carelessly.

"That's why Pain is down there. If you fall and die, he will throw your mangled body into the outer path, then bring you back to life. So, nothing to worry about, see? Just 20 more feet and you're done." He walked gracefully along the wire, while I inched along, knowing I could seriously die, and have my body chewed up and spit out by that creepy thing.

"When you die, I'm hoping you go to hell."

"I love you too. Now come on already! I want to get down and eat!" A growl escaped my throat as I kept up the pace.

* * *

We ate Onigiri and salmon for dinner, Deidara had been out all day trying to pick up a chibi chick.

"Maybe you should cut you ha-" Madara got interrupted for the third time.

"NO, HNN. My gorgeous hair stays, hnn!"

"I'm just saying you might pick up women. I still remember the time that guy groped you thinking you were a _"delicious blond babe."_ So pardon me." He finished his food and brought out his plate. Turning to the blond-mess, I patted his shoulder.

"Well, in any case, you need to look manlier. We should put on some Old Spice, my brother has some in the bathroom." With that, I picked him up and we went to the cupboard, earnestly checking it's contents.

"Ohh, I wanna try that, hnn!"

"Deidara. . . . that's woman's perfume. My _mother's_ perfume. You haven't been using it, have you?" I sweat drop dribbled down his forehead as he shook his head. Making another sigh, I picked out some AXE, and showed it to him. Looking doubtful for a few moments, he eventually gave a nod of approval. I shook it up and sprayed both of us for effect. Then I realized Madara was watching us.

"Dude. . . . that's creepy. You could let us know you were there." He glared and walked away slowly. I didn't know what he was getting at this time, so I tried to guess.

"What, you want some AXE too?" He looked back, hunched, and kept walking.

Now I felt abused.

"Hey, what's wrong?" I placed Deidara on the floor and walked after him. He walked faster until we were far away from Deidara, out of sight and earshot. I stared intently down at him, and when he looked up he still looked pissed.

"You're spending too much time with Deidara. I was the first chibi here, so you need to spend more time with _me._" I blinked, trying to understand what he was saying, then it hit me. He was jealous.

"_Awww, Mada-kun is jealous of his senpaaii~_" I laughed, but the stoic expression on Madara's face didn't soften for a moment. Damn, it must have taken a lot of self control to pull that off! Sitting there, a few silent but not awkward moments passed before another sound was uttered.

"Yes. I am. So spend more time with me!" I kept the smile on my face, and picked him up.

"Fine, fine, I get it. What did you have in mind?" I saw him grin as he jumped away, went to the computer, and started typing with his chibified feet, since they were little bigger than fingers. I strode over and watched him do the typing frenzy, when the search screen came up.

_"HAUNTED WISCONSIN: Vampire Valley!_

_There's a place in the valley near Henderson, MN, called Vampire Valley._

_I've talked to people who've gone there at night and the first thing they say is "lock your car door"._

_The story goes that around midnight you can drive down to the valley and park in the middle of the road. Within a couple of minutes, you'll hear screaming and suddenly "things" will start banging on the windows of the car - the scary thing is that you can't see them. The screaming eventually dies down and the banging stops while shadows retreat away from the car..._

_Not many are really sure of the story behind the screaming and window-banging and for those of you who were brave enough to go out there, more power to you._

_-Cloud2001"_

I stared at the screen, determining several factors before making a final decision.

"Well. . . . if we can get a ride, fine." No sooner than I had said that, Madara was dialing something on the phone. I peeked over his shoulder at the number. It was _A's_ number. I groaned, not wanting to see her at this time of night. Madara heard it, and turned around with this terribly sad-almost whimpering face, bottom lip quivering and all. I couldn't help myself. I couldn't say no to that face and the little demon _knew it._ Someone picked up.

"Hey Itachi-saaan~" He said in his best Tobi voice. "May Tobi speak to A chan?" I heard a faint voice, then the sound of the phone being jumbled around.

"Uh-huh, Tobi picked out a cool spot to go sight-seeing! It's called V-Valley, and Tobi heard there's cool things to see there! We figured since we needed a ride, you might like to see it too! Uh-huh, uh-huh, Tobi will tell her! Buh-bye!" My eyes twitched at how suddenly his demeanor could change. Something told me he had planned this out in advance too. I really have to control him. . . . well, that's what the responsible side of my brain told me. The other side life would never be as fun if I had him on a leash all the time. Unable to decide, I let it slip.

"She'll be here in a few minutes she said. Would you please write out the directions?" Glaring at him, I begrudgingly did so.

Like he said, A was banging at the door in what must have been four minutes tops. Deidara had "gone to sleep", or more like drugged if I was correct, which I usually am. I wrote a note telling him where we had gone if he woke up and walked out the door, grabbing a few apples since I was still starving. Being almost 17 and still having growth spurts has to be against the laws of nature in some way.

Driving out, I didn't have the gall to tell A where we were really going. She was terrified of vampires, and if I told her now we might get into a car wreck. Madara had curled up on the car seat and was sleeping. I was dozing off myself until I heard a familiar voice prodding me awake.

"Miss Chelsea, where now?" It was Itachi, asking for directions. I quickly woke up, and read the next turn.

"Where are we going anyways Chels?" Hesitating, I answered fearing the worst.

"Vampire valley." To my shock, she flipped around her head for a moment, hearts in her eyes.

"_OMG RLLY?_" She made a sickening fangirl squeal and sped up.

"Um. . . do you know what's going on?"

"Yeah! I heard the legends! So. . . . so gonna be outside the car when the things come?" I flinched. No, not really. I didn't wanna be night-creature food.

"Uh. . . . well. . . . ."

"Great! Itachi will do it too while me and Madara stay in the safety of the car!" Cursing my inability to respond quickly, I simply nodded. This was probably some kind of trick anyways. Like, teenage boys coming up and hitting the car. Even though I wasn't a ninja anymore, I could still go ape-shit on most people and have the advantage of sheer brutality and ferociousness.

We arrived at the spot in about 15 more minutes. Holding my breath, I looked at the clock. 11:57 p.m. Poking Madara, I woke him up.

"Hey, we're here you little monster." A protested immediately.

"DON'T YOU CALL MY MADA A MONSTER!" Itachi finally intervened, trying to make some peace.

"It's a pet name, please calm down A." With that, the red-hot fangirl rush slowed down. Madara had woken up, apparently both amused and horrified at A calling him hers. I looked at him and explained the situation. He nodded, agreed, and watched keenly as we went out into the night.

"So, if I get eaten alive, make sure A doesn't hug Madara to death. Please?" Itachi narrowed his eyes in a confused expression before answering.

"He pretty much controls you, yet you still administer so much care for him. . . . why is this?"

"It looks that way, but trust me Itachi san, there is some love coming back. A few days ago I was being picked on, improbable but it was still happening, and Madara immediately defended me. It may seem like an awkward relationship, but he does care." With that, he seemed to understand and looked out into the darkness. We waited for a few more minutes before Itachi spotted something in the distance. A dark figure made it's way closer, followed by three others. They were hissing and making a creepy laughing noise. I felt myself getting pissed off. Itachi gave a nod, and we both jumped them. I grabbed one by the cuff of the neck and gave him a nice fist-bash to the temple, making a satisfying crunching noise while Itachi grabbed another, shoving him to the ground and pinning him with kunai. The two other figures made a runs for it.

We let them get away, and uncloaked the two we had caught. Of course, two teenage boys. I had bashed the skull of a blond one, he had a huge bruise and it was swelling up like mad. He definitely had a concussion, and probably moderate to severe brain damage. The other one looked on in horror of his friend, and made a pathetic noise, then begged for mercy.

"_P-please, we were only joking! Don't kill me!_" I snuffed, and called 911.

"Tell anyone it was us and we'll be back for you and your bastard friends. _Got it?_" I made the dirtiest look I could and aimed it at him, he nodded and we got into the car and headed off.

* * *

"Ok, next time I'm deciding where to go "sight-seeing." We had barely gone a mile before A had been kissing my ass for busting up that vampire.

"A, it was just a twisted teenager. Vampires don't exist!" Groaning, I lay my head down on the seat. It'd be at least an hour and a half before we got home, and I needed some sleep. As we drove off, a tall, dark man stood in the middle of the road, watching us depart into the cool spring night.

_**DUN DUN DUUUUUUN!**_


	37. I Will Regret This

I'm not really doing this, am I? Have I sunk this unpredictably low?

I asked myself these questions as I was steps away from the door of the suburbia Akatsuki hideout. The Hidan lawn ornament from Halloween was gone, so I had to be ready to go apeshit if a certain religious dork answered the door, given I had no more power except a sort-of trained Sharingan. Not helpful.

**_KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK_**

I always make a habit of five knocks on a door. It sounds just right. Three isn't enough, and eight is annoying and hurts my knuckles. The door slowly creaked, and I prayed to any god that was hearing me not to let it be Hidan. To my relief, a familiar plant-man answered the door. Zetsu looked both ways before peeking his head out, so no one saw him.

"Hey. . . isn't it dangerous for you to be here?" He looked kind of concerned. He had probably heard I was an almost-normal girl now. I shrugged off the insult on my fury-fighting, and answered.

"Eh. . . I can handle myself. Zetsu, feel like pulling some pranks with me?" He looked somewhat shocked at this, like he was never asked to hang out with people. Not that I think he was asked, but it seemed kind of sad.

"**Depends. . . how much trouble will we be in?**" I pulled some paper with hastily-written designs on it, and he grimaced from both nausea and delight at the same time.

"You are a bad girl."

* * *

**Deidara**

"Hnn, I need a sandwich. . . Chelsea's been gone all day. . . she better not be with that creepy Asian guy, hnn. He's a bad influence." Deidara opened the fridge and pulled out the basic ingredients, bread, cheese, turkey, and mayo. He grinned ear to ear as he found some left-over egg-salad, he liked that stuff.

No sooner than he sat down at the table, had he felt something click underneath him on the chair. Confetti flew out around the room in pastel pinks, greens and blues and two conspicuous looking balloons blew up in front of him in a very familiar shape.

"_I like big butts and I can not lie_

_You other brothers can't deny_

_That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist_

_And a round thing in your face_

_You get sprung_"

The song continued playing as a red-as-a-tomato-Deidei sat there, trying to take this all in. Zetsu and I hid, carefully concealed as we watched it all unfold. The weird part was that he had to be touching me for me to hide under the ground like was, but Zetsu wasn't a perv so it was fine. I turned to him with a blank expression.

"Maybe we should go before he explodes?" He nodded, and we were off for our next target.

* * *

**Niisama**

"Mmm. . . tea. I can't believe Americans drink tea with sugar, it tastes way too sweet. . ." He peacefully drank his freshly-brewed green tea and stared contently out the window. That is, until I walked in. He took note of my presence and turned back, so we were face-to-face. He looked confused, as I usually attempted to stab him with whatever was in reach when we met.

"_Hey Niiiiisama._" I tried to act cute, but he was skeptical.

". . . . hey?"

"Why are you here? I haven't bribed you for a few days now."

"Because I want to show you something." He looked even more confused, and got up.

"Well? What is it?" I took a few steps towards him, then unleashed the weapon. Two cans of silly string, carefully hidden in my pockets. I took aim, and fired.

Then he suddenly wasn't there. Looking around for a few moments, I felt a chill go up my neck as I realized he was_ right behind me._

"Very funny. Now let's see if you can-"

"**ZETSUUU!** _ABORT! ABORT!_ MISSION FAILURE! _I REPEAT,_ _MISSION FAILURE!_" With perfect timing, Zetsu came and swiped me, both of us tunneling underground before Niisama could react.

"**I told you he was smarter than Deidara.**"

"That was still funny though."

"Yeah. Who's next?" We resurfaced and looked on the paper for our next victim. I grinned, Zetsu looked scared, but we both agreed it had to be done.

* * *

**Madara**

He turned around quickly, suspicious of every shadow. Someone had been following him for more than an hour now. Chelsea had disappeared, so it was probably her.

"Come out or you're going to be in trouble." He looked slightly unnerved by the fact not even a cricket chirped. He continued home, to find the door had been blown open and the house was scorched at the dining room table and the table itself had not much more than pegs left where the legs where.

Madara ate his dinner with caution. He found Inarizushi in the fridge, and even thought it was suspicious, he ate it anyways. Seeing a faint object blur across the window only got him more on edge. Was someone messing with his head? Surely not. They had to have either _balls of damn brass_ or it had to be Chelsea. But the latter option was looking slim, as she usually gives up by now. Gulping down the rest of his food, he made his way to the window, peering out but not moving the blinds one inch.

Not a thing budged.

Really creeped out now, he went to his and Chelsea's bedroom and started lifting weights. The sound of shifting objects caused him to bullet at the sound, knocking everything over to catch the damn perpetrator who was really disturbing him now. He stopped to realize he was shaking. Blinking once, twice, he went over the security system one more time and set in some small mine bombs outside the house.

_I've had a boring day. . . things are working on my mind. . ._

He comforted himself with these thoughts and decided being full-sized for the night would offer a sense of security. Sitting down on the bed, he laid down without putting the covers on himself and started to doze off. . . .

"_WHEE!_" He screamed, fell off the bed and laid on the floor in a peculiar manner. I looked over, horrified.

"_Holy shit, Madara, are you ok?_" I rushed over. He was paler then usual. I put my fingers on his throat and found a pulse.

"Woah. . . I think he passed out."

". . . ." I lifted him onto the bed, and laid the blanket in top of him, tucking him in carefully. Maybe if I was lucky he would think it was a night terror when he woke up.

"Zetsu, you were right. Stalking is the best thing ever."

"But maybe we should cool it on the pranks until everyone forgets, yeah?"

"Yeah. Good night my dear partner in crime."

"Night." With that, he was gone. I felt bad, so I got a blanket and slept on the couch. What I didn't see however, was a perfectly awake, amused-looking Madara creeping up beside me.


End file.
